One hundred pounds of pressure weigh down my chest,
Same as before, but different nevertheless,
Same force of feeling put unto me,
Same closed doors, preventing me of flee,
Long neverending days of complete remorse,
And long nights disturbed by nightmares and jerked force,
You hurt me more than I thought anyone could,
But, I dont know why, You hurt me so good...
Author notes
Sorry its so short =/
Written October 26th, 2006
A contest entry
- Pain by PhoenixFox.
400 points, ended November 9, 2006, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Hello and thank you for entering the contest
I have to agree with dragonsear - this poem does seem to be about an attack of the heart. I see your spelling has been corrected, but your grammar is a little off-key: preventing me of flee for example. What does that mean? And although I think I can see what you are trying to say/do with the final line, I'm not sure it works for me. Or the poem.
However, you do encompass the feeling of pain in this piece.
I'm glad I got the chance to read this.
Good luck!
~ Fox
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By your title, I kind of expected something else. You'll want to proofread this as there are some typos.
From your first line, I thought this was going to be about a heart attack but it seems it's about an attack of the heart.
best wishes for the contest.
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