Amida’s statue
under virgin plum blossom
calm in half-shadow
leaves so top-heavy
against their spring achievement
equilibrium
sudden gong giving
one syllable of koan
chaleur of sunlight
apple-sagging branch
swaying to its own music
cut short in fruit-fall
alive in cold stone
with brush-strokes of black branches
sudden wakefulness
Author notes
"Some rules of haiku" allpoetry.com/poem/2292955
This is what I call a "haiku set" or "haiku string". Essentially, the haiku are separate, but occurred to me within a short, discrete space of time, and on a common theme. The set can be read as a whole, or each haiku individually. The trick is to read them with "no thought".
Written October 21st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Poems With An Asian Theme by Mercury Rising.
600 points, ended August 2, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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peaceful and majestic
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Thank you, mon âmie.
I was still reaching for the aim of a haiku here. This set, and its constituents are far from perfect.
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This haiku chain/string reminds one how haiku should be written. Your images are both austere and sensuous and seem to achieve a delicate balance of opposites with a fine skill. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this wonderful piece.
David
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Yes that is Buddha, known sometimes as Amida in Japanese. The oxymoronic use of a word, phrase, or even a contrdiction of actions is known in zen as a koan. Thank you very much for your appreciation.
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Amazing. This collection gives a sense of oneness with nature. Very zen. I also must applaud you on the, correct me if I'm worng, picture of the statue of Buddha. It really sets the stage for something different. Something crisp, yet tangy. So many oxymorons used so well in this, "Alive in cold stone" was my personal favorite.
This flowed very nicely, and that's saying something, because most Haiku collections each tell a different story. You showed us how easily you could string them together.
So yeah, I liked it. =) -
I haven't written any for a long time. Thanks for the visit, sunshine - glad you liked them.
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This is wonderful! I am not much on haiku's but this is great!!!!!!! Love it. Hope to see more over time.
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Thank you, grannyeri.
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Nice continuation of these poems, flows well and is easy to read and understand. Well written, wonderful images conveyed through your words.
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And do you know what? - it doesn't look half as good lined up like that.
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Thank you Sonja. It is the way that I often tackle haiku. More than one thought or impression will come to me, either over time (as with this set), or whilst sitting in one spot for a few hours, or instantly.
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W RITE ONN
Amida’s statue
under virgin plum blossom
calm in half-shadow
leaves so top-heavy
against their spring achievement
equilibrium
sudden gong giving
one syllable of koan
chaleur of sunlight
apple-sagging branch
swaying to its own music
cut short in fruit-fall
alive in cold stone
with brush-strokes of black branches
sudden wakefulness
Very nice flow and purpose...
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Simply - perfect. It was great idea to write it this way, like haiku chain. Good caught tpictures and feelings. Well, that's Mairi...
~Sonja~ -
suthrnbell84, that is exactly what I wanted.
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Thank you crystyl.
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Shukrun. (forgive the reply in Arabic)
Edited on Oct 21, 10:04 because ''. -
"alive in cold stone
with brush-strokes of black branches
sudden wakefulness"
wonderful -
You did a nice job linking these poems together. Desriptive and well written. It made me feel peaceful.
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I really like it! The image really set the tone and the haikus took over the rest! Bravo!
Crystylheart
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Kari, thank you very much for your praise.
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Thanks Di.
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I felt led away from using the verb "sway" twice in the same string, and used "so" as a sumperlative. #5 is a winter scene, and the use of "cold" is deliberate, as being an extreme state from which to awaken. There is no shade, because there are no leaves, and no sun to shelter from, but there is the potential for the wakening of satori. Thank you for your appreciation.
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deep
This is a wonderful write! You've done wonderful and the format in and of itself is really unique. Thanks for sharing
Kari -
Hi, a very lovely write, and super pic to go with it, this was really a great pleasure to read, you have my applause, all the best, hugs Di
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Excellent
I did so enjoy this haiku string. The outline of haiku 1# was beautiful, haiku2# I would have liked to see another word ( so) becoming possibly "sway" but it is your haiku Haiku3# I found impressive, in it's ability to mentally paint a picture ...haiku4# amused me with its "fruit-fall" clever play on words and haiku 5# I loved the image but dislike the word "cold" as it made the statue seem unapproachable, maybe "cool" as in shaded area ? Delightful collection of haiku and a pleasure to read
Edited on Oct 21, 9:42 because 'error'. -
Thanks moonshine . I had a sudden mental image of the gong reflecting sunlight, almost being the sun itself.
Smoosh!
M -
Very nice set of haiku, some are very thought provoking. I liked this one the best:
sudden gong giving
one syllable of koan
chaleur of sunlight
You have added a calming graphic to complete your haiku, I like them very much!
Smooshes,
Moonshine Pixie -
Thank you. I wish I could provoke something beyond thought.
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this is a very thought provoking piece. Nice and the pictures work well with the text. Keep writing. Best of luck to you.
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...and it would not say what I want to say, but thank you.
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I'll take "cool"!
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Enjoyed all you lovely picture discritptions here. I agree with Hatstand on dropping the 'so'. I beleive more powerful without. Well done. Thanks for sharing.
~Mary O -
"so" I was waiting for a one-syllable superlative to come to me, and that was it; the important thing to me in that moment was the top-heaviness. Thanks for the applause.
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Nice! It's not easy to write an effective 'ku, more so when you're linking 5 of them together! And 'equilibrium' has to get bonus points; I've only ever seen one other haiku with a pentasyllabic word before. Minor nitpick - 'leaves so top-heavy'...if you got rid of 'so' it would free up a place in which to describe the leaves (you can never have too much imagery in the Japanese forms). Have you ever tried writing a renga?
I've gotta give this applause :-) -
Thank you, Previn. A "koan" is an apparently contradictory saying or lesson in zen buddhism. "chaleur" is a loan-word from French, which can mean physical heat but also emotional passion. I am glad you found these verses stimulating.
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I know... It royally p1ss3s me off, Melodies, the way that this is the one form of poetry that people just will agrue about! Why? Why do people spend so much intellect on a form which is suppose to take us out of the intellectual and give us one blessed moment of satori!!! I don't know the answer, but I think I just saw my friend's buddha statue get up and go down to the local pub for a beer.
Ok the last line: Let me try to explain without explaining (That's another thing, sweetheart, why do people want zen explained ?) A good idea would be if I quoted from a different strand of buddhism. This is a mantra from the "Heart Sutra":
Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi swaha
Translation is difficult, but try: "Gone, gone, beyond gone, so far beyond gone, oh what an awakening!"
In the last haiku we see the same stone statue, the limbs of the fruit tree in their winter nakedness; yet behind the winter inertia is the possibility of spring, and in the serenity of stone may lie the key to the awakening of Nirvana.
Or perhaps the answer lies down at the pub
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Very well done indeed. I love some of the words you used, never encountered those words before,
"koan"
"chaleur"
Very interesting and good imagination.
Thanks for sharing this.
Take care and be well.
Kind regards
Previn
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Lovely!
SHREEEEK! Squeals of delight! Haiku! Lovely and well put, my poet friend! Haiku is the hardest thing to write! If you put one in a haiku contest, you get multiple and many comments with ideas for how to improve it. There are endless ways to change three lines and the message with it! Your last haiku in this string of poems... explain? Is it a fruit tree blooming or a vampire arising? hehe
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