Shall we at close of day put chores aside
To sup, rest and declare our sweet content
With riches vain we gained from world outside,
And claim to have fulfilled our heart's intent?
Shall we bid day farewell with conscience clean,
A smile upon our faces, sinless, pure;
When poverty would paint a bleaker scene
Upon land withered, ravished and obscure?
Shall we in twilight hush hold silent, still,
While on deaf walls be thrown their helpless cries?
Men desp'rate hug the knife in bitter chill
As we in swaddle rest in blissful lies.
Would not, against the dying of the light,
Our hearts protest for all that's good and right?
Author notes
This can be a bit cynical, but also hopeful. It's dedicated to all the burgeousie intellectuals and elite, especially in the Third World countries. People, open your eyes and your ears!
The second to last line is based on Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night". I can't help it, it's a good poem, for all the drama of its powerful message.
Written October 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- A Sonnet Contest with a Given Starting Line by Josy2.
300 points, ended October 23, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Well done - this is very well written, clear cut and it kind of climbs into your heart
Darkstone
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It has been a long time since I've written a sonnet myself. Masyadong tamad kasi pagdating sa meter at rhyme haha. Napakahusay mo talaga kaibigan at may mensahe pa itong hatid na dapat nating bigyang halaga. Sensya na sa aking Tagalog, laking-Cebuana kasi haha. Cheers! R
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You're very welcome. Shelley
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Thank you!
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Congratulations on your Honorable Mention. Shelley
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Thank you, Jen. I am glad my poem moved you so.
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beautiful, thought-provoking, and morally guiding... great job.
Jen -
Thanks, Daniel. Iambic pentameter is a bit hard for me, because I usually work with eight instead of ten syllables. So I'm glad you think it flows smoothly. And I'm doubly pleased to hear that the final couplet has enough of an impact. That has always been my weak point in my previous attempts of the English sonnet. Thanks for your wonderful review!
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Well-planned piece with a good flow and unexpected, powerful turn. Good job also of including "against the dying of the light," from Thomas' villanelle.
Lightly, Daniel -
My thanks to you, joss, for creating this contest in the first place. Good luck with judging.
-abernaith -
albernath,
I am going to have a tough time deciding the winners with so many good entries
This one definitely is one of them.I really am happy to have the privelege to read so many good poems
in my contest.
Thanks a lot for your entry.
joss
Edited on Oct 17, 7:47 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you, Jim. I had originally intended to write something dealing with love, but you beat me to it. So I decided to go for the jugular instead, with one of my more passionate subjects, so to speak. I thank you dearly for the applause! Good luck in the contest as well.
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This is an excellent sonnet and the message contained certainly worthwhile. You have your rhyme and rhythm down perfectly. Good luck in this contest.
Jim
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