Lying in the dark
listening to you breathe,
plotting your demise,
fighting off the need.
Pictures, mementos and pieces of you
litter my fevered brain.
White hot rage fills my soul,
I embrace this searing pain.
Plunging to the hilt,
your warmth flows through my fingers.
My eyes stare upon your face
as the last of your life lingers.
I can see her,
dancing around, drink in hand.
My thirst for vengeance mounts,
I'm taking this final stand!
I have to punish her tonight
for making this mistake.
She used him you see,
just to soothe an ache.
It was she who forced my hand
by sleeping with my man.
Now I will end her life
to complete my master plan.
Hooded from the light
my hands surround her delicate throat.
Existence fades to black,
her body begins to bloat.
Celebrating victory,
I paint my lips with blood you bled.
A secret smile spreads across my face,
I'm so glad you both are dead.
Author notes
Anger is a powerful thing, as is revenge. I guess the moral of the story is ~ Don't fuck it up! Don't cheat.
Option number 21: Murder for xxBrokenByLovexx
Option number 1 for A Stormcrows Raven
Written October 24th, 2006
A contest entry
- Sentimental Anger by Tweedle Dee.
634 points, ended February 15, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥♥♥ Lots of Options, Lots of Types of Poetry, Lots of Stuff For You!♥♥♥ by xxRainbowDawnxx.
400 points, ended March 3, 2007, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hopelessly Hopeful by BAMFNx3.
850 points, ended August 28, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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This was hateful, angry, and filled with raw emotion. I loved every word. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Ah that of Crimes of Passion... I wrote one similar to this, but reversed. A man finds his wife cheating and kills her and the partner. It's a horrible image and many can't relate to how people can do such disturbing and inhumane things. But the bottom line is those who are insecure and mentally unstable already, with low a low opinion of themselves, issues with trust and paranoia etc... Then when they are cheated on or potentially cheated on, or left... They kind of well... Go mad. Brilliantly portrayed. Liked the last stanza.
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wow a very dark and powerful write! You are right in saying anger is powerful, probably the most powerful emotion we possess! This is wonderfully wicked, your pain and thirst for vengence strenghten this poem greatly! Must enjoyed!
~Avalin~ -
Yes, anger is a very powerful weapon, but there aren't many people who understand that. Good job. I love the raw emotion and imagery in this poem. Once again, good job and good luck in my contest.
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Wow. I love this poem. I loved the imagry and the plot is great. I like the way you went after both of them instead of just one. Sweet sweet bloody revenge. Lol. If I allow pre-writes later on I'll be sure to contact you.
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This was a great poem!
I love how your font and background correspond not only to eachother but to the poem also.
My favorite line was:
"My eyes stare upon your face
as the last of your life lingers."
Great job!
Thank you for your entry.
Good Luck! -
great poem and liked it very much...thanks for entering it.
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very nicely put! i like ur style of writing! it brings the scenario to life..its very nicely framed as well! i like the last 4 lines the best...overall an impresive write..thanks fro entering and good luck..
preet -
Hauntingly Beautiful.
This is an amazing poem, you depict with your words the image of a woman scorned and the wrath that she deals to those who deserve it. Very good, keep writing.
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shit.....i will no longer ever get on your badside.....like i would anyways i luv u too much!
this poem rocks makes me think of a morbid robin hood..very errie. and kinda fantasy like but wow i can picture the blood lip stick..smexi...nikki likes..lol btw nikki my name too
just caught on to that...but i think this nikki...refering to you being THIS NIKKI..is a little demonic than that nikki that i am..lol im confused now..but this poem is great like a dark lalluby waiting to be interupted by laughter and screams
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh do i love it when you bring in the blood and gore
mensch!
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amazing poems come from anger and this is one of them. good job
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Damn, girl! Remind me to stay away from your man! I won't even look at him. But I think that would be any woman's reaction. You just captured it well. The layout was awesome, great rhyming, not forced. And I really enjoyed reading it.
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I was feeling a little vengeful on the day I wrote this. I was accused of cheating in my marriage (I NEVER did) and because he was so adament that I did, I thought that he possibly cheated on me. Recently my suspicion was confirmed and even though we have been divorced for more than two years, I thought of what I would have liked to do if we were still together and I had just found out. This was the result. I guess you could say I was a little angry.
