Hope glowed today,
like this fire,
warming my cheek.
I spent the day cooking,
pouring love
into a pan,
stirring,
watching it overflow.
The sun has now grown
beamless.
There is loss,
knowing
the conclusion,
much like my declining
grandfather's redundant
stories.
I’m waiting,
still,
to serve you.
The table is set,
candles lit,
hoping...
you
will digest
part
of
me.
Author notes
Written October 25th, 2006
A contest entry
- New Members Contest - October 2006 by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended November 5, 2006, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Auditions for Freeverse Frenzy by FindingFate.
300 points, ended March 4, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give your prewrites a place to belong by Starz of Heaven.
550 points, ended July 24, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems That Should Have Won...But Didn't by trista.
1050 points, ended February 24, 47 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Morning Michelle
Just reading again
and Trista comment as well
Rick
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darling...you know i'd starve to death without your words and luv
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Wow. What an excellent metaphor. We pour out of love and expose ourselves long to be received and accepted. The universal truth of want to love and be loved in return. This piece portrays the love language of service wanting to be accepted, appreciated and returned.
How I relate again. This is why I keep returning again and again to your poems. I relate to your words and your experiences. A poet who connects so deeply with the reader is a poet indeed. -
interesting
interesting write and an unusual look at love . . liked "pouring love into a pan" and "you will digest part of me" . . congrats on the trophy
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wow. I see you in your words and I can tell it is easy for you. The declining redundant stories is awesome!
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Wow!!
Ooooooooooooooh Love this piece You have penned and the images just grab the reader!!
Powerful
The energy digested with Spirit satiated~~
Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
-Throws confetti-
Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo
Love this
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
-
As much as I like longer poems that can take full advantage of things like alliteration and metaphors, I find this very crisp and with a wonderful use of word economy. Your images are clear and well chosen. Just that beginning optimism of "her" cooking, then the loneliness of the waiting candles...well, it's something I can easily connect with, along with the hopes of having the efforts appreciated, and being "consumed" in a positive way.
I see from the other comments that your title has undergone a few changes maybe? I think the one you have now is great. It has a metaphorical meaning and is very fitting to the verse.
About the only thing I can find to nit-pick is the punctuation in one stanza. One of the best ways I've found to figure out where commas and periods should go is to write it out like a sentence:
"There is loss, knowing, the conclusion, much like, my declining grandfather's redundant stories." To me, that reads a bit choppy. Compare to: "There is loss, knowing the conclusion, much like my declining grandfather's redundant stories." I would punctuate the broken lines that same way. But as always, just a suggestion. I think you've used your line breaks very effectively to put a pause in some of the other places you want to slow the reading down without needing or wanting to punctuate.
Thanks so much for a great entry, and good luck. I really am surprised this hasn't gotten a trophy before...
Best wishes,
~J.
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WOW WOW WOW WOW, you would think being a poet, I would come up with something more original than WOW, but WOW! I am really honored to have won bronze in this huge contest with so many respectable, lovely entries!
I love the point you make about how we want more constructiveness than sometimes we give. I do know, I crave it, I want to learn and grow as a poet. I appreciate your feedback always and on this poem, I took you suggestions.
So, thank you for this inspiring contest, the feedback, the bronze and mostly for being so real, just you.
blessings and love,
Michelle
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Excellent
The table is set,
candles lit,
hoping...
Great set-up in this
The way you endid it is excellent
I am suprised this never won
Rick -
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thanks Rick~ I hope your wife agrees and is also surprised this never won, I added punctuation just for her.
Glad to see you still call this excellent, I hate getting demoted.
love
Michelle
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what a lovely thought to digest part of you,
whether sizzling hot, or silky as the texture of creme brulee. I enjoyed this glimpse into your most appetizing, and yet sadly bittersweet cuisine.
. Rewarded 4
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HI Artis, I see you liked this.
Thank you.
love
Michelle
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Oh this is beautiful writing grandstand imagery a perfect flow and the emotions are so clear all togather this making a wonderful read I am so glad to have stopped by here wishing you all the luck in the contest this is a great show of talent
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you blonde. I appreciate your well wishes and saying this is a great show of talent, that is a great compliment.
blessings,
Michelle
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How did I miss this one? I love it! And it says soooooo much in so few words! What a great read this morning Sis!
