United
The wind came in through my window,
a soft caress all over my warm, excited body.
Invisible lover
with playful fingers in my hair,
kisses blessed with autumn rain.
My hands spread like wings,
palms turned up and open,
the wetness of its drops touching.
My face exposed,
my eyes closed.
Ecstasy
I can feel it,
crawling under my lace clothes
like a ghost,
like a lover it makes my skin blush.
I was shivering like a river’s surface.
The wind washed my eyes with tears
of joy.
I heard flute
and organs.
In the night
its harp seduced me again.
I saw it, I caught it
It was white like a sail
and it was green like leaves,
it was orange like madness,
and it was scattered like waves foam.
It was dancing like my windows curtain,
it was gimped like a kite's tail.
I saw its yellow fingers on the sand dunes
and black shadow like a crow’s feather.
It was hot like a sun’s protuberance veil.
And I trap it within my bosom,
just for a moment.
Author notes
Picture: Wind Through My Window By Steve Hanks
Written October 14th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- ONE DAY CONTEST - INVITE TO ALL MY FAVOURITES. by Ami amour.
425 points, ended January 14, 2007, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Beautifully Sensual. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended June 19, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Merging with Nature
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Thank you for your entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
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this is gorgeous, I find your sensual writes so inspiring to me.....
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I can clearly see why you earned this bronze trophy. It really is a breath taking piece of poetry. It possess so much imagery that it just craddles the reader in your every word. It really is a masterpiece..
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A well purposed purpose? I liked that.
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And I trap it within my bosom,
just for a moment.
Sonya I love the way you worked the wind wonderful metaphor. the flow worked up to the end.. I had a problem with-'sun’s protuberance veil.' seemed like a problem with tense, however, a beatifully written poem.
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I know what you mean but I put this line with a purpose, to be in balance with other parts of this poem and to make a tension at the end. It was something one could see and feel but can't touch.
~Sonja~
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Excellent very Descriptive Writing
Reading this I felt like I was feeling what it feels like to be inside a woman's body.
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Thank you Ellis for spending a day to read and comment my poetry and of course for applauses.
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My dear sonja, it has been a while since i really could spend time here like i would have liked... but now i have finished school.. and i had a lot going on personally in my life.... my husband and i seperated a year ago in 3 days... so life has been trying... i have so missed your writing... and this write just reminded me more so of that... your words flow so freely and i really can "feel" them and i get such vivid images while reading.. as always your a wonderful writer and i am so looking forward to being able to spend much more time reading and writing once again.. i have such a different perspective with life now you may find quit a difference in my writing as well... great job my dear friend.. and i hope all is well with you and your son Amy
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My dear Amy, I a so glad to see you back. Congratulations for your new diploma. It will help you a lot.
In meantime I was busy too, published two books, one book of poetry on English language and another one on my - Croatian language(only e-book but still a book, lol) with 7 stories for kids. I have more of them on the way too.
You are right, life is so unpredictable, each day is a new way to see the light... I wish you the best and I hope to see your poetry again.
~Sonja~
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I really enjoyed this one too. I hope you don't mind if I put you on my favourites. You have a way with words I can only hope to write like this some day.
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I liked the one word opening, it set the poem up well. I thought you could take "in" out of the first line then maybe cut back a few adjectives in the second line. Personally, I'm not a big fan of adjectives but throughout the rest of the poem I found they really enhanced the piece, along with some beautiful imagery. Thanks for entering.
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Thanks for your deep review and honest comment. ;f
~Sonja~
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Excellent
I loved this it is brilliant and the use of nature creates such splendour to what is a sensual piece of work. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck. Ami
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This poem impressed me with all the vivid images and the gentle flow of words. I thought this was something special, showing so much creativity and a real sense of poetry. One of my favourites that I have read of yourS. I especially liked the opening and the way you used colours towards the end of the poem, linking each to an image.Very impressive.
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Thank you dear friend. All senses are very important to me and colours could make a miracle to us. Thank you for applases.
~Sonja~
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Rated A, for Awesome!
I love this piece! So much beautiful metaphor!!
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Thank you Rose for this big, great A. This is one of the best comments on my site.
