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Attic Whispers




The sun had almost fully set,

in the sleepy town of Mobet.

Autumn leaves on the ground,

with winters whisper all around.


High in a clubhouse of a very old oak tree,

three boys drew straws to see who it would be.

With the short straw in the hand of the youngest boy,

the two others snickered as their eyes danced for joy.

It is you Mark, the eldest boy declared,

unless you’re chicken, unless you’re scared.

Still holding the straw in front of his eyes,

Mark gulped from the fear of what it implied.


You must hurry and go now before the sun disappears,

she locks her porch doors when the whispers draw near.

You must reach her attic and stay there all night,

no matter what evil, horrible or frightening sight.


Out of the clubhouse through the woods went Mark,

to the creepy house at the edge of Swamp Lark.

Biting his lower lip to stop it from quivering,

Mark slipped through the porch door, his body shivering.

Frozen with fear, he spotted the attic door,

exactly the way it was described in town lore.

Mark opened the door and proceeded up a narrow climb,

with each step in the staircase echoing an eerie chime.

Opening the door at the top of the stairs,

revealed a room that was dark, empty and bare.

But, at second glance Mark spotted a light,

Through a hole in the floor, shining bright.

On his belly he laid, putting his eye to the hole,

he saw a room with a fireplace, a parlor of old.

In a chair next to the fire, sitting quiet and still

was a very old woman named Nora Ann Hill.


Hours had passed but nothing was happening,

So tired and sleepy, Mark thought of napping.

Awakened by sounds of music long forgotten,

Mark peered in the hole at something shocking.

The room was the same but the old lady was gone,

Instead there was a young girl dancing to song.

The words of the song kept repeating a single phrase,

"Come Forth Children of the Night, It's Time to Raise."

Mark watched the girl dance as she sang the tune,

like in a dream, she twirled and spun around the room.

Who was the mysterious girl, this beauty of the night?

Why was she glowing brightly from a strange light?

Caught in the trance of this beautiful princess,

Mark at first missed the sounds of horrible hisses.

As the screams got louder, he would match the sounds

to several dark shadows, rising up out of the ground.

His heart began pounding until he thought it would burst,

from the horror of these shadows rising up from the earth.

And just when he thought he should get up and run,

The shadows took the form of boys, vibrant and young.

This can’t be happening! It must be a dream!

But, Hold it! Wait! Mark wanted to scream.

Two of the boys looked strangely familiar,

of faces on posters, at the movie theatre.

He watched in horror as they danced with the girl,

all laughing and spinning as she would twirl and twirl.

Mark rubbed his eyes and peered back through the hole,

to a scene so utterly terrifying, it froze his very soul.

The dancing had stopped and the music as well,

As Mark witnessed a scene straight out of hell.

For the girl and her companions had stopped their dance,

and were now staring straight at Mark with an evil glance.

Oh Dear God! I can’t believe this horror!

Mark watched the shadows return to the floor.

With a cloud of dark mist now surrounding the girl,

Mark watched a transformation not of this world.

The old woman now appeared where the girl had been standing,

waving her finger at Mark, she now began chanting.

Is she a witch or is she something much more evil?

Why has she trapped the souls of the towns young people?

I must get away from this horrible place,

Mark searched for the door at a frantic pace.

Reaching out in the dark to feel his way,

he heard voices whispering; "You Can’t Get Away!"

Hisses he could hear all about the room,

with the old woman’s chant echoing his doom.

Many hands he could feel pulling at his legs,

as his will to fight, faded in a dark haze.

Mark would never be seen in Mobet again,

except on a poster, in a theatre, near towns’ end.

Late each night as the whispers fill the air,

through a hole in an attic you’ll find Mark, IF YOU DARE!



Author notes

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Comments

1 - 99 of 606     1 2 3 4  next >  (show all)

  • RaeBear
    November 27
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    Great

    It scared me a bit, but i suppose that was the purpose. I like mysterious, almost-haunted stories. great write.


  • LostInsideMyself
    November 26
    Edit | Reply
    GCDJKGGVHJ. I failEnglish descriptions.

  • Latradi
    November 26
    Edit | Reply
    Forgot to applaud!

  • Latradi
    November 26
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    I am shocked! This is so poetic, the rhymes, the story, the flow... just great!


  • Exotic mouse
    November 26
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    I must admit I was a little worried when I first saw how long this poem might be,
    now I rest assured that every line was needed every word had to be in that certain place.

    Some stories just require a certain amount of length and details and order to be told.

    On a similar note, this was such a poetic story very beautiful in a scary way .

    Dark and mysterious!


