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Mexico snow

 



mexico snow

 

 



internal waterfall

       shear rounded thoughts -

            sever slivers

 



[swallow whole]

 

 



water sheet -

                     glassbloodpaperthin

                        crash/break/greets

                            razor sliced soul

 

 




                 blood

       shift-shapes

              seeking

              escape

 

 

.



wordWORDwords

snow

speckle

out

of

reality

 

 







mariachi mind

frrantictic frrenetictic

tictoctictic

pound/pounding

sleep destroyers

screamSCREAMscreaming

WriteMeColourMeShadeMe

shademeshadesof

 

 





b l u e               b l u e               b l u e 

 

 






daydream

 

daynight

 

nighttime

 

nightmare

 

nightmares

 

 

 


A L W A Y S

 

X  L W X Y S

 

A L W A Y S

 

L A W X Y S

 

A L W A Y S

 

 




dbisturb~dbistort~dbisrupt

shAdingshAdedshAdes

cerulean de catalan

fill my fill my head

tease:taunt:taunting

la la la la la vida muerta

 

 

 








 

 

Author notes

Written October 14th, 2006

Overall, I hope the piece has a surreal/touch of insanity feel to it…

Its about the mind and the images and ideas of other people that are fed into it, how we interpret them, whether we like them or not, and importantly, how they affect us.

The reference to blue, comes from a dream I had, where everything in the dream was different shades of the same blue, the important images in the dream [elongated corpses running around irrationally] were in bright electric blue, fading into a white sky.

The strike-out words represent the chain of events in life, ie whatever we do will always affect someone else. The word ALWAYS, represents how we read and judge situations even without the full facts, ie, sometimes we fill in the gaps to suit our own purposes.

I didn’t try to do anything with this, it just appeared on screen without any deep thought process, and as it is here, is more or less in its original form, apart from the spacing.

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 74 of 74

  • Floorboards
    December 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    congrats jan, and merry christmas!


  • Amy Meneses
    October 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the gold!!! I gave you the gold because I really thought you did something amazing and unique with this. It is almost like your poem became this sort of wonderful paradox, like Mexican snow is. I also thought the chaos of this takes in the reader. There also some type of element of a racing mind, almost like the thought that go wild when you really have time to be quiet. That time when you find out you ARE a paradox. Great job and I am glad to read this.

  • Amy Meneses
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This took my breath away!!! Perfect for my contest. I would really appreciate it if you commented on some of the tools you used and what they represent. Why did you jumble the words as you did. Did you mean for an echoing feeling to come out of this when the reader reads this? I definitely felt an echoing in my head as I read. I don't want to overanalyze for sake of this completion because I really want to hear what you have to say. I already took this in to my own and would love to hear what you tried to do with it and see if I got the what you were trying to do. Please write a few notes explaining the choices you made. Especially with the deformity of words you used which I loved.


    • sarajaneUK
      October 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting, much appreciated. Overall, I hope the piece has a surreal/touch of insanity feel to it…

      Its about the mind and the images and ideas of other people that are fed into it, how we interpret them, whether we like them or not, and importantly, how they affect us.

      The reference to blue, comes from a dream I had, where everything in the dream was different shades of the same blue, the important images in the dream [elongated corpses running around irrationally] were in bright electric blue, fading into a white sky.

      The strike-out words represent the chain of events in life, ie whatever we do will always affect someone else. The word ALWAYS, represents how we read and judge situations even without the full facts, ie, sometimes we fill in the gaps to suit our own purposes.

      I didn’t try to do anything with this, it just appeared on screen without any deep thought process, as it is here, is more or less in its original form, apart from the spacing. So this is really todays interpretation of my poem. Is that kinda close to what you thought?


  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    August 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You used a rare form I really like it nice and dark! The picture you chose really goes well with the piece! great job! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!

    -Steve-


  • BloodCrusted
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was quite interestingly written.
    A form that I've really never seen, but I like it.
    It adds to the mystery of the poem.

