This is my favourite dream,
Blind to reality and deaf to screams,
Red shift nothingness covers all that lingers,
Silvery emotions slip through my fingers,
Intent to escape - water trickling down a drain,
Ignorant, just a foetus... undeveloped brain.
You touch the hand of my casket skin,
Like a sensory neuron doorbell alerting me within,
I crawl out of hibernation, wake my heavy bones,
Your little boy eyes confirm that I'm alone.
I'd love to take your hand,
Love you to lead me -
Take me away from all this envy...
Alcohol smiles drugged romance
Oh my sweet prince, the world is our oyster -
And the stars are but stepping stones to our destiny.
This beautiful lobotomised love,
Distracting my thoughts... quieting my screams...
This love is my favourite dream.
Author notes
Written October 11th, 2006
A contest entry
- Show me your best! by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended November 13, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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wow, i forgot how you could write. I love the lack of punctuation in alcohol smiles drugged romance, it gives it more meanings. Ive not been on here in YEARS lol!
I love the natural feel mto the rhyming, none of it sounds forced or owt like that.
YAY!
this is like one of your best ever ever.
Oli
x x
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hey this is really sad piece but i promis you it will all turn out fine, i will lead you to the stars beyond our destiny. i love you so much. the poem its self is exalent and i love the imagery and rhym sceeme at the beginning. i love you i really do. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
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thank you so much ummn "Alcohol smiles drugged romance" i didn't punctuate because i liked the idea of being able to read four separate things or two... lol! thank you so much for your comments lol bet you don't know what lobotomised means!! (hee hee the word bottom is hidden within the word lol. kinda..) -x-x-x-
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I like it rather much!
Although, this is "Alcohol smiles drugged romance" confused me a little...is it meant to be "Alcohol smiles, drugged romance"? Punctuation missing meant I read it really strangely...
It has a good rhythm (one which i could get!!) and i think it has a lot of hidden emotion, even if all of it isnt evident. no. i dont mean that...what i mean is that it has a lot of emotion, and has hidden emotions as well, which adds a deeper scale of love, if that makes sense. it also makes it more personal because you can kinda tell that some of the emotion is held back---making it private and like, only for who its written for....if that makes sense. again XD
I think the rhyming is a tad unnatural in the first stanza (not forced, because i think it flows wonderfully but it seemed a little....easy for you. You normally complicate things and choose lovely rare words) but i think i like it beecause it adds to the simplicity of it.
So yes, overall i very much like this poem
it was a lovely read, very emotional and yet another expression of your absolutely fantastic writing skills. Well done baybeee
love xxxxxxx
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