How would you feel if you found me
On the floor, fading (with my wrists bleeding);
With a bullet in my skull (my life's receding);
Finally giving in to the release that I've been needing;
My heart's getting heavy from your non-believing.
How would you feel if you found me
With my brains splattered on the wall (I'm not fine);
Or floating lifelessly in the river (would you want to rewind?)
Read my suicide note--I've run out of time;
Find a gun in my hand, but it's not mine.
How would you feel if you found me
With my chest caving in (my pain will not mend);
My vision is getting blurry (everything blends);
Deny what you saw--would you pretend?
I won't regret this; I'll do what I intend.
How would you feel if you found me
Dead and cold, (laying in my grave);
My eyes closed shut (I was too late to save);
Suffocating in sorrow, in my blood I lay;
Don't feel TOO responsible, it was my fate.
Author notes
corrupt my soul
A contest entry
- suicide poems that don't suck by aeolia.
380 points, ended January 1, 2008, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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you know what, people who feel suicidal actually feel this way- but the sad part is it HAS become cliche to those around them, and no one cares. It's a very sad poem you have written here, and tragic that is actually percieved as cliche by most people, cause to the person feeling it, it is not at all.
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Actually for a dark write, this is one of the better ones I've liked. So many people try to write dark, and ... I don't know its sad... but... morbid, not really "Dark" ~ This is more of a classier Dark write. I personally liked it... I did see you brought the cliche' to the table in the write, which makes it stand out even more.. its original all at the same time. ~~~ Personally I really loved the way you wrote this... its beyond words good!
I wish you the best of luck in the contest, I am merely the host not the judge... Thanks for entering. -
I really like this! The rhymeing was perfect and the flow was great! I like all the questions and answers in this, it adds to the effect!
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WOW!! THIS IS AMAZIN
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Deny what you saw--would you pretend?
I won't regret this; I'll do what I intend.
A good peice
I wouldn't disqualify this peice
I only do that if you didnt follow the rules
or gave me some happy poem
You've penned this nicely
I've found some breaks in the flow
but thats alright
thank you for entering
NeveR ♥ -
Oh my fucking God!
I love the feeling in your poem. I am absolutely gushing over it! AWESOME! -
Nice write. You've conveyed your feelings very nicely. The repition of, ""how would you feel if you found me" makes your piece much stronger. I also liked how you put your thoughts into brackets. I'm not so sure that "lay", and "fate" really rhyme.. but I wouldn't recommend that you change it, because it's a great piece the way it is. Powerful.
Great poem, keep writing. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.
~Manic
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the way youve written this is great. the little afterthoughts, almost like echos of the soul in the brackets is beautiful. wonderful work im gunna have a look at your other works i bet theyre just as amazing as this one.
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Cool
Hey i thought that was awsome im thinking of entering too i really like yours it kept my attention so i guess im just saying good job and good lick -
No way would I DQ this...this is amazing...The power is just...that's it- it's just. I love how you put a few lines in ()'s to add the separate little add ons. Great job!! Thank you and good luck!
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WOAH! This is fucking awesome!! Excuse my language! But bloody hell! You have written this so well! I love the way you have written this! GREAT job!! Thankyou for entering! Goodluck!
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This is a really good poem. I like the things you write about...they are the same things on my mind...I like it a lot.
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Wow, this is such a heart-breaking poem. I feel bad for anyone who has these kinds of problems, and anyone who is related to those people. It's a great poem, with a lot of feeling. Well done.
<3 Ais
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I liked the push behind this write. How you ask questions but throw out the occasional statement also, very crafty. I especially liked how you capitalized the word TOO to bring out that emotion one would se when saying the word in this situation. Another great job.
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Thanks for your comment! I really liked your poem too; I actually had read it already before you commented me. =] It's really good<3
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Nice job!
Great read. Can't wait til we get the results! -
Great job my fellow dark writer... I loved every line of it...the message it sent and everything...there's nothing bad to say about it...Good luck in the contest!!
~^&Sara&^~ -
wow this is a lot like my poem i wrote..i was reading it and i was like whoa! but great write i like it
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