    Nicely done!
    -System of Cyanide


  • SliptheFlitch
    March 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Love love this. Grats on the win.

    ~Slip~


  • StrawberryKisses
    March 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That is really cool =)
    Totally.. crazy
    Makes me think of a computer crashing, really.
    Anyways, love it =)
    X
    Marieke


  • Shiro Okami
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really really like this. Great use of graphology. Love the way you have set it out on the page, repeated yourself, your use of phonology, everything. Best one I have read SO FAR.

  • fallen-leaf
    February 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Unique.

    Firstly, this poem is written in a unique format, and I liked it. And your poem, was quite dark, and deep as well. I liked the flow to your poem, its really great. Basically, I just loved this poem. Thank you so much for entering my contest! Good luck! And keep up the nice work!! ^_^


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very deep and dark... Lots of disturbing presentations... I love what you did with the always, twisting the words around just like the darkness twists use around... Love the format also, broke up very well.


  • Exodus gold member
    January 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my. This took me a fair while to get into the rhythm of it but once I did it was just brilliant. Abstract almost but still retaining a slight sense of reality, if I'm making any sense at all.
    Anyway, even if I am just babbling you should know that it is praise, and I really loved you poem, thankyou for entering it


  • Emerald Lass
    December 26, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Artistic presentation!

    How did you guess? I love art museums and abstract work very much! Thank you for coming to us with your poem!

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    December 23, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    A very different piece to any that have encountered before,certainly some words I need to look up and the overall impression is one of such chaos and confusion internally that the mind is fast shuttering and dismissing words that are inadequate to describe the intensity of emotion felt,merging words,stumbling on them and it is certainly a frenetic write that gets the job done,love and light,Yvette


  • Swtpoetryman
    December 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    VERY INTERESTING!

    Not what I expected from you but an interesting piece and a fine contest entry - to say the least! The use of the simple black background and the blue letters fit this blue blue blue BLUE piece - perfectly! Thanks SO MUCH for featuring this and GOOD LUCK in the contest with it!
    Peace & Love!
    Earl.


  • Cannonsfire
    December 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I am humbled by the abstract freedom you have shown in this and the form you have used is brilliant. It reads almost as a rap, or that's the way it felt as I read the words. Congratulations on the most original of the species I have had the pleasure to read tonight.

  • unknownpleasure
    December 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    someone likes the house of leaves


  • MotorcycleFreak silver member
    December 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    I love this bit of word play you have concocted for the enjoyment of the reader. I can relate to it, and have often felt this happening within my sleepy brain. Especially, after slowly dozing off with a half margarita slipping from my fingertips. ~PeacE~GarY~


  • judo monkey
    December 23, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    woha

    i dont get it but it is very interesting to read, i love the random structure, and the use of crossing through


  • melodramatic01
    December 2, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic, I love it. I especially loved how you slowed the words down for the "blue blue blue" part. The format was really captivating and unique--a breath of fresh air!


  • PrettyRagDoll
    November 28, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful Look Inside Your Mind!

    This was absolutely perfect, exactly what I was looking for. You blew me away with your relettering words and strategic punctuation! Ahhh... insanity, pure insanity. I felt crazy reading this. The last two words wrapped the whole poem together and gave me chills up my spine. I liked the creative capitalizaton of "shadingshadedshades". Thank you for entering my contest; thank you for sharing.
    -d0ll


  • Allure of a Rose
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Well.. shit. I wasn't supposed to love it...

    Niiice. I love how open this is. I'm sure that not one person will see this the same way another did. Course I had to see it in a nasty way, but that's my own agenda. Haha. But yes, I do love this. I had seen it in the Featured box before but never clicked, I just wasn't sure what I thought of the title in the past, but now I suppose it sort of -clicks- Ya know? Anyway, fantastic job, my love.

