You were autumn Sunday morning,
leaves danced angry at my feet.
There were branches always falling,
broken arms that haunted me.
Always waiting for that moment,
when the snow would rescue thee
but your dreams kept changing colors,
till nobody could see
night time phantoms changed to monsters
with faces that would speak
words that hurt like waking up
with dead roses at your feet.
Lying still
(on beds of leaves)
Breathing silent
(into lips cracked open)
Linger here
(death of morning)
Linger here
(and bring me shame)
Just a child of a lost romance,
let us pray another moment
for if time stands still forever
we can save this autumn morning.
Lying still
(on beds of leaves)
Breathing silent
(into lips cracked open)
Linger here
(death of morning)
Linger here
(and bring me shame)
A queen stripped of her crown of thorns,
no more bleeding autumn colors
decorate this land so ravaged
by kings of silky poison flowers.
Lying still
(on beds of leaves)
Breathing silent
(into lips cracked open)
Linger here
(death of morning)
Linger here
(and bring me shame)
Whisper: come back in the next life.
Author notes
Silky poison flowers = snow flakes.
Written October 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- O, Death by Loreley.
300 points, ended November 2, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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a good piece here, lots of vivid imagery used and it has a good flow. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Autumn Sunday Morning can be so many different things - here you have chosen to make it a windy day that reminds one that winter will soon be here - things are dieing, and the seasons are changing. Vivid images left with these words - like the repetition of the chorus, like these lyrics.
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deep
Aw wow I love this. Such a wonderful write. I enjoyed reading it. The best of luck to you in the contest! Each line well done.
Kari -
Hi, I liked this a lot but would have liked to see a little more detail as to why, maybe angryly at my feel might scan better, just a thought, good write, all the best, Di
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Lying still
(on beds of leaves)
Breathing silent
(into lips cracked open)
Linger here
(death of morning)
Linger here
(and bring me shame)
i love that.
absolutely love it.
this piece is very well written. -
Hello Mannequin, and welcome to the contest! You have a beautiful piece here and a unique take on the contest theme. I agree with the comments left so far. A few suggestions: in the first verse I believe "angry" would be more grammatically correct as "angrily" and "where" might be better as "when". The flow of this piece is very nice and you have some very nice descriptions. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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not guilty
i really dont know what to say, but ill find something. i love the fact that i found some lyrics that dont rhyme. im serious. most people try to write a song that sounds nice but in the process it sounds so fake and forced. but not the case here, this is an exellent catchy masterpeice. ill find someone on my fav list to delete so i can add you. thanks for sharing, and ill be hoping for more from you!
~~~~ektor -
These are excellent lyrics. Deep, well thought out, and nicely displayed. You had some great lines in there:
"A queen stripped of her crown of thorns,
no more bleeding autumn colors
decorate this land so ravaged
by kings of silky poison flowers."
Those being my favorites. Nice job, and best of luck in the contest.
-
Hmm...I really liked the beginning stanzas. They drew me in and kept me reading but the ending seemed to falter - not sure if that was intended butgenerally the last lines are what people remember. Great beginning. Best of luck in the contest.
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1 - 9 of 9
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