I’m looking at your image sent
Through a fog of beauty and grace
Wishing the possessor
Of such maddening treasure
Were here with me in this place
I stare and drink you longingly in
Recycling you in my mind
But no matter how long
I cravingly look
I might as well be blind
So quietly I hang by an invisible edge
Straining my heart your way
To stare again
At my desire’s object
And prepare for another replay
Author notes
The thoughts of a soldier staring at his wife's picture.
Written October 21st, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
This is lovely. I was amazed at how accurate you were with portraying the scene of a soldier and his wife's photo, but more importantly, as I was reading this, that's what I thought of--before I read your author notes. When a poet can instill that image in the reader's head only a few lines into the piece, now that's REALLY good. Your imagery is beautiful, and your word choice fits well. One thing that I thought made parts sound weak though was the using of "ly" in places where it really could do without, although you'd have to change the phrasing a little. Like
"I cravingly look" sounds weak to me, and
"I stare and drink you longingly in" as well.
They almost sound passive in a way, and they hamper the ability to give those phrases full effect. But that's just a thought.
Overall, I'd give you a 10 out of 10. I enjoyed reading, and your talents shines through clearly. Thanks for sharing!
-
Read this again ...
and loved it again.
How are you, Poet? Thank you for the comment you left on my Dance poem. Please POST that inspired poemy, now. It is so beautiful.
Love
Myra
-
The imagery here is well defined and cohesive. You have painted the scene well with your words. Such sad and lonely thoughts flow across the page here. It's been a while since I have had much time to spend reading my favorites again. I'm glad I took the time to stop by. I have always enjoyed your work and admire the way you transform words into images. Very nicely done.
♥ Touchof1der
-
Intense
In much the same way as your poem weaves masculine and feminine rhymes into a whole, the masculine and feminine of a couple themselves into a whole. So, during separation
... (he) hang(s) by an invisible edge
Straining (his) heart (her) way ...
I loved the sentiments of this write, my friend. Well expressed and real.
Love
Myra -
Yes, the whole situation breaks my heart.
-
This is beautiful Rambler. I was watching the news this morning and things just continue with no real change don't they? I know there are many soldiers staring at those pictures and having these same thoughts. It's nice to see some poetry from you.
~Lyrical
-
This was a lovely poem which I liked a lot Keep writing, this was beautiful
All the best
Pozo
-
OH MY GOODNESS! This was absolutely sad and beautiful all at the same time. I'm just speechless. Welldone!
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
