sharing pillows
and beverages
laughing out loud
at the lounge
the unusual
fuck my ass hard
and choke me
the sting
of cold water
and red lights
shining on us
at the pier
the screeching
of steel wheels on
century old tracks
as i rolled you over
to taste the sweat
on your back
all flashed back
as I woke on what was
your side of the bed
In a list
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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[ah ha! i found it]
and i really like this poem! great imagery...powerful words.
it's cool to see what "red lights" means to another poet. i used the phrase in one of my poems, but it's actually began as this kind of inside-joke thing i have with my boyfriend...
great job. :-)
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why are you not on my faves list yet?
I'm going to remedy that.
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Damn. Very raw. I am reminiscent of Charles Bukowski. This is a very exceptional piece! Well done indeed!n
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There was a certain swirling sensation in this, yet seemed very 'in your face' and quick. This manages to lead the reader into just what you were trying to convey, and I think the short lines add to that greatly.
~Adam :^) -
Brilliant!
Very different and interesting; the form and economy of words just keep you reading, and the rhythm runs steadily like a train on a track.
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This is an excellent poem.
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I'm loving the form of this poem.. beautifully and powerfully succinct write. Not to mention that erotic side... love this
Red
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There is a certain nostalgia...maybe more a melancholy about this poem that moves the reader. I love trains - so this poem kind of spoke to me in steam and whistles. The images you've painted here in words are vivid and the emotions very powerful. So sad when reality flashes back at us like this. A great poem...
~ Nicolette
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it wasn't a dream
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You paint a vivid picture, very well done.
I found it very erotic, too bad you woke up and it was all a dream :-)
enjoyed it,
~ wendy -
lalalala wonderfffull.<3
"as i rolled you over
to taste the sweat
on your back
in that tight space
on the train"
i really like that stanza. for some reason it is just eye stiking with all it words and things that have to do with licking are always appealing; to me atleast. it makes me want to write something. i haven`t written in forever, anyways. this is just really great, like always and kinda sorta reminds me of this one poem i wrote, even though yours is much much better. =]
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this is beautiful. i love that you use such vivid imagery and show, rather than tell, what happened. well done.
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