On broken wings the hours have flown
recording lonely days I've known
and restless nights I slept alone
Five -Ten-Fifteen-Twenty
Each day beside this windows frame
I've silently called out your name
another day,you never came
Twenty Five- Thirty
I did expect as your consort
that I would have your full support
instead you spend your time at court
Thirty Five - Forty
It’s not my style to complain
and usually I can contain
the sense of loneliness and pain
Forty Five- Fifty
Yet it grieves me I confess
that you could cause me such distress
with what appears such selfishness
Fifty Five - Sixty
My lord why do you treat me thus
its something that we must discuss
or what is to become of us
Sixty Five - Seventy
It never dreampt that there would be
a time I’d crave your company
but sire your child grows in me
Seventy Five -Eighty
Yet here I dwell within this tower
doomed to while away each hour
a symbol of your awesome power
Eighty Five - Ninety
The only soul to whom I speak
is Meg the maid just once a week
the day that we play Hide and Seek
Ninety Five - One hundred
"Coming Ready or Not"
..
Author notes
Written October 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- ~Inspire me~ by nickkiwick.
400 points, ended October 25, 2006, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre Written Rhyme by piccola.
900 points, ended February 5, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I just have one minor complaint: In the Stanza that begins Sixty Five-Seventy, I think you may mean I never dreamed or dreampt .. not sure. other than that I think this is brilliant. I'd like to try this form it looks like fun. Thank you for sharing and entering.
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Thank you so much for your comments and for pointing out the typo I always manage at lease one per poem. With out such help as your i would be lost I appreciate it thank you
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okay I am lost for words, you gave that lady a voice, a character, a life. You rock.
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Bravo! standing in applause
Now I loved this piece to bits. How utterly different! I loved the way you build up that "NEED TO SEE" with the count. So unique and so refreshing. Wish I had 100 applauds for you on this one. VERY VERY Creative. Just goes to show how talented you are. Thank you for the smile this morning. ~Pam
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This is a very unique presentation Legend. So, describing and rhyme is also awesome. I liked the tick-tock u included between each verse
Very well written. Keep writing..
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Haha!This was well written again and the ending was great.The monorhymes even though a bit farfetched at places flowed brilliantly and you thought the poem out well before penning it.Good luck in the contest.Hope you can make that start of the seventh row of trophies with this
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This is so cleverly done and a perfect write for the picture. I can see children reciting this in their games in years to come. The poem itself has a lovely rhyme with humour and sadness well blended; sweet melancholy.
Good luck in the contest -
Thank you Rory I have to throw in the counting to get the reader ready for the finish other wise it would have made little sense to my eyes to finish off with hide and seek Thank you for your comments
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Thank you Anna I could not resist throwing in a humouristic bit at the end I did consider going the full hog with the serious side but then though no make it a little more interesting This i hope i did Only the reader will know that Thank you
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a very interesting piece, love the flow and rhyme and neat little twist you add with the counting...alluding to but not completely giving away the ending. Very well done!
Rory -
Splendid again. What can I say? I think you did a wonderful job to make a serious poem and have some humour in it as well of a different order. My compliments for your imagination anc accomplishment. Very well done. Anna.
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Ohhh..my how I know this feeling of loneliness and its
aftermath. You have done such a great job in bringing out
a woman's feeling of despair..Let me give you a standing ovation! Good luck in the contest..take care. -
W RITE ONN
Great write legend. The inspirational take on the pic fits well in the theme of your write. -
Thank you so much Elora I am so pleased that you found this piece entertaining Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment
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I know they don't want me.Thank you Jim for taking time to read and comment my friend Appreciated
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Thank you nickkiwick for posting such wonderful images .And for giving me the inspiration for this piece As to the Ready or not bit at the end. My intention for the whole piece was that the lady/maid behind the curtain was in hiding, while the one by the window was counting to give her time to find a place to hide.As she was doing so the thoughts where what were going through her mind. Hide and seek was a game we played as kids .And i just wanted to throw a little kick in the tail of this piece, rather than being obvious as to the outcome . A little humour if you like.
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Legend ~ Another masterpiece my friend. Wonderful pace and a story that made me want to get to the end to see what happens! Enjoyed it immensely. Thank you for sharing.
~Elora~ -
And you thought maybe they did not want me! Really think she but did wait too long in this funny write.
Jim -
This is very creative and original almost like your telling a story. I liked this very much! Good storyline. I like how you make a maiden in waiting for her knight and shining armour, but he never shows. In the ending when you say 'ready or not here I come' does that mean she is ready to have her baby or is she going to seek him out? Very nice work!!!
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Thank you Athena for taking time to read and comment It is nice to get feed back from other poets They give you an idea if your work is heading in the right direction Thank you
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Shame on you WD I have removed the comment now to stop others realizing the ending.I just had to slip that last triplet in there. And yes like many of my poems I know the end before I start.I find it more pleasurable to try and come up with something to tie it in to the rest of the work. This one changed subject a number of times before I got there. I also set myself up for something trying to get the number counting to run till the end of the poem. In fact i had to keep adding just to keep it on course Thank you for reading and commenting
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Completely amazing and inspiring as always, your work is always such a pleasure to read. Well done!
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Thank you Ayesha for taking time to read this one It is rather long.I like to try formating my work in different ways so that the reader has something other than the same old couplets to read Thank you once again for your most welcome comments
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Hahahahaha. That'll teach me not to read the comments first. Superb........ Bet you wrote the last triplet first.
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Thank you suesann for taking time to read and comment I really do appreciate it Thank you so much
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Astute interpratation of this image.Loved the format you've used in this talented inspiring piece.~~Suseann
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