The boy skank comes in, sits down
By the fire,
on the fire,
in the fire
The fire is the boy
Melding with him
He glitters gold teeth at its avarice
Pushing it roughly
A shove of disdain
The madhouse pills
Like jelly tots in his melting palms
Which the plants chomp down
Venus flytraps consuming whole cows
Slovenly in appearance
He decorates himself
With all the trappings of a rich man
Gone mad
Playing with plasticene
It bends him out of shape
Hurting his insides like water
Oh no! no! no!
Like acid, man! Like acid!
Then it trickles out of his fingers
And drips his suffering onto the sofa
Morphing into a blender
With all his insides like pulp
And then they throw in some fruit
And maybe some yoghurt and ice cream too
Just to spice it up, you know
Beat in two eggs
Heck! What a recipe!
And frogs leap out of the sand
to catch him
and pull him back
to play in the litterbox
Swings, jungle gyms
Oh! What a sweet parade
Of utter garbage!
Extra-terrestrials
Whoa!!! Can he even spell that???
Brushing his mouth out
With the detergent they gave him yesterday
Twinkle twirly candy canes
Off the posters
Advertising impending doom and justice
With spartan practicality
And the boy runs off the end of the world
Swiping his cards
Through the jokers and kings
Flight deck entertainment
As he flutters by some geese heading south
Cuts his hair
Off the mattress, with angle grinders
Sparking rage in his chainsaw mentality
Felling trees in the desert
Whoop di doo friend!
It has arrived!
Play the trumpet and whirlwind orchestra
For the ground beckons to slap his face!
He irons his dilemmas
In the forge of sweets and chocolates
The smith pressing cold steel
Into the boys meshed cartoons
As those figures dance before him
Jesters all to his whim and fancy
Catch the next episode
When they mend his frailties
With an overdose of legal tripping
Synthetic karma for practising democracy
And then he wakes up
To realise he's just in another dream.
Author notes
Hi
For some insight into what this poem is about just come smoke a peace pipe and get irie with me. Drift away on a cloud of wandering.
Kind regards
Previn
Written October 27th, 2006
A contest entry
- Prewrite Phenomenon #7 by Ryno.
300 points, ended May 10, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Battle of the Bronze by th3sl4y3r.
580 points, ended June 14, 2007, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nonsensicality by Myao.
425 points, ended May 30, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You know you want to enter this contest by KnightOfTheRose.
380 points, ended August 13, 2007, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING! by Beating.
1300 points, ended September 13, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wierd And Wacky And Bizzare by lesbian-in-love.
525 points, ended November 13, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Send Me A Poem by crystallynnbradford.
400 points, ended November 9, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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This came across to me as more humorous than confusing.
For this reason I'm removing your entry. You're always welcome to enter another one of my contests, though.
Thanks for entering.
--Aden -
this is a very intersting piece and i enjoyed reading it...thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
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That was wierd and bizzare. Plus it was a good poem to enter into my contest. Nicely done. Good luck to you and keep on writing.
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well done! I really liked this! Great write! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
Nice entry. Made very little sense, indeed. The authors note is really going to hinder it though, as I cannot be bothered to inquire. (not to mention, I would like everyone to understand!)
Thanks for entering =) -
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Hi
Please note I have amended the authors notes.
Please let me know if the change is more to your liking.
Kind regards
Previn
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I like the use of metaphores in this poem, through the entire poem, which is so very well done... a very intresting choice of wording, fantastic imagery from the words and in the metaphore also.. I could picture this boy, like the fool who walks the earth, day by day facing obsticles that can not be avoided even though we try very hard to avoid them... seeing a dark side of life, love and the earth, feeling it within his bones and dripping out of him like acid... just awesome... I could not possibly choose any part of this that I like the most, for this whole poem is wonderfully written, well done!!
thank you fo rnetering my contest and good luck..
peace and light always.. -
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Hi
Thank you kindly for the great comment on my poem Pain & Pleasure. Tis a pleasure to participate in your contest.
Kind regards
Previn
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Wow... this is powerful and interestingly worded. The voice you penned behind this just gave us an atmosphere of the pictures you were trying portray by penning them into a metaphor. Excellent work. I feel this would appear and add more to the poem if left aligned, but that is just a personal preferance.
Thank-you for your entry!