~Sonja~
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Smiles
The last line made me smile.
a soft caress all over my warm, excited body... this line, however, was an instant turn off- because it contains 3 adjectives. An adjective's job is to tell, but the poet's job is to show. You can't eliminate every adjective, but when I am tempted to use one, I try to stop and ask myself what it looks like- so in this case, I would ask myseld what does soft look like? What does warm look like? What does excited look like? And I would try to use the image rather than the adjective.
The use of the word "invisble" twice is a bit distracting. It makes me wonder if there is a different word that could be used instead of the second invisible?
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Thanks Danna, yes, you are right, I am always taking a care not to use the same word twice in the poem, somehow I made a mess this time. It will be much better without almost invisible for the second time.
~Sonja~
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it is exquisitely beautiful, not your usual style – there is erotic softness and invitation in your voice, even subliminal hidden messages i would say, and some of the metaphors are sublime. you should write more on this subject, it “talks” to the reader .
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Dear Sandi, actually I like to write free verse poems but rhyming poetry was a good way to learn English language and its possibilities. I am glad you like it.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you Nicolette, yes that was typo and unfortunately I can't see it before somebody hang it on my nose, so to speak. I was born with this problem.
~Sonja~ -
Sonja, your wind has a playful, sensualness that lingers so softly on the senses. Bringing its different shades into focus if only for the moment then changing to another even more lovelier than the one before, as does each new gust into our windows coloring our world with its essence. Perfect picture to accompany this. A truly beautiful pen, you should write more free verse poems, this was great
Best wishes and many blessings Sandi
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The picture compliments the poem and vice versa, Sonja. The first stanza sets the scene and has a lovely soft quality about it. In the next stanza the seduction begins and I especially loved the reference to “harps, flutes and organs” – that speaks to all the senses and adds a musical quality to the colour and the sounds of the wind. Did you mean to say “I caught it”, instead of “I cough it” – maybe a small typo there – but I got the meaning! In the third stanza the poet makes the wind her own and pulls it inside, to hug it – even though just for a moment. There is a subtle sensuality about this poem that is very endearing and you’ve painted many lovely images of the wind in all its dimensions and colours. Thank you for this very lovely poem that blows from your window to mine.
~ Nicolette
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Thanks.
As your name said, scorpio will rise. You do not need to be jealous. Each poet has his own inner world of feelings and poetry. I am somehow sure that you are using this name with some good reason.
~Sonja~ -
Wow!
I am jealous
But I do respect you
For i wish I have accomplished as much as you
This was a very elegant poem
Great Work
Keep them comin!!!!
Much Love
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Dear sis, as you know, all nature elements are my fav's to write about them. My intention was to show all wind faces and colors. Thanks for your wonderful coment and love.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you Johnny, your comment and applause means a lot to me. I wasn't sure that this one is one of the best but free verses was the better option for this contest. I like free verses because I can leave my thougts to fly and flow free of rhyme and any poetic form boundary and limitation.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you -echos lament- for comment and applause. Actualy poem was already written when I found this picture and when I saw it I said to myself - yes, this is the right one.
~Sonja~ -
this is what you call a lovers dream.
Hello Sis,
Your words express love from far away Your chose words that most wouldnt even think of useing. you may a waken felling of desired that needed too take it one step farther. You alway seem to know and how to put it into a beauitful verse of love. You wrote a beautiful poetry and you are just as beautiful as you poem.
Love you much
Sis Morningstar -
wonderful and airy
sonja,
I must admit this is the best one i have read of yours. VERY well done, great flow and imagry, you must do more along this line! -
wow! i love the imagery, and this goes so well with the picture! it is stunning and breathtaking! you have left me speachless
great write
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Thank yo Kevin for yor comment always full of poetic expression.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you Sam for your great cpomment and applause. Few soft drops of love and a little poetic drop from my pen to express my felings. It wasn't easy to make some good relations with my muse and this contest was on my mind few days ago. I just tried...and I am glad you like it.
~Sonja~
Edited on Oct 14, 1:42 p.m. because 'typos...as always'. -
SO BEAUTIFUL!
Ever so beautiful! Just let the beauty all around touch us and we will find peace.
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WOW! Steeped in tasteful erotica, this piece is done exquisitly! Your ability to express feeling AND image in beautiful verse is flawlessly exhibited here.
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