The walls appear stark and virginal white,
neither reflecting nor detracting light.
An aesthetic view that is unusually pleasing,
concealing wanton desire, cleverly deceiving.
Trapped inside this tranquil cell,
be this heaven or is it truly hell?
A sacred soul bleeding crystal rime,
the feeling so desperately sublime.
As angels do silently lament,
amid the depths of my sweet torment.
And devils secretly ruminate within,
with no such aversion to torment or sin.
Be this purgatory or a transition stage?
The melting pot of my internal rage;
Where good stands to protect the gate,
from those that wish to charge with hate.
Or has the hate so always dwelled,
since from the devil's bowels expelled?
Now in this world I hear no voice,
there is no reason to yet rejoice.
Sleep silent angels, like babes at breast,
while devils seek to further their quest;
With horns that break through silky wings,
while inside nightingales do mournfully sing.
Welcome to my mind so profound,
where both good and evil can be found.
Avenging angels whose words are swords,
Their only protection from descending hordes;
And yet the evil still finds room to grow,
planting the seeds it wishes to sow.
My thoughts expand and expound,
my soul encased and forever bound.
Where do I find my sweet release,
A place to rest my head in peace?
Or is there no peace to be found in men,
destined to languish until the bitter end
What end in sight will I eventually find,
lost within the depths of such a mind?
Of good or evil, which will prevail,
within the deafening silence of this jail?
I would gladly give away my eyes
and see no more the endless skies!
For just a moment to see the truth,
that's buried so deep under evils root.
Sleep silent angels, like babes at breast,
while devils seek to further their quest;
With horns that break through silky wings,
while inside nightingales do mournfully sing.
Author notes
Quote:
"Inside everyone is light and darkness, good and evil, right and wrong. Sometimes the light is showing from you..but sometimes its the dark...but don't let them both out at the same time..for that is chaos..and that's when someone can truly go insane"
Written October 24th, 2006
The mind's internal battle of good and evil, rhyme scheme AABB
also has a repeating verse. Went for a very lyrical quality in this piece, hopefully I achieved something lyrically profound.
A contest entry
- Conflicts: Good versus Evil by Stonecosta.
530 points, ended May 2, 2007, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Leaving AP, enter whatever by OurxBeginning.
900 points, ended April 17, 2007, 32 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THIRD TIME LUCKY by maa.
333 points, ended August 25, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 66 of 66
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wonderful
i enjoyed the quote in your author's notes and can see clearly why you have won trophies w/this!! may i ask where/whom the quote is from?
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Wow, wonderful imagery and a fabulous pull to this piece.
"Where good stands to protect the gate,
from those that wish to charge with hate." love that. very good indeed.
Bravo!
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I have no hate
Only words of life
Stand strong in you
And end your strife
There are no angels
Or devils to quell
Only you, waiting
To stand against hell
Focus your body
Ready the mind
Accept who you are
Peace you will find.
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ahhh, banana,
so insightful!!
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The terrible battle between the physical and the spiritual has a tendencey to spin some out of control and they sadly lose it ...the state of mind then sinks ..a very passionate look at it poet
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Bravo!!!
You really nailed this subject matter! Your author's note added to your masterpiece. I'm bookmarking this one. Peace.
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Oh duality. What great fuel it is for the pen on paper!
Thumbs Up.
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Perfect
so i went on a quest to day to read an amazing poem! congrats you win! this had everything i wanted to read. your flow was on point and i love the repeated verse! good luck in the contest!
~NineTailedFox -
Beautiful
Such a wonderful write, the rhythmic flow is flawless throughout, superb job! Good luck in your contest!
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This is very very good and I think you ahcieved what you wanted to in this. Well done and i will be back to read this again.
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an absoulutely stunning piece of poetry about the eternal conflict of "good" and "evil" - the inherent nature of mind trapped in the snare of duality ... I am sure more than one person can identify with this message and hopefully, it will guide many towards a place of peace and unity, where those torments don't exist ...
although this poem is placed in the DARK category (which I had excluded from my contest), I can sense a lot of positive energy and lucidity in this write, so I will keep it amongst my selection of favorite choices ...
thank you,
maa
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Speechless!