    -Allura


  • IndividualEleven
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    you really are insane, lol, wasn't sure what i was reading until i saw the contest, but in a way it is beatiful, and at least i found deeper meaning in it, great job, hope you win!


  • individuality gold member
    November 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    sleep destroyers, ah i know them well, the swines lol blue blue blue fingers type as blue breath escapes, i guess i will put a jersey on! spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...


  • PetrifiedAfforded
    November 21, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    thinkings

    sarajaneUK (not all jerseys have to be new to be different?)



    "Mexico snow [dark]" is a braille of language as we fidget to find what's next when the viscosity of "glassbloodpaperthin" is recycling from "a water sheet", that is gutteral and composing continues to a a gutter ron off from the misty thirst to "sever slivers" until our % of H20 reseen is resinous as resonous

    "wordWORDwords

    snow"

    as this surely's sticky

    has the Sanskrit touch in the blindest way or

    which makes new triggers
    with the tropical body temperature etcera for "Mexico snow [dark] is imprintable.



    wets whets appetites to new sites.



    The marrying of vocabularies :

    "mariachi mind
    veins with everything?
    frrantictic frrenetictic" but it is just ticking instead of kitting, thus "pound/pounding" is the time spent and the obstacles makes spectacles of the day braking into 3's for blahs

    "b l u e b l u e b l u e"

    or laughs if it's intervaled following a groove

    that navies and azures are nodded to



    but the array dons undressings :

    "A L W A Y S

    X L W X Y S" like just an a x'd and you don't have always
    indellibly

    but that's almost forgettabble and remerging is

    "A L W A Y S" to layaway for melodic days of

    "L A W A Y S" of the's to have their choruses but this could get coarser.

    or irrational.

    Yet I can say today congratulations, belatedly even.


  • Starswhispers silver member
    November 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulation on your trophee this was indeed a very different kind of poetry i do like the message at the end... Doomday.


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    October 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very unique piece, dark and captivating. it draws yu in and holds your thoughts and attention. great write with wonderful layout and form. Throughly enjoyed the read. Bunny


  • forever - silenced
    October 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW... this poem is so unique! & it draws the reader in so that they reader faster and faster until it stops. this is such a great write mummy but what was it really about!? remember i'm always here for you! much love

    ~Ur Loving Daughter


  • Ms Raneika
    October 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    *****

    Sarajane I really enjoy a lot of your writes...this got to be one of the most unique I have ever read from you and I really liked it...much love from Raneika


  • EyeRaven
    October 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Unique describtion of a sweet falling insanity,
    shaped by the progressing madness that a hurt mind creates, through observing a wave of shards, crystal blades of an azure-black sky..

    I enjoyed every speck of it,

    keep writing...


  • hoodoolover silver member
    October 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I found this to be very curious. Upon reading the title, the first thing that came to my mind was 'cocaine'. Not sure if this is what you were writing about or not, but that is what I read into it , and the confusion and emotions that come with it's use. Very creative write


  • Iohagh
    October 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Darling

    Being now in Mexico
    runnng from my dark
    I feel as though
    its a healing park.

    However, I guess this
    through sadness and depression
    can even poison bliss
    growing instead of lessen.

    Smoosh

    Janet


  • passionate demise
    October 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is sweet,dark,and utterly heart-stopping.


  • Thatpoet
    October 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Truth is Beauty, proved.

    I agree with the many insightful words here, good work, or you would not have so many comments! Success! And why? Beacuse good beat poetry, worthy of taking to a slam, is rare for me. I love the technique of crossing out the words and repeating them with varied spellings. You took advantage of the visual medium and brought new creativity to my experience! Such delicate sorrow and such truth about it makes me love your work and hope for you that when you swimm so deeply out into the far end, that you will not tire there, and that you have life rafts near by. The beach is not the place to write always, but I hope to see some work here that tells me you have reached it. ~S


  • Master Anarchy
    October 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Y o why so Blew blue

    Good use of the page layout.
    The title and the first lines render access possible, with but little thought and imaginated freedom.
    The choice of colour, let alone the picture,adds, but not in a way that substantiates in lieu of inherent substance.
    Very different to the last one I read of yours, and again, I must, if I did not then, applaud.
    (I do feel the comments are a bit overblown, but I doubt you are anything but self-respectting enough to but be warmed by these Appollonian raise rays). {And nor is it my business, at least not here majorally, to mention such}.

