There is a school filled with lies
In which there is a facade of happiness
Proof that ignorance can be bliss
For then you don't have to feel
There is a home filled with insecurity
Where true feelings are hidden
Unless they are dripping in anger or disappointment
Trust is a rare gift
There is a room filled with dreams
It is a haven for the sufferer
Plans for the future bring hope
Reality brings them crashing down
There is a person filled with innocence
Who's soul is tired with what it's seen and heard
A mind that despairs at the world's present state
A heart that refuses to surrender
Author notes
Written October 21st, 2006
A contest entry
- You are a Rock by Tercil.
400 points, ended November 11, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Not fond of the title at all- The poem is decent, but lacking structure and flow. Plus you used many generic phrases, and you do not seem to show much originality at all.
I think this could be much better if revised...
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
please put the option chosen in authors notes or i will have to DQ you
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You have deservedly credited yourself much respect from me. As you have made time to conduct a specimen piece of diction worthy of comment. That last line, gives it to us, in that what mentally wasn't accepted, the heart took the rest. Very good write indeed!!
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Woah, you pretty much summed it up, lol! This does remind me of how most teenagers are, and it really does speak the truth. Good job, becaue I've often tried to describe exactly what most teens go through, and I don't get nearly as close as summing it up than this. Keep up the good work!
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