~Ryan~ -
This is certainly a wonderful poem, full of twists and turns, new and conflicting ideas. However, it isn't really the type of poem I like, as I find the thread linking the piece gets lost in each stanza and so it seems like a lot of unrelated stanzas lumped together, rather than a poem.
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Ciò è espressa in modo bello.
Wow. I don't think I have ever read anything quite like this. Ups and downs... downs and ups. An emotional rollarcoaster. Twists. Turns. Loops. A drug affected mind can bring such chaotic confusion and illusion.
*sigh* Sadly, even with the insight into whats its like... never will I understand. I can honestly say that this brought me to tears. Old memories of what friends used to be like, and how they are now. How can this be such a thing to turn to? I understand the realities of it... but how can someone just put theirself through this?
How can someone go through this and not see the affects? The visual insight through your eyes is only one of many, I know, but I still don't think I can ever understand.
WHY!?!?
The affects of any drug what-so-ever takes its toll on your whole entire life. Everyone elses life too... Why do people do this to themselves and to everyone around them?!
...
Sorry I really got off on a tangent there, but I have... well personally never done drugs, but what I have seen and gone through has scared the life out of me...
Well written. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. La vita è fragile.
~*xxAngelicWingsxx*~ -
I think you should have left out the notes, and let us deduce that the whole was drug-inspired. I think I would have guessed
. Well, I thought you were totally pulling our leg throughout, until I got to the bathos of the last line, and had a little chuckle. Not my kind of poem, but a good effort. Hope it does well.
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Thanks for the comment!
Checked out your author page, its cool. Loved the pic of the butterfly girl, its wickedly sexy!
Previn -
Whooo Hoooo a head rush (and free lol ) you have written the rollarcoaster of the drug affected mind well, Up, down, twists and turns.....
You have painted a visual insight through your eyes...
well done
Tracey -
that was amazing, i've never really read anything like it, it was broad, striking, insane..which i absolutely love, but it had this relaxing feel to it, which made it even more awe-inspiring, honestly, i would have given you the gold, utterly incredible
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Congratulations!
What a ride! After that, you'd need a holiday I reckon
. Congratulations on the silver Previn. This seems and explosion of all the mushrooms and Lysergy's I've ever known.
Best wishes -Emmjay
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A fine roller coaster ride you have allowed me to ride on there. Great job!! It twisted and turned and had me holding on until the end. FaeryPixieFey sending a smoosh your way.
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Honestly, I don't think you know how much this fits what I'm looking for. This is just so perfect. It's crazy perfect. Like.. just wow. I can't say much else other than you have some wicked talent.
"As those figures dance before him
Jesters all to his whim and fancy
Catch the next episode
When they mend his frailties"
Your imagery is detailed so beautifully and how you incoporate the abstract into every single line is amazing. Just a wonderful, wonderful write. I couldn't be more pleased with this. -
Outstanding
I liked this poem a lot. I thought your imagery was especially good with always an unexpected twist so that I kept wondering how the poem would develop. Go ask alice.... -
wow.. now that's something you don't read everyday! something different and alive!
very very amazing write! wonderful! greatly put together and great images
amazing write
~rana~ -
Excellent!
A twisted Alice and Wonderland charade! I liked the imagery it gave out. You have to be reallypaying attention to the words to put together a scene! -
Thank you for all the wonderful comments,t ehy really mean a lot.
Kind regards
Previn -
You've really captured that pleasurable madness in your words; almost like a trip on the edge of going bad. I loved this poem, it took me up and spun me round with that little bit of insanity that gives life its spice.
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Thank you for the feedback
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Thank you kindly
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Wow, hard to follow since I've never done any drugs myself. Never felt the need, I can just get drunk xD. Anyways, this poem is crazy I like that it turns out to be a kickass dream. I've had my fair share of fucked up dreams like when virus bubbles chased me and I bled black blood... but that's another story... Anyways, this poem, although I got lost in it, at least kept me entertained and that's more than I can say for most! Keep writing! And good luck in the contest I assume.
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Holy moly...so bizzare but wickedly awesome at the same time.
Major props for this piece, seriously. My favorite lines are these :"It has arrived!
Play the trumpet and whirlwind orchestra
For the ground beckons to slap his face!"
Nice job. Best wishes in all you do.
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