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fucking sick!
wow great write! very powerful emotions and thoughts!
loved the darkness and rage!
"I can see her,
dancing around, drink in hand.
My thirst for vengeance mounts,
I'm taking this final stand!"
that was my favortie stanza, great word usage and rhyming!
yeah cheating isnt good
thanks for sharing this!
keep writing, this is good!
good luck in the contest!
♥
~SomeoneNobodyLikes -
This is dark and actually a little scary. I've had thoughts similar to these, but just not as instense, and I've never followed through with them...obviously. I really like it in all it's darkness.
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two paws up
Wow!!! I'm impressed... I'm curious though... What inspired you to write this poem? -
awesome
As soon as I saw your name in the featured section... I clicked before reading! I have read this and it was....just as venomous as the first slither through! Awesome job, awesome, I am going to try to applaud again, but I don't think it lets you do it twice! Arghhh. Keep it up....
~Tia
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I too have been hurt by love. I have witness the woman I love having another on top of her & almost killed him as well. And I am afraid to say I polly would have had not the sherrif came by to stop it. He had a 6 wk stay in the hospital as it was. Anyway I know this pain But it will heal. Time will heal it. councelling will heal it. just don't go into self medicating with alcohol. THAT doesn't work. I wish you well. THIS was a ver well written poem. Brought some bad memories back but that just shows how well it was written. Good job & Good Luck.
~Ron~
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Very.... surreal, nicole... And I can certainly relate. Great job! You have a wonderful talent.
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Brilliant piece
This is a magnificent piece of writing. The flow was amazing in this. And it was so deep too. Brilliantly conceived. Keep writing. You have got talent. Peace be with you. -
This is a powerful poem that you have written, so full of emotional good luck in the contest
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This is such a fantastic powerful write-the subject matter too is I personally feel a very important issue-fidelty-loyalty- a mutual respect- all go a long way in making of a relationship work- these are very basic expectations which one assumes comes naturally with any relationship-any breach in it is actually defacing -marring that relationship- it is not worth it at all-ever-
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It's not about jealousy per se, it's more about respect for the other person. In an open relationship there is at least a communication with the other person and a mutual respect. When one person cheats and obviously knows the other person is going to feel betrayed then there is something wrong with that and revenge is surely in order. Don't get into a committed relationship with someone who appreciates monogamy if you are there wanting an open relationship. That is something one should know from the beginning. Cheating in any form is wrong in my book and that has NOTHING to do with religious leaders, laws, or other people... that comes straight from the horses mouth. I don't like to be used or hurt, I give that same respect to others as well.
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Excellant/Intriguing
A very dark write indeed, which I hope is only in your imagination. One thing about our culture, which I've never understood, is why we humans think we have the right to posess a person as if his or her body were just a piece of furniture or a car, etc. Just because two individuals are in a relationship, I don't think that means that either of them "owns" the other persons body. Jealousy is such a foolish emotion. I think open relationships, with due consideration for STD's, etc., is the most honest type of relationship. As long as both individuals agree to it. I don't think humans were ever meant to be monogomous. That is just a standard imposed on us primarily by religious leaders who, for whatever wierd reasons, think that they have the right to control us. -
Totally understandable about betrayl! Such a great write! Good luck in your contest, I have to come back and re-read this one! ~Sie
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Yikes this is so dark I really like it. Your expressions here are wonderful your anger just jumped right out at me! I really enjoyed this one by you, keep writing! Thanks for being so encouraging to me your words and comments are very much apriecated!
~Avalin~ -
wow.....there really isn't much more I can say. This is a really emotionaly put forth poem. The emotion put into this is so great it's almost spilling from the page filling the room with anger and hatred. Beatiful piece absolutly beautiful. I love how you put this whole thing together very excelent! I love this piece a lot. Great job. Thank you for writing such a wonderful poem. Keep on penning
-Simple Tragedy- -
a good dark themed piece here, a good flow to the poem which carried me along nicely, thanks. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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This is so much more than good... Oh I can certainly relate to the thoughts behind this piece. I can understand the reasoning behind this urge for vengence. This is so very well expressed, so dark and well described; I cannot even find the words. Very nice piece! Best wishes!
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Amazingly dark...
Amazingly surreal - I didn't know you had it in you... This piece is a very illuminating, yet dark tapestry - Great work - I hope you win the contest!! -
Beautifully emotional
We all get mixed up when our emotions need to be released because our trust in people has been shattered.
