Morning rays creeping in
Waking up from last night's sin
Gently rising, not to disturb
Holding on to every word
Gracious woman full of wonder
I dare not breech your slumber
Watching tentatively, your perfect form
Eyes gazing, can never be torn
Blond hair, blue eyes
Heart jeering, joyful sighs
Rosy cheeks, button nose
Long legs, evaporating woes
I crawled back into bed just so we could touch
Holding back is just too much
Gentle caressing, passion true
Finally awaken, knowing all I need is you
Author notes
This poem takes place the morning after a night of love making has taken place. When the sun is just rising, illuminating the charaters' lover.
I tried the rhyming on this. Its not my usual style, but I hope you like it.
Written October 19th, 2006
A contest entry
- Return my Muse by Hersheys Kisses.
700 points, ended December 20, 2007, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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romantic indeed
hmm you capture the essence of the moment well. "evaporating woes' how creative. I love it!
Thanks for entering my contest. -
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Thanks so much for your comment.
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hmm,i loved it.this was a wonderful piece on a loved one.i am very happy to have this piece in my contest and i just wanna wish you the best of luck
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Thanks so much for your comment trisdihdzere.
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Well, that was awesome. I love what you wrote. Loved it. very sensual and oh so sexy. I very much enjoyed this.
--Rianna -
Wonderful detail!
I like the overall feel of this piece, Travis. It rhymes well and I think that goes with love poems I feel you have captured something here that many lovers try to do: Get out of bed without waking their partner. Chivalry is not dead here! (Notice I said lovers and not 'old married folk' ;D )
I think the imagery is well done, too. The description of the lady is vivid and detailed without being too much so. Sensual not erotic.
I also like the second line in the first stanza a lot:
"Waking up from last night's sin"
Obviously, these people aren't really supposed to be waking up to each other in the first place! Maybe married...but, not to each other. At any rate, There is a little pang of guilt hidden here that is refreshing.
Well done!
~Corvidae
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wonderfully done!
this is wonderful and a adorable read. i can understand it very well..in ways im jealous of whoever u wrote this for lol jk jk...anyhoo great write..beautiful poem! -
Thanks so much for your comment and applause.
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I liked this alot. lol its great! i like the moral and the wording. this was a great write. keep writing man! hey you should check out my new song i just wrote dedicated to anniversaries. its called Another Anniversary, i just posted it on shamless promotion a couple minutes ago. id appretiate if u left me a comment, i love to hear critiques on my work, good or bad. thanks, keep up the good work!
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Thank you for your wonderful comment!
Edited on Oct 27, 2:31 because ''. -
Oh this was wonderful. Very good. Muy bien. It was well written and the flow and rhyme was GREAT. Bien Trabajo! Great work. I hope that you will progress to the end of this series. You're such a great writer.
Love,
marisa
*Elimination panel -
Thanks for your comment.
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Sweet and sexy
Sweet, simple and sexy - there is nothing like waking up from a wonderful night and wanting to start it all over again ... lol ... good job - DJ -
Nice rhythm, rhythm and flow with this lovely poem.
Jim -
Ah, thank you so much.
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awww~ wow nice nice flow~~
nicely writen. -
Thanks for your comment and applause!
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This is really lovely. The flow is good, and my favorite line was the second. Very loving and passionate. Glad you made it in.
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This is so beautiful I hope you do well in the contest. you captured the very essence of the morning after with the one that you love. Best of luck keep up the good work!!
Leandra -
i loved it ..it was very good..good luck in the contest ... smiles ~cheeky~
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Thank you for your comment.
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Great poem
good poem I liked it,thank you for sharing!Lisa K Haslett Raytown Missouri!
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