I may have to mention this... Oh fudge, you know what I was gonna say
Beautiful work!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
. Rewarded 6
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MOrning Sis,
thanks for saying this is a great read and for wishing me luck...you are funny.
love ya
Michelle
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Unusually beautiful poetic work!! Your imagination is toooooo good!! Brilliant execution indeed!!
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'I spent the day cooking
pouring love into a pan
stirring
watching it overflow
I’m waiting
still
to serve you
the table is set
candles lit
hoping
you will digest
part of me '
I love that. hopeful, yes, but almost desperate. I've been there before and, sadly, I think a lot of people have =/ great write. far too often I search allpoetry, coming up empty-handed of anything original, feels good to be reading poems with new ideas, or creative spins on old ones. -
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Thank you for another great comment, for saying this is original. Yes, this was hopeful, yet desperate. I think we all as humans so crave to be truely understood and accepted...is coming close the best we can do, I am not sure.
best to you,
Michelle
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This is a very nice write.Thank you for your entry. Best of luck to you.
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Great write
This, I think is one of your very best. Just the way it is formed . The lines with a mixture of wonder and love. Absolutely wonderful
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Bob
thank you
this is actually one of my favorites as well
I am glad it appealed to you also
blessing to you,
Michelle
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I like how you managed to pen of a cycle of emotion from a moment. Thank you for this.
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Excellent
.
Some of your writing is realy perfound
I’m waiting
still
to serve you
the table set
candles lit
hoping
you will digest
part of me
Rick
-
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excellent
another excellent from you, thank you.
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thank you for reading my poem and for all your great comments, I am honored! I love to cook almost as much as I love to write!
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i like the begining here, it starts off extremely positively which sets the mood through the rest of the poem. cooking sounds good, i like messing about in the kitchen. if you saw my football belly you'd realise that lol a good ending, living in the throes of hope's smile, anicipating a show. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Thank you for the feedback on this, I will work on the title... this is an area I need to improve on, this is where I get stuck. Again, thanks for reading my poem and your input!
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Yeah, I don't know what I would call it, but I feel that having the title the same as the first line of the poem doesn't give a huge impact .....
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Thank you for the comment! The title was Marriage then I changed it to Hope Glowed, perhaps I still need to think about another title still? I really appreciate your critique, it really is encouraging!
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Hi. Welcome to AllPoetry.
This is a nicely written poem. You kind of tell a mini-story here, and use some lovely ideas in it. I agree with others that the title could be improved. The poem is brilliant and the title just seems to be lacking that special something.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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thank you for reading and commenting on my poem. Thanks for the encouragment! I am so enjoying reading and being read!
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A very unique title this is and so it the poem Well felt and written. Welcome to Allpoetry hope you enjoy reading and being read..
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The more I read your work the more inspired I am today. I like this one it's edgy. I love the last stanza especially the line:
" hoping you will digest part of me"
Love gio -
thank you for reading my poem and for your feedback!
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Thank you for your possitive feedback and suggestions. I am loving this site! I took your advice about taking out the punctuation, I agree with you.
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You have some good lines here. I am not sure you need all the commas and periods you have used.. it interupts the flow just a bit (in my opinion). I really liked the whole idea of this piece.. like the wording you used. Nicely done. Thank you for sharing. Good luck to you and wlecome to AP
~Kristy -
completely palatable!
I love this poem especially the way you chose to conclude it...'hoping you will digest part of me'... that's great! I like the first three words for the title myself... Hope glowed today.
Good luck to you, Kj -
Thank you so much for the feedback, I am so hungry for it. It is funny you mention the title, as I have changed it several times and am still not crazy about it, so it is helpful to get your feedback on that. Again, thank you for ready my work and taking the time to critique.
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The least appealing thing about this piece is none other than the title. I don't know why it strikes me as being so odd or lacking perhaps. I love the poem itself though. I found it to be wonderfully creative and thoughtful and the format was inline with the work itself. One of the things I love most about free style poetry is the fact that it allows the writer to become as expressive as they want. It also allows you to inflict as little or as much emotion into a piece to pass on to the reader. That’s a pretty powerful feeling. This is a perfect example of why I love this style so much. Don't ever stop stretching yourself as a writer or sharing your talent. Since you are new to our site, as a site greeter let me just say, welcome aboard! I hope you discover us to be a helpful and friendly place for posting your works. I encourage you to take some time to wander the site and check out all that we have to offer here. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact any greeter here. Good kuck in the contest!
♥ Touchof1der
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Very nicely done! Welcome to AP and all the best in the contest!
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