Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Can You Save Me?

Caught
Again by
Never ending words

You say to them all the time.
Only, now you mix lies with the truth.
Under your safe shelter of words you remain.

Starting to hurt more than it ever had before now,
As I start losing the control I never had over me.
Venom feels better than broken hearts, which leave scars that will never heal.
Easy death awaits from venom. Allow me to inject it into myself.

My pain and torment caused by you will be over soon whether it heals or dies. It's the
End

Author notes

This is an acrostic which is limited by a syllable count that starts at one and goes up by two every line until the last line, which is only limited by the fact that it must be one word.

In previous versions "dies" was "death" but dies sounded more gramatically correct.
Written October 15th, 2006

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • star lunatic
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    PAINFUL. really. but don't lose hope. life is great.
    anyway, I really liked this:
    Easy death awaits from venom. Allow me to inject it into myself.

    Great write! good luck!


    ~~~Tal~~


  • slipknot babe
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    don't die. life is worth living for. I learned that lesson over and over again in life and its never going to quit until you are willing to give up the need to wanting to kill yourself. you may think your alone but your not. Hopely you just write about it in poem instead of doing it then that would be good. theres no use of actually doing it. You will lose all of the people who care about you. and not's something not worth giving up. if you need someone to talk to you can always talk to me. I'm here for you.


  • pollywolly
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    while im not to hot on grammar terms like acrostic lol i do recognise a fine piece of writing which this is. the pain is evident not only with your choice of words but by the style written as each line grows as the pain does. really good.

  • gypsyfish
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    excellent/excellent

    i think the pain comes from YOU not taking CONTROL and maybe you are only lying to yourself. remember,venom,is posion,to the soul, and to the heart. this is a very wellthought out write. this proves, you have derermintaion. so takes some control. and ONLY YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF. love GYPSYfish


  • PerfectImperfection
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is very sad and deeply woven. Words can devour sometimes... Best wishes!

1 - 5 of 5