  • xpowder
    November 26
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    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    Wonderful story.. I really like it.. Very vivid..

    hearts,
    ~tiara♥


  • solzhenitsyn08
    November 26
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    Edit | Reply

    Felicitations

    You are opening the door at the top of the rhyme and ritm revealing expressions that was bright, meaningful and adorned. "But, at second glance" at you lines seem having been "spotted a light", to show "shining" horizons...
    I congratulate you!
    J'suis contend de vous
    Votre tres bon mots.


  • Nick Tashiro
    November 26
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    Edit | Reply
    Seriously, old people are scary! I liked the playful, doom-laden tone of this poem. But for me, the switching between narration and Mark's internal monologue without any indication was a bit confusing. Although it seems you've done this intentionally, I'd venture to recommend quotation marks around Mark's thoughts, though it's a relatively minor gripe. Congrats on this bit of old-school spookiness.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    November 25
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    Edit | Reply
    THis truly is one my favorite poems of yours.
    Thankyou for featuring it....
    it is a wise reminder to all of us poets
    that structure beautifully done can be wicked
    delightful and fun!

    ears/Kathleen/Seattle
    Lovely dark tale!
    WAY TO WRITE

  • jerry1
    November 25
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    Edit | Reply
    Wow what a story. Well written and entertaining.


  • Aalta
    November 25
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    Whoa... so dark... it practically sent chills down my spine. The story is so scary and... so well described. I can see the visuals moving before my eyes.
    The flow, the use of words and the images portrayed are very well done...

    Thank you for sharing this.
    It goes on my list of favourites.

    -Aalta

  • rtql8 en
    November 24
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    Edit | Reply
    I got curious when I saw that this poem almost got 600 comments. And now that i've read this, I know why you got plenty of them: this was such an amazing piece, amazing and creepy at the same time. I really enjoyed reading it. I love how the story flows smoothly, it makes me wanna read more, more and more (even if I get chills while reading it). Every line was perfectly written. You deserve golds for this one. Good luck in the contest.


  • Veronica-Armijo
    November 21
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    This was awesome. I had chills by end. Everything was fluid and well put together. Good luck with the contests.

  • InspiredDisaster
    November 20
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    Amazing

    This poem is wonderful. I love poems that tell a wonderful stories such as this. The way it's presented and slowly unravelled is marvelous. It's eery and scary, a classic story brought about in an intriuging way. The ryhming flowed very well and this poem sent chills down my spine. It's like a scary horror movie, I could actually visualise what was happening. Wow. Great job, I hope to see more like thee Bravo.


  • Portuguese.Gaia
    November 20
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    good story/poem combination with a nice plot behind it ^_^

  • Eusebius
    November 20
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    Oh, dear, I think I may have read this wonderful story poem some time ago...and, yes, I still do love it as the PERFECT camp tale for sure!!!


  • MsPain
    November 20
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    i like the beginning, it makes me curious and i feel the need to read until the very end. its smart and creative and you have a talent that i cannot deny. keep up the amazing poetry!!

  • ArchCarXxx
    November 20
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    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    I love this. The story is scary and i like how you write. Nice rhymes and the flow of words is great. The story is very amazing. I enjoyed reading it ip to the end. I don't usually read poems this long, but this really held my attention. ^_^. Good job and a Great write!

  • suzanne popp
    November 20
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    Edit | Reply

    add

    This plot caught my imagination. Good movement and buildup to the denoument. S.


  • Ani Grace
    November 19
    Edit | Reply
    This is a GREAT story!!! Hats off to the author.

  • fpwriter92
    November 19
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    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This poem sent chills down my spine (I still feel tingly). It was so well written, but maybe work on the rhythm a bit? Other than that, I loved it


  • masked-monster
    November 19
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    Edit | Reply
    Very good poem, I too have already read it! Sorry didn't know till I was already on it!


  • Wickedruby1 gold member
    November 19
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    Very Good

    I have read this poem before.


  • Debbydoes
    November 19
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    Edit | Reply

    Spooky!

    That was captivating. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

  • LavendeRFlameS
    November 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful rhyming scheme.


  • LeilaJayne
    November 15

    Edit | Reply
    The rhyme was great in this... didn't seem forced at all... and very original piece you have there...
    Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest x


  • lovestinks
    November 11

    Edit | Reply
    As many others have stated.. nice job on making the rhyming work in this piece. especially surprising to me considering the topic of the poem.. typically done with humor or love. I appreciate the "out of the box" approach you took and ran with. A little lengthy.. but worth reading through for sure. great job! thanks for sharing.


