I am secretly loud
In quiet places I am a lions roar
I am blond, pale, abstruse and shyly I am American
Because inside I am Egyptian
I am olive mauve and rich clay cream
Inside I construct castles to conquer
I sing
where no one can see
I am loud, secretly
Stranded in a landscape of bones
Leading my life by its hair
I am alive
Finding out about my insides
Breathing in answers like air
Coddled in sheltered silence, I scream
Nursing lifeless vocal cords,
I whisper potential into my bloodstream
So now, I am secretly loud
In quiet places, I am a lions roar
Author notes
Not my best piece, but its honest and heartfelt.
In a list
A contest entry
- strung out && b r o k e n more than an old cassette by PaintedParisPassion.
600 points, ended December 24, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
I had to come back and comment...this was well said. It's a really good piece when you delve behind the lines, and listen to the "roar". Good luck in this contest!
-
"In quiet places I am a lions roar" - this line, and the last line of your poem "lions" should either be "Lion's" or "lion's", I'd go with the former, myself.
Other than that: a nice poem that you have written here.
-
wonderful poem
awesomw poem, it is certainly one of your best, not one to be unproud of. beautiful
-
Very Good
I thought this was a very good piece. This is beautifully written. Great Job. -
Beautiful my friend! this write touched me more than most do!!! I love your title and the background is very pretty. GBY
-
This is an amazing piece!! I love the background...it fits into the poem perfectly, so the poem felt somehow real! And the flow was wonderful, the imagery was awesome and the choice of words made the whole piece somehow majestic and royal!
I loved reading this...it is amazing!! Beautifully written...you have an amazing talent at writing poetry! Also, thank you very much for commenting on my poem!
Love,
Poetes99 -
This is such a powerful piece! So very full of confidence and grace. This is so very well written - and truly poignant! Best wishes!
-
"I whisper potential into my bloodstream"
I LOVE this line. I just love it. The whole poem is really great though. There's nothing wrong with writing a little honesty. SOmetimes it will create poems, like this one that are so good they are a surprise even to you. Loved it. --->pixxie<--- -
I thought this was great! I liked this peek into what you really are. I am secretly loud too. Sometimes it's not much a secret. Othertimes it is. You wrote this very well.
Have a dreamy day,
~*PointLessOne*~ -
Awexome
Nice write, great word choice and imagery, flowed together very well. -
this is really good the ending really wrapped it up! Great job! I can see this cute little shy kid at school... but when alone... taking advantage of the quiet. And just screaming... and while breating in... taking in the answers! This was gorgeous! Great write!
~ Princess Padge
-
The best pieces come from being honest and heartfelt. its a fantastic write coming along with a fantastic background to boot.
Great imagery and the meaning well sound.
Always enjoyed reading your works, this makes it no different.
Cheers,
Khalid -
wonderful
I actually love this write.. You did a great job expressing your thoughts and feelings in this piece.. You certainly have my applaude..
Take care
Dusty
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
