19 Kisses

I sit with paper all over my desk... pencil in hand... calculator with food stains.... I am going over the figures once again... How does one get the most bang for the buck out of 19 kisses?

The lips are very important... we must save at least a third of the kisses for there... the mouth is important, too... Oh, and there's lefty... and rightie... must save some for them... and tummy is the cutest thing in the universe... should it be symmetrical?

My assistant, Alvadore, is quite angry with me... "Who was the dumb-ass who said one kiss per day?"... but he knew it was me... I wasn't thinking, well not the way HE thinks... I have not made a habit of letting him think for me... but there are times...

The toes are so sweet. Kiss each and maybe encapsulate them one by one in lips and tongue, until they are surrounded in wetness and warmth... ah, but that uses up more than half...

Maybe, one big sloppy kiss for each set of toes... Alvadore approves... down to 17... need to start a new page and sharpen pencil... I think this time we are on to something... one slobbery kiss starting at each knee and ending where I run out of saliva... Alvadore applauds with a standing ovation... mark that down... take cold shower... OK, down to 15...

Oh, I must give five kisses to the belly... yes! big suction-cup kisses to the belly! each lasting a minute-and-a-half or more... Alvadore is still thinking of the feet... not surprising... I suggest that we roll our face and scratch the belly with the beard... Alvadore thinks of the toes and says, "Whatever..."...

10 kisses and counting... I suggest 7 for the lips... Alvadore protests strongly... he likes toes, but not that much... he suggests I use those 7 on the mouth, and let him assist... I quickly see the sensible nature of my friend, and erase enthusiastically... so, maybe four for lefty and four for rightie?... Alvadore is torn... it is preferable, he thinks, but am I limber enough to make that work for him... we decide to go with two for lefty and two for rightie...

6 kisses left!... what to do, what to do... I suggest kissing beautiful, beautiful eyes... Alvadore reminds me to make the tummy kisses extra wet... I see the sensible nature of my assistant is constant and remarkable... perhaps two for each eye?... Alvadore collects his thoughts... yes, two per eye is very sensible...

2 kisses left... Alvadore has specific plans for these kisses.... he instructs me to write: "One long, loving kiss for the show, when Alvadore begins his magic disappearing act... and one very long inspired kiss to call him back..." I accept this suggestion without amendment...

We study the finished outline on paper... It is not enough kisses to do a proper job, but we both agree that this is the best we could do under the circumstances... we review the series again, and see it is brilliant... Alvadore suggests we make it a deal and shake on it...