  • darkyinsoul
    November 3
    Edit | Reply
    excellent rhyme and flow
    I have read this before
    and yet again superb read
    good luck to you
    thanks for the share
    Darky


  • girl shaman
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    for a rhyming poem i am impressed.
    and seriously i HATE rhyming poems but these are an exception because they flow like songs and i love that you didn't do the whole aabb thing. thank you so much for entering, sorry i couldn't give an in depth comment because i really don't feel it needed any critiquing <3


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    November 1
    Edit | Reply
    Well done on the bronze trophy, a really spooky story, perfect for this time of year.

    Sue


  • ProudMomma
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    this poem is amazing i really loved it. very eerie you never knew what was going to happen. you kept the reader on the edge! Wow it gave me chills i really enjoyed this keep on writing!!!


  • spirit rising
    November 1

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    i read this poem over a year ago and have just come across it, i was so excited to read it again that i had to read it to my friend, this is as eerie as the first time i read it and again gave me gooseys!!! exellent excellent folk lore !!


  • chemicalcreated
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    Long, but kept me reading and usually I find I do not have the patience to continue on. The scheme seemed natural and fluid and I commend you on being able to write such a lengthy piece without the rhyme scheme getting 'old'. Great Job.


  • JoyfullMask
    November 1
    Edit | Reply

    lol

    forgot the applause


  • JoyfullMask
    November 1

    Edit | Reply

    BLOODY BRILLIANT

    Well fuck me freddy that was awsome i dont think i could write a poem of that length i loved it well written the rhymes didnt seem forced at all it just flowed it was one of those you have to read right the way through you cant stop you just keep going i loved it great job m8


  • condor gold member
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    First, let me congratulate you on your trophies which I can see were well deserved. When I first started reading this, I thought I had actually done so before but then realized it followed a pattern of a contest that someone had entered into the same contest. This was rather scary and a little bit night marish but briliantly told in detail and somewhat great humour. Wonderful flow and rhythm and a joy to read. thanks for sharing.


  • dragonfly89
    November 1

    Edit | Reply

    LOVE

    this poem... It was clever and interesting. Very few poems of that length can hold my interest but the story told draws you in. The rhyme flowed beautifully. Thank you for sharing.


  • CelticQueen
    October 31
    Edit | Reply
    This was a good story. I didn't feel it was as well-written as some of the others: the meter was off in a few places and your rhyme was a bit forced from time to time ( set/Mobet, etc.), but you gave me an actual STORY - and a good one, at that. Congratulations on the bronze. cq


  • poisonivystar4
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Chilling! I could feel Mark's terror as he waited to be seen. Good luck in the contest!


  • Virgo silver member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Ok I really like this story but as amazing as it is I am truely sorry but it is just too long for this contest I am willing to bend the rules to 55 lines but this write is much more then that. I am thankful that you entered and I would like to see another poem written by you because you can capture grate imagery.

    you could always remove your entery from this contest and replace it with a fresh write or enter another prewrite that fits with the rules of this contest
    because I could not in all fairness award this write with a trophy no matter how brilliant it is, once again thank you for the fantastic read.


  • Storminbrenda silver member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Had me on the edge of my seat waiting to what happened aww poor boy shouldn't be nosy and be a chicken instead but curiosity always gets the best of some lol definitely i fall in that category and i enjoyed this write you could make it into a short story you know I'm sure people would read it xx

  • oneheartstring
    October 23
    Edit | Reply

    terrific for the season!

    a good peotic yarn. my applause to u.

  • ♥story to poem♥

    i love the way it seems like a story but was in poem form and rhymed. great job 3/3


  • whyspr gold member
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    A good spooky story, perfect for the season. The rhyme was pretty good too and it flowed well. Nice job on carrying the story line through. Writing longer ones, sometimes we feel rushed I think. You stayed the course.


  • Howl- gold member
    October 22
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    superb! pretty much all i have to say!

  • jello7654
    October 22
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    ummmm

    ok i guesse


  • Little Charmy
    October 22

    Edit | Reply

    Eerie

    It made my spine chill, and my skin crawl!
    I love it!!


  • The-Truth
    October 22
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    I appluad

    Great imagery 2!

  • The-Truth
    October 22
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    Long

    But its interesting

  • o0Jesseo0
    October 22

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    Wow.
    The imagery is amazing.
    Like watching a movie.


  • XxXBrokenSoulXxX
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    I Really love this I could read a billion times!!


  • mooniemc
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    Love - was like reading a storybook to my children!
    Moon


  • Alibob
    October 21

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome!!!

    Well written, a brilliant story


  • solzhenitsyn08
    October 21
    Edit | Reply

    WE HEAR THE NICE MELODY HISSING...