  • Billig Billie
    October 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    So strong, so forceful yet weeping and delicate. Such a whirpool of emotions, there's so much to like! Amazing choice of words (I must say I love the title, it's definately poetic!) I can't een begin to explain what all I liked about this, there are so many little things, the phrasing, vocabulary, imagry, was all amazing. Thank you for sharing!
    And always, thank you for your time and talent.
    .billie.


  • panegyric ink
    October 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    !!!!!!!!! IMPRESIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Fantasically Disturbing!!!!!!!! The creative juices hit just rights with these words, these thoughts!!!!!!!!!


  • Edna Sweetlove
    October 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    No, no, no, no. This time (first time too!) we part company. I really think you've had a bottle too many of Aunty Edna's Sweet Moonshine Mountain Droop.


  • TheFlawedOne
    October 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    God this is pure bliss, I mean manic and all. All over the page and all over my mind, I found this to be incredible! You really rocked on this...really.
    Have a dreamy day
    ~*PointLessOne*~


  • miranda writes
    October 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very unique and eerie. you have a great way with words. i enjoyed reading this.


  • xmylastglimpsx
    October 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    woah!! I really like it it has alot of emotion in it and thats cool. I really like what you did with Always that was cool

  • Lordrevan
    October 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I loved it. It almost brought tears to my eyes. I have never heard anything like it before. You really know how describe things in a way that you can feel every word you write.


  • keeyley
    October 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    cool love it!!

  • Uriah Hamilton
    October 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very deep but don't seek too low into this well.

  • TravisB
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Yah this went right over my head. LOL. Im still trying to piece it together. The title caught my attention, and it is certainly very unique. Very, very unique and interesting piece of writting.


  • Nyabbi
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    A completely amazing poem if you ask me. I lvoe poems liek this where yoo're not sure what comes next, and you have to sometimes figure out hwat they truly mean.. Keep writing <3


  • dreamsindigital
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    amazing, that really invoked alot of emotion, nice write.

  • Dazed Daizy
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    gold

    incredible....really amazing...i really was captured by the format....and it seems like it's extremely personal..and that noone would understand your underlying message or meaning...and that's the beauty of it...you've locked it in with the format...and the word play..it's my favorite type of poem...a puzzle...


  • Mistifear
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I think I agree with the masses on this one, I definately don't get it. But I like the format and structure none the less.


  • annamoy
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Not really my sort of poem. I'm still trying to work it out. Could it be a dyslexic drug user's rant? Anyway good luck!

    Ann


  • ShotgunGoddess
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I have never read a poem like this...and can I say...I LOVED IT! I felt like as I was reading, each word was a picture flashing through my mind...well done, I have never enjoyed a poem like this one!

    Much Respect and Fair Winds,
    Kanna


  • MotherMachineGunn
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Intriguing.

    I liked it. I found it to be very passionate.. very emotional. I can see that you were 'feeling' your words as you wrote them.


  • white stone
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    splash

    I bow down before this. Amazingly disorienting.

    "frrantictic frrenetictic"

    I dig the way this rolls off my tongue. Reality shattered into surreal, swirling fear. That last line is just dead on, girl.
    Drink the sharp waterfall...


  • suthrnbell84
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ummmmmm, I am not quite sure I get this. Am I supposed to get it? It was kind of cool, though almost like reading a madman's rant.

