So I told myself
Screamed
inside
that I should
at last
articulate
the pain
and yet....
they made me drink
charcoal
they made me
try
to redress
to understand
the mess
my head
my body
my
heart was
in
but they never asked
me
to articulate
the pain
and yet..
i must
so at last
I will
try
but the pain
is beyond words
beyond feeling
beyond reason
beyond me
which is why
the result of this
inarticulation
is the end.
Author notes
Written October 22nd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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this is a reslly good poem, you are a really good poet, i would give toy ten if i could but i aint got but one sorry
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Honestly I cannot stand anorexics or bulimics. They are either incredibly stupid or unforgivable superficial for doing that to themselves. But to be honest this write reminded me of the point of view of a child in the religion Jehovah's Whitenesses. I'm not sure why, but I have been around many of them and that's what I was reminded of. Well good write.
Amnada -
In our world of anerexia and slim nothings that choke on others
Defining cheezy ways, Sophistication and honesty is thrown out the window for the natural look of the britney spears of tomorrwo and the madonas of yesterday, leaving obsession and fact to face a ritiaul all their own, while the rest of the average joes do what they do best to get through each day and thats re define society through a naked eye of science ...
Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your work
And I hope this comment fits your work.. -
Great poem!...The only thing is, end is not always the best answer..new hope is much better. Artistically speaking, you did a great job! please check out my poem:
allpoetry.com/poem/2307348. Tnx!
Edited on Oct 31, 1:27 because ''. -
I love the form of this poem. It's quite unique and flows well, which is unusual in poems lacking punctuation. Well done on achieving the close to impossible. =]
Moon Bless. -
Thing is - was in hospital and they really did make me drink charcaol - and I thought it was ironic as charcoal is used to produce some beautiful art and burn some not so beautiful things.
thanks for the comment though - much appreciated -
a good piece of poetry, though it is in need of some editing i feel, where you are using the ellipses, the right way is three dots ... - spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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I can see this as a song. I like what it says here.
You expressed yourself well. Great work! -
awesome
I agree very good job capturing the pain and lonliness with minimal wording. It was almost as if the poem fit into the poem interesting and good use of less is more. -
serene
God bless you poet! If you let go and let God, you are on a roll Yeah the charcoal thing, i would have use another word Love and Blessings xx
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This is good. I read it twice because the charcoal thing threw me for a minute. The words portray the confusion and
pain you are experienceing. Very good job on this. -
I liked this, I think you do have the power to fix things. I don't believe that God just sits around waiting for someone to fix...but that strays from your poem. I liked it choppy. It read well. I think it was very good.
Have a dreamy day
~*PointLessOne*~ -
great poem
great poem. whether people want to admit it or not, everyone goes through a version of this. Some people go through it worse than others... that would be those that go to see people to try and help them sort it out. yet for some ... those people dont help. and in the end... you get your last stanza. great way to articulate the problems that some people have -
Certainly a well written plea for help but sad to read it ends in despare. However, on the whole this is well done.
But, awe, really, not the end. Did you think that someone else even yourself had or has the power to articulate what only God has the power to do?
Let your Maker/God fix you. After all He put you into existence in the first place. Yes, Big Daddy, true Father knows how to fix everything. Then and only then will your arteries flow with new confidence, wisdom, interior peace and love; the food of the heart for all eternity. No, don't say the end. Cry out to God for help. And He will, I know, I did when I was 12 years old. Though it wasn't a tranfusion for my heart which He performed it was better yet, a whole new and beautiful transformation. Try Him. You'll love Him.
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hm. this is an interesting poem. i like it. the form is pretty different from what ive seen, but i still like it. i dont really know why though. but its good. its pretty damn good. i like the wording too. its a good poem.
great write,
keep it up.
---perplexed--- -
the short choppy verses made it perfect, well done and the idea behind it is emotional yet powerful. again well done and congrats on such an awesome piece.
much respect and fair winds,
Sethresa
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