    OVER YOUR POEM....
    Yes poet friend "Hisses" your heart "could hear all about the" world of happiness and beauty "with" all "the chants echoing" one's "doom" in accuracy!
    "Many hands" ought to applaud your good style that "could pull at" our legs, to warn us about the nice melody you make with words.
    Thanks!



  • KatharenS
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent! This is probably one of the best story poems I have ever read. You did a wonderful job capturing the readers intrest then holding it, as you painted your stroy. Well done and good luck in the contest.


  • happy kitty kat
    October 21

    Edit | Reply

    ohhh very thoughtful

    so interesting and it made me think o things i dont normaally think about!


  • SamanthaSam gold member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    Spooky and so delicious hehe. I love this. It is so awesome and it does hold you from beginning to end with suspense. Good luck in the contest and thank you for doing this for me. Have a good day.
    Hugs,
    Sam I Am


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    October 20
    Edit | Reply
    excellent...love it thanx


  • darkyinsoul
    October 16

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    story-line is superb
    imagery is captivating
    your peice really draws the reader in
    from start to end well done
    love this stanza..

    The sun had almost fully set,
    in the sleepy town of Mobet.
    Autumn leaves on the ground,
    with winters whisper all around.

    keep up the good work
    thanks for the share
    Darky


  • bellagio girl
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    What a word picture you paint here, thank you for sharing. An awesome piece of work. Well done. Best of luck in the contest.


  • TGeiger
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    very good it draws you in and keeps you there. not like some poems where you will fall off of it then get sucked in. Kept me into the poem 100% of the time.


  • brochoppie
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! This is so good! Your choice in words brought me in instantly and kept me in. You did a great job at painting a picture for us. What a great story! I wish you the best of luck in your contests! Thank you so much for sharing this with us, I think this is a story that I will remember.


  • Jasonmc
    October 14
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    VERY VERY GOOD. I was so drawn in.


  • Sonya-Erasmus silver member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    WOW, this was awesome!!!!!
    I was hooked, I couldn't tear my eyes away.
    It I had to quote my favourite part, I would actually have to copy and paste the whole poem
    Truly brilliant!
    Best wishes
    Sonya

  • ThEcHoSeNoNe
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    well done


  • VampireKitty-
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this is was written so well..i was sucked in until i read every last word...i loved how you put poetry and story together very good story within to...great job...i look forward to reading more


  • raggyann
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    i love horror stories and this was realy good
    i love the images and i think it would make a good movie too


  • glenn shannon silver member
    October 4
    Edit | Reply
    iread this before somewhere and its awesome very clever and spooky congrats on all the tropheys and good luck in this one too

  • courtinglife
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    Loved it--though the format was weird on my phone--and the poem kept me going with a lovely, scary momentum. I had to find out what was next! Unfortunately some of the rhymes did seem a little forced and the meter was a little off in some places so I had to reread some lines. Good job keeping my interest, though.


  • Good Mourning Moon
    September 26

    Edit | Reply
    oh yeah.... and the names of the places and people you made were fantastic and fitting. you are a great story teller as well as a great poet.


  • Good Mourning Moon
    September 26
    Edit | Reply
    Ai, that's really scary....
    and really well done.
    the only line I MIGHT have to be more critical about (beacause the rest, i truly like) is "they stopped and stared with an evil glance" i didn't think it was powerful enough for the rest of the 'horror' feeling you get. something more pentrating, more frightening. perhaps be more vivid, and maybe even gruelish (if that's the right word)
    .overal...great.


  • Elle Kaye
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good, A little longer then I normally read but very enjoyable. You worded everything really well, and the rhyming scheme is flawless. Everything flows very well. I quite like your style, If I have the time i will look up more of your stuff. Best of luck in the contests, I would be surprised if this doesn't place. All in all this is a really amazing piece of writing, thankyou for sharing it.

  • mayer
    September 25
    Edit | Reply
    I like this piece. Well done.


  • star girl
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    This was a really great poem. I really liked this.It has a frightening theme to it, which a lot of people can't pull off all the way through, but you did.Awesome! I really liked this one. And i hope to see more of your work.

  • proudmama04052009
    September 25
    Edit | Reply
    The poem cuts off so I don't know what its all about of what to say. Otherwise, the poem is great.


    • FAH faithandhope
      September 25
      Edit | Reply
      I'm not sure what you mean that the poem cuts off. It looks fine on my page. It is a long poem with a 133 lines.


  • Wickedruby1 gold member
    September 24

    Edit | Reply

    Woooooooo

    Dark old houses frighten me silly, I was brought up in one and stayed under my grandmothers dress tail all the time. We could hear things in the night and the steps squeeked like something was walking.


