Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Water-bringer



quivers top teasing
  crests
curled fingers
    beckon

  come to me,
     come

    I ride,
  Great Storm

     coax your thrashes
seared in crash
       of lightning
                  split

   great gashes
    gapes of
         breath, need
      and
        clench
       your
   angry fist


   come to me

   come to me

 Rise and
   fall
breakwall of
          sea to sky
   rain to wind
      tidal climb
Thunder
    blind and
     gasp

   grasping
 fingers cry,

  Come to me

 (come for me)


           one more time



Author notes

Please take time to actually read this poem.


IT'S NOT ABOUT A FUCKING BOAT.
Written October 17th, 2006

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Robin Candor
    November 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I genuinelly enjoyed reading your piece here. I never thought it was about a ship. It has two sides to me, the physical and the spiritual. The wrestling of both worlds dawned upon my mind as I tried to garner the feel of it. Once again, thanks for stopping by and reading my piece even though it was not suiting to your pallet. RC

  • Saraphira
    October 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I love you.


  • Desiree Darkk
    October 19, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    No. It's not.

    • Saraphira
      June 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Oh man, I slacked and never replied.

      I love you, also.


  • mjseattle silver member
    October 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Highly original

    This piece has been bugging me all day. OK, so it's not about a boat. It's about love. And It's personal. If that's the case, what kind of love? sexual? The "come to me/(come for me)/one more time" lines sound pretty erotic to me. Am I wrong? Is this about two people fucking? I'm dying to know. Other than that, I think the language is beautiful. I think this piece is highly original, almost like you're trying to invent a new poetic language. I've seen other poets do it.


  • RealEyezRealize
    October 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    AHHH a hoy mate, a perfect storm, some of us love them some of us sleep through them, I myself want them, I wake up better to thunder then i do the sunshine, a gloomy day is a great day...........WRITE ON ROCK ON READ ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Vera Rich gold member
    October 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is an interesting - albeit enigmatic piece. However, I do not understand how the title "Waterbringer" applies to it.

    Moreover, it would surely be preferable, if the poem is about a ship, to make this clear in the words of the poem itself - rather than having to put pictures into the background.


  • mjseattle silver member
    October 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    come to me...(ghostly)

    Well, you sure get the feel of the stormy, choppy sea. But there is more here. The drama spills in this piece. I've read it several times. It's eerie! Perfect? I dunno. Sure is wonderful though. I mean really thanks for sharing. "come to me, come to me" sends shivers up my spine. Very, very nice.

1 - 8 of 8