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Truth

We live in a world of dreams.
In the luminous radiance
Of the mind,
Lies fail and fall to darkness.

Insane beyond comprehension, some look
At the tragic beauty
This world offers
And wrestle with tangibility.

Shear and torsion
Of flesh and bone:
Blood-particle mingle.

They speak of love
In gasping breaths,
To choke upon exhale.

Unthinkable for them to believe:
Unwavering the suicidal course.

I've survived to write my significance
In the sand, then build the castle.

I watch illusions drift out to sea

and disappear over the horizon.


 

Author notes


Written October 25th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • mjseattle silver member
    October 25, 2006
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    Thank you for the wonderful comment on my poem. I hope you have a good time judging. Best. mj:=)


  • AmazinJason
    October 25, 2006
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    A beautiful flow of fragrant words to pull the mind into another realm, giving one a strong vivid view of anothers spiritual quest for the truth.
    Truly beautiful.


  • mjseattle silver member
    October 25, 2006
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    Than-you for your wonderful, powerful, one-word comment. I do appreciate it. mj:=)

  • mjseattle silver member
    October 25, 2006
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    Thank-you for leaving the thoughtful comment. Actually, the ending is hope. I think if more people could manage to let go of their illusions, the things we surround ourselvs with for happiness) their chances of finding happineswould be greater. Best. mj :=)


  • mjseattle silver member
    October 25, 2006
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    Thank you for reading my poem and leaving a comment. It was most appreciated. mj:=)

  • Meggh LotusMay
    October 25, 2006
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    This was really well written. Once I'd read it, I had to sit still for a while and get my head round it. The ending's quite sad, I wish you could put some hope in to it. I can imagine your illusions as little bits of drift wood or boats or whatever. Your imagination is completely different to mine. I loved the way you described the mind at the beginning and I liked the way you said that you'd survived to write your name in the sand and then built a castle. It makes me think of your hopes building up. I think that's why the sad ending took me by surprise. Ok, I'll shut up now because I'm waffling. Basically, this is a fantastic poem and it sounds as if it's come from real life emotions? Keep writing!


  • Kitesen
    October 25, 2006
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    Oh yeah, spit it out but don't forget to grasp for the sun. It's yours. Maybe your not wealthy or healty but certainly gifted. So you'r rich live it like that. I don't find back that hope what their should be, painfull would be a better deffinition.

  • mjseattle silver member
    October 25, 2006
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    Bigmammajen, Thankyou for reading my poem and leaving the critique. I do appreciate your insight. mj:=)
    Edited on Oct 25, 5:52 p.m. because ''.


  • Bigmammajen
    October 25, 2006
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    I love those last two thoughts - they could stand alone as a poem and say just as much or more than you have by adding the rest of it to this piece.

    great work

  • mjseattle silver member
    October 25, 2006
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    Shamster, I was editing as you were writing your wonderful comment. Thanks for the accolades. I didn't mean for the darkness to be visited on me (the suicide comment) but on those who don't believe. I tweaked it in a few places and a big tweak on the ending. I want it to end on hope. Please come back and take a peek. Tell me if it communicates better.


  • white stone
    October 25, 2006
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    Many people go through life doe eyed and ignorantly blissful, pained only by mortgages and meals, outfits and matrimony, children and work. That is fine for them. Others, though, look to the pattern of human existance and nature. There they first confront true horror, overlayed by beauty, which makes reality all the more painful to them. They look for deeper meaning, seemingly in vain. The dichotomy of life irks them until they crack. I believe these people are the true lovers of life. Ones who are not afraid to look chaos in the eye and still have the hope to look for goodness. I believe you are one of these people. You seem to especially like the phrase "shear and torsion", and from your writings, I like it too. When wrestling with tangibility, some blood is bound to fly. Pondering the last few lines, I am wrestling with their tangibility. I do believe that the illusion falls away intuitively, but only if the intuition is sharp. Then the illusion shows meaning laying like a stick in the path, there for comers to carve as they will into stylus, spear, walking stick or whatever. I dug this mj. Walked away with fresh thought. And what's up with the suicide deal, anyway? No early checkout for you, bro. Surely that part must be fantasy or something. Good write.


  • soulfultia gold member
    October 25, 2006
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    good

    This was an intriguing piece, dark and pained. I did not like reading the words "my insignificant" when I know it is associated with you. I don't feel anyone is insignificant and our purpose seems to come to our life with what we put into it. I don't know the circumstances that instigated the write, but regardless, you my friend would never be insignificant. Well then... the write was another peek into your talent! Great flow and descriptive imagery fell from your words. Keep up the good work! Looking forward as always to more, enjoy reading your work...~Tia


  • individuality gold member
    October 25, 2006
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    i like the dark imagery here but pushed into the face of hope, it is very good. a positive dark piece lol i wish that you have good luck in the contest you have entered. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...

1 - 13 of 13