  • TissueInduced
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    That poem was very unique and intense, it had a very dark message which was accentuated by the language and styles you chose to employ. Written beautifully and very emotional; haunting to read. The poem had such an intense and powerful voice... it was quite difficult to read in the sense that there were many feelings to understand. Congratulations on a fantastic write.
    Best of luck to you and for future pieces, this really did speak to me.
    <3 Tissue

  • Lisa Haslett
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good write

    great poem Keep the pen in hand It is really different,Thanks for sharing it!Good work!Lisa K Haslett raytown Mo.

  • Lisa Haslett
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good poem

    Sad poem I liked it Great work,Keep the pen in hand,really different,Has a strange way about it!But good work!Lisa K Haslett Raytown Missouri!


  • pixxiepoetess
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I'm going to have to follow Loreley's comment with much the same question. When I think snow, I think powdery white, so I'm wondering if this poem is about cocaine or heroin. It was kind of hard to pick up, but I think the disjointedness is part of what you were going for. It's a very interesting piece, and I think your language exploration is really unique. --->pixxie<---


  • Xxxxxxxxx
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Enigmatic

    strange,makes me wanna go down to the peninsula where its where its warm and lie on the nightsky lite beach with a belly and mind pull of peyote.

    -cheers

  • Loreley
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Maybe I'm naive and don't get it - the best I can come up with is that the snow is a drug. Is this so? I like it, but I am somewhat confused. The painting is wonderful.


  • October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow that pictures really great! Loved that whole thing. Is that by a established artist or something? Your poems pretty wild with the way that you were playing with all the words and sounds like that. Don't know what I think of it all but it looks like you were really into it.

  • Mother Angst
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is deep as the snow that is its subject...a very good write.


  • NashvilleMomma
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I found this poem a bit too deep, but nonetheless, great work.


  • The FeliX
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i personaly cant say i liked this, i didnt feel it had any real message and was just disjointed phrases, perhaps a more commom theme might link the poem together better.
    however i appreicate what youve done here with the structure and every thing.

    Hollow X

  • keepmelickinggay
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    life has a meaning question it

    i love this peom i makes feel as though i was there when it snowed


  • birdlove
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    ah-mazing

    Wow. This is intensely powerful, loved the flow and expression!

  • Swtpoetryman
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    WITH NIGHTMARES LIKE THESE - WHY GO TO SLEEP?

    This fits the lack of sleep due to the nightmares I've been having all week from the MONKEY ON MY BACK which has been clinging to me for quite some time now! Not all of it can be explained BUT the fact remains that are thoughts are often all mixed up - like that particularly when we feel we are on the edge and extremely close to

    F
    A
    L
    L
    I
    N
    G
    !

    An interesting an thought provoking peace from you - as always!

    Love & Peace!
    Earl.


  • Melodies
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Something fabulous to read to a group and ask for interpretation! Would do so well in a college English class. Fine writing!

  • PalmettoSky
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    interesting and different...I liked the contrast between the color of the type and the background. thanks for sharing. keep up the great work...peace.


  • leo2
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Fiction or not it is disturbing. The progression through this mind makes me wonder just what is going in his or her life.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • cherche -d -ame
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hmmmmm.......not sure what I was expecting, but somehow this was not it. I must say that it was disturbed what you were trying to get across....it is a great job (for now I feel that way----and I only read words) I hope that you are well, and will not ask where this came from. Guess we all need to do this now and then though......

    reenie

  • Floorboards
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    weeeeird *grin*

    i found this quite disturbing jan , are you substituting magic mushrooms for the fags?, i like it and it's very unique, but it's just whizzed over my head i'm afraid,
    trippy,
    alex


  • October 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Hey Jan, this is a very intriguing and thought provoking Poem you have written here . Keep up the fantastic work my friend and remember to keep smiling.

    Cheers
    Terry

  • individuality gold member
    October 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    such a cheery poem here here, have a scream of delight and a hug spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...

1 - 74 of 74