Order now from menu we
yes, yes
something fresh we seek
small and tender
we must have
in the rain
the maidens play
in suits of wet chocolate like catwoman
the whore
teeth white as rastus minstrels
or sunday underoos
when booze sets Mona free again
from under the loud patio umbrella
we watch the tires spritz and spray
mona flips a shrimp with her fork
sips beer from a slender glass
and I ash my cigarette
casual as criminals
through Cain goggles
through dragon eyes
watch the maidens bulge at every seam
see them bounce and play
and laugh under the hiss
of slow-motion rainmist
Author notes
Written October 18th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Just sitting there waiting for the rainmist to melt the chocolate...
A fun read... -
That's wonderful, I thought the first part may have been written by Yoda, but that really is great
she sips beer from a slender glass and I ash my cigarette
laugh under the hiss of slow-motion rainmist
Every person who aspires to write should read this
good work
David
-
Impassionate, prosaic with killer subtext.
Under the Roofs of Paris are we and so beat. Twas a good book a sad time a racy time. Live long and prosper--read my A Mirror of Respectability instead of white trash poetry I wrote for contest. Ah, Homer where are you. -
Yoda IS a sick filthy bastard. I was in that band, you know. The Bloody Loads
-
I wish I could type, or think .. or one of the two not neccessarily in that order..
-
well.. just to start because it happened as I read.. the line regarding the shrimp reminded me of a person I knew who would go to a fine steak house, order up a few beers then take off her shoes and put her feet on the table and called the waitress "hey graceful" every time she dropped a glass.. on her or some other customer...
yes then.. moving on..
I love the normalness of this, which of course is the baseline which suddenly makes that mythical place sound like home..
Cain goggles.. Micheal Cain ( however his name is spelled) ..and don't ask me why, just this image of him in aerospace goggles saying here have a drink it's all perfectly fine chap..
as well as that other Abel Cain
okay...right then..
love it.
Edited on Oct 20, 5:54 p.m. because ''. -
A very intriguing write, I understood it in my own twisted way, which doesn't mean I understand a thing..lol. The title was the hint I needed though..lol.
The imagery here was sharp, even if some of the meaning was unclear, and the line breaks worked really well here. I don't know if I would call this sexy, but there's definitely something sensually delightful about this. Great read, thanks!
-
in suits of wet chocolate like catwoman
chops up the rhythm.
from under the loud patio umbrella don't need patio.
Title: "The Rainslick Poem"
Rainslick & rainmist too close together.
Smithing about with words I see.
First verse Great.
Edited on Oct 19, 5:00 p.m. because ''. -
I'm happy
I understand it perfectly. And life in poem world has a certain comfortable unbalance again. Mr. Moustache made a poem. A Mona poem with bulging rain seams. And tire hiss. And chocolate covered maidens. I want a golden ticket to get there.
Don't change a thing -- because its Beat and your are not supposed too. Those are The Rules as Per Nam. I read them once. However, I might like it to read this way:
see them through dragon eyes
bounce and play
laugh under the snakehiss of raintires
slow-motion-red in the rainmist
But that is just me wishing I could write like you. You beautiful thing you. (c) plinky
Write more.
-
Amusing, Confusing, Fun
I liked this poem. I was initially drawn to its
uneven form. And I found it intriguing on account
of the fact that I couldn't understand it. Usually
I would find that irritating. A hankering for
incomprehensible poetry I find pretentious! And,
yet here I am seeking it.
I persevered with it though, I believe, because
the first stanza's style reminded me of Tolkien's
Gollum! "Small and tender we must have."
"Must have the Precious. Must have."
And, after that, the discordant juxtaposition
of catwoman with chocolate whores and heaven
knows what else, kept me both reading and
musing.
I must conclude, that even now, when I've read
the poem several times, which for me is something
of a rarity, I still can't understand it. But I
like it, nonetheless.
Pat -
Psychodelic..or merely psychotic...I haven't yet decided, but decide we shall.
This is the low side of normal -- where we lean causually upon the railing near the embankment of the Seine...watching the Parisian lights flutter like burning moths..and know Change is in the wind.
4 tacos and an eggroll. Odd, but welcome.
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
9 old applause