I must say when I saw the amount of comments I was intrigued, but now that I've read, I'm blown away. I did a rhyming contest because I find it is rare that I read a truly gifted rhyming poet. I believe I have just met one. Thank you for the entry in my contest. -
This is so amazing, I must say. The imagery is extraordinary, but connected to the 'reality' of the poem so well. Awesome!
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This is a gorgeous poem. Your words are beautiful and the poem really draws the reader in. You have some great detailed images in this piece and it works so well.
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This, both your poem and picture, are beautiful!
I love your choice of words!
My favorite lines were:
"Trapped inside this tranquil cell
Be this heaven or is it truly hell
A sacred soul bleeding crystal rime
The feeling so desperately sublime."
Beautiful!
Thank you for entering, Best of Luck! -
Amazing!!
Cup....what can i say - you're usual brilliance!
- deep, introspective
- strong thematic continuity
- flawless rhyme
- flow was not flawless to exact meter, but is flawless if one reads at a certan speed outside of the "box" - do you understand what I mean? This is a story of a battle...it takes longer, and I find, in those cases, the meter tends to change a little - usually it gets a little longer, so, not a big deal on that really when compared to the power of your writing on the whole.
* Let's put it this way...if you don't place in the top three, you're going on the finalists list anyway....and, due to
the beauty, power and skill of this piece...i'm going to give you extra points when this done! *hug*
AWESOME JOB, SWEETIE!!! AWESOME!!! :)
.........................................................................................................................Lionslove*rose*
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Brilliant
Wonderful illustration of an internal struggle of humanity. The pain is staed strongly in this piece. Good luck in this contest!
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i enjoyed this poem for several reasons:
1) your vocabulary. it was nice to read different words placed together for a good description and to get a point across. some poems have a good message, and the author uses poor diction (word choice) and some of the meaning is lost. There was no hint of that in this poem.
2) the whole meaning of this piece was just great. everyone struggles with what's going on in their heads and it's just a good piece to read and know you aren't the only one going through this.
great job.
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its great! i love the pic a lot!!!
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FANTASTIC!This is by far one of the best poems I've read from you and a winner in it's own right!Brilliantly written and the rhyming was flawless.Truly a magnificent write!Thanks for entering and best of luck
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Serene and blessed :)
This is a beautiful masterpiece in poetry Poet, but i disagree true white wing angels never fall for the devil
it's in the Book, look it up. What is sacred is repulsive for the horned ones and they all bunny know about it, it's in the spiritual section. Just a thought this evening Blessings!
Edited on Nov 06, 7:17 p.m. because ''. -
Bravo!
Life comes in stages. These stages depend upon your willingness to except what is being revealed. That is the real trick. You have to have the proper foundation in self respect, the respect of others, the ability to love and forgive, an open mind, and a willingness to let go of old prejudices and beliefs. ~PeacE~GarY~ -
i like the pic....the poem is very good...i like it. hope ya win the contest.
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Amazing talent... A mind is a constant battle... This is a deep write, it provokes thought within one's self.... Love the picture, your title really captured me to click and read this... thank you for this enjoyable read!!! good luck in the contest!!!
Tracey -
Your words are so powerful. I love the last stanza. This was an amaising write. You are a very talented poet.
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Well you know i am going to have to say you have an amazing way with words you really do know how to visualise your story within your poems well done i loved it.
Timmy S. Edgar © 2006 -
Even better
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Here in every verse there is a kind of versitility bringing the depth of the poetic flavour and the contrast in handeling the different immagries with so many metaphoric hints simultaniously is the another achievement of this work here..indeed a beautiful entry is this..I really appreciate its worth..
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Well done! Expressive in the metaphors and the descriptive phrases, very stylish as well, good expression of the good and evil that resides in all despite our logical wishes to be only good. Best of luck.
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Love the poetry with that image, very nice, I'm wondering if the image is what inspired you. Very almost Poe feeling to this..dark and tasty. Good luck in the contest.
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W O W
WOW.... WOW, what a fabulous write! You really just kept me reading, I had to go back and slow down my eyes... I was pulled in so fast... I got lost and had to go find my way again. You really penned an incredible piece here! Captivating and mesmerizing me in the spin of words. Flow....outstanding! Rhyme....flawless and the message is great. We all struggle with good and evil...if someone says they don't they are liars. This was a creative expressive journey through your mind and it was quite a ride! Keep up the good work, this is Golden! Something shiney coming your way! I can't imagine what could beat this piece! Good luck in the contest, although I don't feel you need that.... keep 'em coming, your talent is a pleasure to read! The pleasure tonight.... again, mine.
