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"The darkness!" (revised for a contest about a black hole)

The darkness enfolds me..

though it is not night..


Everywhere I look I see blackness..

something's not right...


Though nothing has happened..

I feel oh so sad...


Could it be that my family's right...

Could it be I am very educated...

but still quite mad...


They call me a loner...

They say I am strange...


When I was younger it worried me more...

many times I've wished

my family's love for me was true and sure...

 

I look all around unending darkness i see..

has the world ended and someone forgot to tell me??

 

Little by little, I start not to fear..

the darkness i love..

things seem Fairly nice here...

 

i dared to move....

yes, I took a step... 

there is no apparent width here...

nor apparent depth....

 

all at once thoughts in my mind start to unfold...

I'm no longer on ground..

I'm in a proverbial black hole.....

 

This is not a bad thing for me..

I love being alone...

I love solitary....

 

I think I'll stay....

the unending darkness accepts me as I am

and provides comfort no other could perceive! 

This place seems as if it were made just for me.... 

 

 

Author notes

Written October 17th, 2006
revised 12/15/07 for a contest about a "black hole"

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Comments


  • aslanlight
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is strangely compelling; I say strange because I enjoy positive writes and this seems to dwell on the negative but I've been in the place you write of and it is weirdly comforting; though I'm glad to be out of there. A few suggestions: use a thessaurus; you could stretch your vocabulary; use 'solitude' as oppose to 'solitary'; I was told in English at school to never use the word 'nice' and now I understand why, you could think of a more descriptive word. Yet these things are minor and I like where you're coming from.

    Peace Georgia


    • jacbgd2 gold member
      January 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comments and suggestions.
      You are right about the word "nice". I think comforting would be a better word to use here, but "solitary" is a card game I love to play, "solitude" would not work. I wrote this poem to express some deep feelings in the beginning. I do not believe in using a thessaurus to write these type of poem. I prefer to simply allow your feelings to flow from your heart. I use the thessaurus a lot for some other type poems... Thanks for having this contest. It's always fun to enter....
      Joyce


  • MassMan
    December 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    An interesting take

    I like your approach to the subject and the positive spin you put on even a black hole!
    I applaud your efforts here!
    David


  • Envelope
    October 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i know how you feel, despite how trivial that sounds, no matter how dark it seems, theres always a light, whether you know it or not, cliche as that may be, dont give in.