  • Biggest-MIstake
    September 24
    Edit | Reply
    that ia ana alwsome poem great write


  • FinalWhisper
    September 22

    Edit | Reply

    Great

    A great work I must say and I greatly enjoyed the ending. The flow is good and the interest level quite high though I liked, most of all, the touch with the poster and the boy's face on it, very nice indeed. Dark, demonic, and delicious to the creative open mind!

    Thanks for the entry!

    Truly and Darkly,
    Dirk


  • DarkLadyDragoness
    September 20
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...I wish I could write like this. Great Poem!!


  • Samyuktha P.C.
    September 13
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting story, filled with horror. Thank you for your entry. Best of luck. :


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 11
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on your many wins with this piece. Technically, there was one fishy rhyme, forgotten & shocking, and in the last stanza, the second line could be revised to lose a couple of syllables, other than that this is a magnificent piece, held my attention to the end. I find it hard to find quality story telling poems like this one, great job.


    whisper :

  • WitchyCatWoman
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    This was very good. It holds you to the end of the poem. Very good tale and dark. This would make a good story around a campfire lol. Awesome stuff. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest. Keep on penning.
    Cat


  • My Chronos gold member
    September 4
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful poem and story. Thanks for entering.


  • Rosefrn silver member
    September 4
    Edit | Reply
    oooh scary. I really like this

  • izzy1804
    September 1
    Edit | Reply
    Oooh I love this one. It's great!


  • xBloodPromisedx
    September 1
    Edit | Reply

    Goosebumps.....

    Oh my god.. Utterly Amazing... Good Luck....

  • Brilliant...

    Oh wow, amazing read, the lines went so quickly and at the end I wanted some more... It takes a lot to keep me interested in a write .

    I hope you are going ot do a follow up on this one, if you do, please send me a link so I can read it...

    You have a magical pen dear poet, keep writing, you are truly talented...

    illusion


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    August 31
    Edit | Reply
    ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE.....it's flawless form and rhyme....made you
    want to get up and dance!

    That was a sip of poetic heaven (or perhaps hell)
    s(oft wicked cackle)

    Ah...thankyou poet for giving us all
    a wise ~writing~ lesson!

    PERFECTION! ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!
    ears2hearyou/Kathleen/Seattle

    Applause-Applause-Applause

    (p.s. I almost thought you were my re-incarnated
    great grandfather (irish) he used to tell us
    his grandchildren wicked stories..with our
    mothers hissing at him in the background)

    we ...children ...adored him!
    It's a fine art to do it well....smile proudly...you slaughtered it!


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    August 30
    Edit | Reply
    I love the concept of this, really makes you think.
    Thanks for sharing!


    x

    Keep writing!

  • WOW

    You are an incredible storyteller -- poetic style. You kept me sitting on the edge of my seat wondering which direction you would take. 133 lines just rolled past the reader with ease, you hardly realize how long it is.

    When telling a story either 'straight' or 'poetically' I believe if you don't hook the reader, you'll never capture the reader throughout the story. The stanzas:

    " The sun had almost fully set,
    in the sleepy town of Mobet.
    Autumn leaves on the ground,
    with winters whisper all around.

    High in a clubhouse of a very old oak tree,
    three boys drew straws to see who it would be.
    With the short straw in the hand of the youngest boy,
    the two others snickered as their eyes danced for joy"

    I love the town name. I'm not sure if you just made up something to rhyme with set [accidental], or if you planned it from the start. I can honestly think this poem could easily be made into a book, then a movie. The imagery you've used clearly paints a picture and tells the story.

    Stories from the town of Mobet, truly can be a classic. ~ [it just sounds so well!]

    I think every 'adventurous' child has looked at a neighbors house as a haunted house. ~ The spin you put in at the end, could easily keep this going on.

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story/poem. Anyone could see the work you've put into this, I'd like to see this a metered format, too. I'd like to see this as a book! ~ Thanks for entering the contest, it was my pleasure having you.


  • MoonlitRoses
    August 29
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful poem with great imagery =]


  • Shulamite
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know why, but I started to smile after reading this. I thought I was very cool and some parts kinda reminded me a little of Poe. Just a little bit. I hope you do well in the contests you've entered.

  • Wow this was really good! It gave me chills as I read on and I just couldn't stop reading! I had to find out what happened to little Mark. This was very good! Props to you

  • Oh goodness. You gave me chills. Wonderful.

  • nadine.
    August 28
    Edit | Reply
    oh geez. that's gonna give me nigthmares.


  • Rogue-Poet
    August 28
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully creepy

  • AgilityHex
    August 28
    Edit | Reply
    I love it

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