~Tia
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Bravo!
Well done, and keep writing! Maybe I should take a few notes..the poem flows very smoothly -
Beautiful Cosmic Fabric:)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love your rhyming scheme to this as well,
yes it seems a war inside my head, though I would fix the spelling of rhyme. It was your only typo.
You have it as rime... Actual spelling is rhyme.
Nice job though! -
why Bunny! this was a fantastic piece!...i loved it! and everyone has the power to be both angel or devil...it's our choice which to be...peace and harmony....desi
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This is very wonderfully written my friend. I personally believe we create our own devils and angels. I think our souls are only here for a brief time in a never ending growing and maturing process. There are forces of evil here in the souls of some for sure. I have seen them many times. They can recognize you if you have a greater degree of goodness. They are drawn to you like a magnet, because they seek your force in order to progress forward over you and you must beware of them. There are also forces of what we define as good. They are your objective. To connect with them and grow. But, that is just me.....LOL Anyway, A great write my new friend. ~PeacE~GarY~
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Cupcrazy: this is exquisitely wrought to express internal torment. Wonderfully written.
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Since this is a mildly long poem that I'm very much looking forward to, I'm going to write this comment as I read so I don't forget to mention anything I liked, or I might be 'speechless' again.
Virginal white? I love it. Just in the first line! XD
Great rhyming, and not with just simple words, but words like sublime. Already in the second stanza you're setting up the thesis for your reader!
'Melting pot of internal rage'
Your words petrify me with their beauty!
I can't get past the gorgeous rhyming. . . it's so. . . WAAH! You know what I mean? :3
'Of good or evil, which will prevail', I love when authors set up the encroaching end with a hypothetical question. This is so deep, and something probably lingering in the back of your audience's mind. Very clever
Ooooh, and it ends with a repeat, like an echo in an empty hall. I adore your second to last stanza, it's so powerful and emotional, saying you'll give your eyes to see the truth (a sympathy felt by my poets, I think). This was amazing, I hope my comment suffices for such a beautiful poem!
Thank you for your time and talent
.billie. -
This is beautiful. Your structure, content, imagery all fit together very well in my perspective of things. Your lyrical form ending with "While inside nightingales do mournfully sing" adds an enforcement of having said it earlier. Your depth in this piece resonated with something in me. Mine was a state oblivious to perception. Your work here was complimentary to that state. Were I a part of this contest I would be posting a reply to this piece. Thank you for sharing this and may you do well in the contest. Rich.
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What an amazing piece of writing. the imagery portrayed with you unique wording was wonderful. This flowed so well and was a true pleasure to read. wonderful.
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Good
There is a dark spirituality that pervades this piece, yet it is compelling in many ways. It is well structured and the premise is well defined, but in the end it is the sense of inner turmoil and the desire to find truth in a paper-mache world that I find so compelling. Well done.
Edited on Oct 27, 1:18 p.m. because ''. -
Amazingly powerful words of wisdom. It's the one battle every being, fights constantly, wondering what will prevail with the hope that angels win over devils, but it's not an easy win, but sure is worth winning.
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Very beautiful, Bunnie both presentation and poem. Wonderful penning. All my best, your Shalott sister.
Belle
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WoW ~
I have no words to express except AWESOME N AMAZING work with so much vivid writings you have created my dear Cupcrazy !
Excellent Efforts put in a nutshell- Keep up the good work.
Congrats- subbu -
You are quite welcome.
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Superb/Fun/Intriguing/Unique
Fantastic, marvelous, wonderful, etc., etc., etc. I really like this a lot. Very well written with excellant imagery. It sounds as if you've gone on your own spiritual quest in your search for truth, I know I did, and I've never looked back. I was fortunate I found the spiritual teachings that are perfectly right for me. I hope your search was also successful. -
astounding amazing mind blowing !!!
WOW is not even close to describe this!! this is beyond amazing! beyond wonderful! the imagery the metaphores the everything!
