When you are not here
In my arms, in front of my eyes,
I just think
Of the times when you would be with me
And when you would amaze me
With your talent
To make a person smile
And drive off tears;
Tears that would roll into my eyes
On seeing you,
On feeling your presence,
And on hearing
Your sweet and encouraging words…
When you call me
To ask about my well-being,
I just think
Of how you would take care of me
When I would fall sick
Due to cold and biting wind;
And how you would just smile
To say that I would get well soon…
When you send me a letter
Describing your daily chores,
I just think
Of how you would go to the office early
And come back home late;
And how I would ask you
To come home early
To spend some time with me too…
When you inform me
That you are coming to my doorstep
In just a few days’ time,
I just think
How nice it would have been
If we were together
Quarrelling with each-other
Yet, enjoying life immensely…
Author notes
Written October 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- Your Very Best (pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
377 points, ended April 16, 2007, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - When Darkness Takes Over by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended June 9, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Happy Father's Day by whispernthedark.
450 points, ended June 18, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FATHER'S DAY by ellipsist.
600 points, ended June 19, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Missing you ( Perwrites Aloud) by Rasmus.
350 points, ended July 5, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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very sweet i loved it a lot keep up the great work you are very talented...
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thank you and good luck
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I am confused
as there is no:
Option 3, bananasfoster42.?
you have managed to capture and express some very basic human desires very simply and honestly... this piece is filled with reality and easy for many to relate to...
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Very nice, it does make it hard when there's a lot of distance. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
whisper
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This is a very nice write. My favorite lines are:
And when you would amaze me
With your talent
To make a person smile
And drive off tears;
Tears that would roll into my eyes
On seeing you,
On feeling your presence,
And on hearing
Your sweet and encouraging words…
That is very sweet I have a friend that does this and it is an amazing love
Thank you for shairng your poem with me and adding it to the contest. Best of luck to you
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this is a beautiful, yet sad entry. thanks for it, it was really good!
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hi i could feel the love and emotion and sadness in this write it was very well written dear poet thank you for entering and good luck in my contest
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lol!I could relate to lot of instances up there..this is seriously a very cute write! At times I was so lost in the write...that I felt all cute and that girly feeling that we get...surfaced! The write is so full of sweet love and I will be there for you kinda message that I totally liked this write!!
I am glad I dropped in here to read a sweet write!!
hugs n kisses
preets
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I enjoyed this. A small thing - strictly speaking it should be "amaze me WITH your talent" rather than by. Anyway an excellent write!
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very nice write. My parents are no longer with me. I miss our fights. The love we shared at holidays.On seeing you,
On feeling your presence,
And on hearing
Your sweet and encouraging words…
I love these lines for we take them for granted when they are here. This is a wonderful poem of family love. This read to me so very special great job -
this was a nice poem, a little long for your message but it was still really nice. thanks for entering and best of luck
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This has been scored. You may request your score after the contest has closed.
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Thanks for entering. Will score after it's closed for judging.
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great job
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There are a lot of emotions in this poem and it's very very very well written! Where'd you get the idea for this poem anyways? How old are you by the way? If that's to personal of a question than you don't have to answer sorry! Thanks so much for entering my contest and good luck! You have a lot of talent! My favorite lines were
"To make a person smile
And drive off tears;
Tears that would roll into my eyes
On seeing you,
On feeling your presence," Thanks again and take care
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A beautiful write, so heartfelt and loving, wishing for your dad to be closer. Excellent penning and good luck to you.
Gaylene xx
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This was a breath of fresh air, my dear. So light and inspiring. I enjoyed the reading. It rolls through the mind so gently. I'm so glad you entered this contest. I am honored you shared this from your heart about your dad. This is the stuff I was hoping to get. Thank you.
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Bravo!
Goos work here, i think its one of ur first free verses... many ppl here seem to think u r writing it to someone else, so better let them know, its about ur father...lol... anywayz, a brilliant write............keep up the good work...........love and cheers, shuvi -
This has a very melancholy tone to me. I can read it as a lover sighing happily, but it seems more sad and perhaps almost sarcastic, as if you can't believe your lover would come back and your dreams aren't likely to come true. I liked the repetition of "I think." I think it gave the poem unity.
Perhaps some more description might add to it though. It's a little stark right now, but that could be your desired affect.
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This is beautiful and sincerely touching. Such strong emotions and descriptive dialogue within. Thanks for sharing and good luck to you in the contest... x Butterfly.
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You did a wonderful job describing the emotions many feel when apart from their lover. thank you much for sharing this wonderful piece!
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