Or the love we felt for them has been betrayed.
But anger is an emotion that blinds us to the truth we cannot face.
The truth being that inside, instead of wanting revenge, or to hurt. Inside we are crying such tears because of the loss we feel and the betrayal of something we thought to be so wonderful.
Something that we could at last cling to and believe in.
I have been through it many times before and been betrayed because either love, flys away in another direction. Or because of simple lust.
My conclusion is and my answer to it all.
Yes by all means swim within your emotions when someone needs you as much as you need them.
But always be prepared for the butterfly of love to fly away from the garden of your life.
I see love as a butterfly now, and when it visits the garden of my life, I swim within the beauty of it. And when it flys away I do not anger I cry instead. But hold the memories of the beauty it gave me in my heart.
This is life, this is how people are, and they will never change.
To find a true heart, and to keep it. I think almost impossible, for I would never try to place the [person that I loved within a jam jar prison. For her beauty would fade and her wings would become tattered and torn. Real love is to see her fly free but always to love them. And never to jealous or anger. Only to ever be glad, that she was once in love with me.
And to only ever anger or fight to win it back, will only frighten it away.
Best to just accept and you never know the butterfly may come back to taste the nectar of the love you both once shared.
Edited on Oct 25, 6:22 because ''. -
What can I say, Karma just doesn't always have my flair. Adultry and murder are both in the "majorly wrong" category so don't they just cancel each other out so I can still be a rich person and have my revenge and leave the dung beetle in his pile... at least that's what I tell myself.
Thanks for the comment
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Holy crap... you dark sadistic.. bitch! kill everyone! ::gasps for air:: I mean...::coughs:: you should let Karma handle all matters of revenge.. then your mind and body are free from immorality and your soul can move on to be a rich person instead of a dung beetle...
::Snickers:: ok ok.. I'll stop.. great write and good luck!
J~~~ -
Who says revenge isnt sweet? Lol!
Well done hey, power to you.
My girl cheated on me early in our relationship, but I forgave her and took her back. The thing that somewhat bothers me though is that in some strange way I still havent forgiven myself. But I said to myself that if anything like that happens again then I deserve it and I will only have myself to blame.
I like the dark side you're showing here, and you're still managing to keep it all rhyming, great job! the muse certainly has you in a death grip, lol.
I've written some dark stuff as well and would be honoured if you checked it out, its a poem titled Heart to Heart.
Take care and be well Niki.
Much love
Previn -
You know what they say, "Hell hath no fury" You did a wonderful job with this. I know for sure I'd stay away from your man, cause you cut neither of them a break. Very well done and good luck in the contest. ~Cuddles
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I'm glad it met your requirements as I had this contest bookmarked. I had to carry my notebook around for a day or two so I could come up with something that fit. Thanks for commenting. Happy reading!
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Dark indeed, but so heartfelt for woman to undestand being cheated on. What really sucks is when you find out it was your best friend! Great write, good luck inthe contest. ~Sie
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This is dark, and twisted and demented at the end as well, which I quite enjoyed myself. Reading about revenge is always a good way to release some steam, and though killing someone is wrong, it always makes for a good story or whatnot when you are betrayed in such a manner.
This was quite the dark write my friend. Thank you so much for sharing this great and intriguing piece! -
Feeding anger into the emotions of darkness creates a sort of glimpse into our disfuctional rage we can not use or let loose in life, This poem is not only dark and venomous but it burns with a devour to end the pain of burdens within the soul, Amazing and brilliantly penned thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your work..
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this has sadness anger involves the piccy and the lyrices thankyou so many people for got to use these both ! weldone lovely right.
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Oh wow, and I thought I had vengeance mentality once LOL. This is a powerful write of intense emotion. Great job
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Yeah! Cheating men are bastards...I love this poem. It's so revengeful. It makes me want to get a group of people, and form a circle around you and cheer, "You go girl! Kill him! Kill her!" Very powerful and angry write. Keep writing!
*snap* -
Venomous!
Well missy... a bit of venom spewed on this page! You are on a roll girl! Keep up the good work, it is certainly igniting a fire of poetry out of you! I just slithered through the read effortlessly and it was my pleasure to read. Wonderful work from you! Thanks for sharing your work and keep that pen scrolling! I look forward to more from you ~Tia
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