"Sleep silent angels, like babes at breast
While devils seek to further their quest
With horns that break through silky wings
While inside nightingales do mournfully sing "
this is definitely one of the best poems i have ever read
marvelously dark and extremely well written
took me into a whole other world from which i ddt wana come back..
thank you for the amazing trip!
best of luck in the contest.. u truelly deserve the gold for this one..
wow!
~rana~ -
Superior
You've out done youself with this, Poe move over there is a new master poet in town, How wonderful this is. -
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe the lines you come up with.
this was great!
price -
Oh Bunny, this is rich and layered and presented the pain of the struggle so graphically, the angst of the war tearing soul fabric, and the acceptance of it's inevitability!
excellent!
xxoo
dk -
if i let anyone inside my head then they therefore would know me and the thing i do not want is anyone knowing me to much for i feel like a rat boxed in and i need to escape great write
keep doing well
love the papa -
Hi my friend super write, you have et the bar high in this comp and do not need luck, this is a very good write, you have my applause, all the best, hugs Di
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Outstanding
Wow Bunny you brought it together brilliantly. -
I admire the imagery and the literary elements in this piece. I, too, can relate. Don't ever stop writing for you have extraordinary talent. I must say that talent such as yours is hard to come by, so use it well.
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This was truley awsome! I would gladly give away my eyes
And see no more the endless skies. This line is my favorite. I am really intrigued by your writing. I hope to read more in the near future.
JOHN
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I was so happy to see that I'd interpreted the running metaphor correctly- you portrayed it so well.
Your implementation of device here is simply amazing, Bunny, far moreso than usual- I think this is the best imagery I have ever seen you create. And you've done so while maintaining the same wonderful rhyme that you always use, which makes the piece resound so. This is helped by the repetition of your first stanza at the finish of the poem, which give it a beautiful reflective effect.
Absolutely wonderful; a new favourite by you. -
I saw this was part of round 6's 'best poet on AP' contest so I thought you must be good. This poem is absolutely... there's no word for it. The imagery is fantastic, I love the way you describe devil's horns stabbing silken wings. I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
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This was very interesting. Good write. Good luck in this contest, in my opinion I think you'll do fine. God Bless!!
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You have created a masterpiece here! Filled with many varieties and forms why sticking to a rhyme scheme and using what was ask of you. That is a great challange.
Good luck and God bless.
Rose -
Bunny when I see what was required in this section of the contest I thank my lucky stars that I was not part of this one.Each piece that I have read so far makes me wonder at the talent on display here I have yet to read a piece that has left me disappointed Wonderful work Good luck in the contest
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Well I certainly think you've garnered a cup here.
This is a wonderful write. I just love the picture you've used here.
The rhyming was well done and more so for having had to use specific words from a word bank, that makes the task especially difficult.
Therefore hats off to you on a great job my friend.
Keep penning fellow scribe and thank you for sharing this with us.
Take care and be well.
Kind regards
Previn -
i think this is one really great poem. you have applied alot of effort into creating such a piece of work. the best kind of poetry is the one you apply your full effort into. that is called true poetry. i read that in one of my poetry books. great job
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dearest bunny,
you have done a truly fantastic job in weaving together this poem using the required words in a perfect way and telling us about the tormented mind, trapped in the pain of duality, in a really amazing way. I am certain that more than one reader will stop and reflect upon your message and scan their consciousness to compare with their own experience.
the imagery you have used in this masterful piece is of excellent quality, I congratulate you to such an outstanding job.
much love,
maa -
This is brilliant I love it
Bravo
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Wonderful picture Bunny, that combination of good and evil together, again teasing us and we, not knowing which is truth and which is evil which fits in so well with what you have expressed in this poem. Don't know where you found it but it fits your write perfectly
Gaylene
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FABULOUS
A most wonderful write Bunny. This is most amazing the way you you are able to use metaphors and rhyme all together. To me that's so very clever.I think you have described a lifetimes struggle that most of us go through. The evil is always teasing at us and it often takes such strength not to give in and maybe occassionally we all do, simply because the stuggle becomes so very hard. I think we would all like just one moment to see the truth! The way you repeated your 6th stanza at the end I felt was extremely effective.
The picture is amazing also!
Great work and best to you in this contest
Gaylene
Edited on Oct 24, 10:06 p.m. because 'spelling edit'.
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