Pieces of my shattered psyche
Seep their grace upon the floor
As liquid anger drowns remorse
And this languid heart inhibits
My progression beyond the gray
Of this perpetual terror
That in a melting mirrors shown
As burning flesh without a soul
And there I'm hanging crucified!
Author notes
Author: TwistedBloodyLilly aka Lady Lilly
Image by VampHunter777 at deviantart.com
This is supposed to be like a representation of my soul at one particular moment.
A contest entry
- Too Many Mirrors [reflecting the past] by ScarletLetter.
400 points, ended July 14, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn Your DARK Bronze Into Gold!! by Acidanthra.
300 points, ended September 23, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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First off, very awesome picture to go with your poem. I love how the poem was worded. It was short, yet full of power. We all seem to have that moment in time where we feel that we cry so much and for so long that we run out of tears to cry. Whether it be from depression, or someone causing our pain. Either way, this poem spoke to me in a sense that there was no hope left but to cry blood and we see ourselves as the worst person on earth. Very well written!!
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This is really great. It's beautiful, sad, and dark. I love the picture that you put with it. It really adds to it. Wonderful write.
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Thanks.
Glad you like it!
Lady Lilly
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It's good. I can't really find anything to say about it, to be honest, except for that you might want to punctuate for easier reading.
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WOW! intense picture, great flow overall. it's so dark & thats what i love about it<3 great write
best of luck&thanks for entering
-lovesong -
Representation
I'm glad you chose to write about "that" particular moment...because it gave your poem life.
thank you for entering.
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its different and its what i was looking for aswell. because i wanted people to reveal the real them so that would be the person in there soul. it was a lovely write thnx and gd luck
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I am sorry you are left feeling like this. In life, I have felt helpless often although I am only 17, and I am sure I will many more times.
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Very dark, very sad, but yet beautiful. The image fits perfectly with your poem's meaning and feelings. Great choice! Thanks for entering and good luck.
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I love the image, eyes crying blood, just a fantastic picture, it really set the theme.
My only real concern with the poem is I can barely read the text colour. Had to highlight it to read everything on the page.
Otherwise I really enjoyed this.. the dark images, the word usage "languid heart" "perpetual terror". Very well done.. I also liked the length and the fact that you conveyed so much in so few lines.
Thanks for taking the time to enter, best of luck in the contest. I'm really very sorry about the delay in commenting and judging.
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Wow, I really like this poem. It is so dark, but so beautiful. The only fault I find with it is the exclamation point at the end, but that is probably just me, because I don't like using them in my poetry. Otherwise this is a pretty good poem.
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beautifully dark....
I envy you, for I cannot write dark...
Great poem,,,
TY for entering my contest..
Lynda
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Mm, reminds me of how I was last year. Great write, good imagery.
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Darkly beautiful... With a lot of imagery and deep sadness, anger and pain. I understand your words and although I am not a cutter, I live with depression and many down times and have conisdered doing the act, so Iknow these dreadful feelings and how they can ruin you.
x Empathic x -
It took me reading it a few times to understand it, because I don't do well with vampire stuff...but it has excellent imagerey. I think I see it differently than others who have commented, but I guess only you know what you want it to be seen as. Great write, and good luck.
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It makes me think of someone in a story who's been turned into a vampire without permission, and isn't exactly happy about it. Especially the line "My progression beyond the gray" makes me think of someone who maybe didn't think of themselves as a good person to begin with, but not a bad one, and now they're a monster.
This poem has excellent imagery where the words you used just to describe how s/he is feeling can translate into how she'd look in her environment. Along with that image of a new vampire, I can see a girl huddled before a mirror in an abandon house with the windows blocked and the shadow of where a crucifix used to hang on the wall. She's looking desperately at the mirror for it to tell her she's still human, she's not a monster, but it's giving her no comfort.
A very strong poem, and very original. Good job! -
To be honest outside of the contest I'm not big on dark poetry, however you had great detail and the imagery was great. The poem was good because you used the right words to fit the mood and images easily popped to mind. I didn't really like the flow to much but I like it more of a rhyme style but it did flow nicely in the style you wanted it to. The only problem that is going to hurt you in the contest is the lasting impact, the last line was a shocker but I'm its not really stuck in my head. If you want your score make sure you message me. Thanks for entering.
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Okay, first off, haven't read the poem yet! (I don't read them until the end so I can judge more fairly). Secondly, I don't know what option you're going for! Either respond to this or PM me! And yes, I promise a good and long review at the end of the contest.
Good luck! -
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It's option 6: Give Me Your Best. Hope this clears up things. Thank you. Lady Lilly
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Thank you so much for entering! Best wishes to you in the contest!
Just a reminder, PLEASE do not respond to this comment! Thanks!!!
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Shocking
Shocking. This one grabbed my attention and did not let go. You did an awesome job of painting a picture, morbid it may be but done with a poets touch. A real hard hitter. Left my heart pounding all the way till the end. Great job. -
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Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.
Later. Lady Lilly
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Very strong imagery, I can feel the hurt, confusion and sadness written within these lines and how you have suffered, and maybe continue to suffer. Psychology isn't always about what causes the problem, but how the problem ruins you. Thanks for sharing!
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Oooh, great use of words "liquid anger" is my favorite. Thank you for this 'dark' entry into my contest. -N
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i'm sorry i did not get a chance i have been off line lately but your poem is short simple and needed something else to be attach but that ok i like it not my type of understanding but a little more of personafication you can use
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Oh my! I like how the poem is written without a perception (if that makes sense?) until the last line, where it becomes so very personal but remains incredibly amazing. Being honest I would have loved to see a little more punctuation but to each their own style. It's beautiful as is
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Intense, darkness. It didn't have to be any longer, you bled your pain and anger out, in these few lines....loved it, keep it up.....LOL
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Thank You! Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading it.
~Lilly~
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Very powerful wording, nice work
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This is so intensely powerful and filled with deep and dark imagery. Thanks for sharing and good luck in my contest... x Butterfly.
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Wowsers!!
I don't know about crucified but the last line of hanging there reflected in a mirror is powerful.
And the photo, I will not too soon forget. "seep their grace upon the floor" that line is brilliant.
Good luck in the contest.
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You kick ass chic, I like this one. Nice creepy pic too. My fav last 2 lines
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