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Pain's gain

I stand alone.....
I only try to fit in,
but I can't.
As I look above,
drops of water falls on my face,
becoming one with the tears I shed.
Because I couldn't be one with my race,
and so I fled.

Not a sinner,
Not a demon.
Yet condemned as one.
What am I really?

I listen to the silence,
My heart hurts,
scratches become scars,
the bright red blood flows,
as rain, water, and tears become one,
Then no difference between one.

Everything hazes,
Everything fades,
As I move into the darkness.

Never to be,
the one I wanted anymore.......

Author notes


Written October 11th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Jasmine Minx
    April 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Pain always seems easy to write about but it never is i hope that you will do better and keep writing. there is never anyone that can tell you that you are not allowed to write this is your given right and never squander it. good luck and keep writing

    ....oooO
    .....(....). ......... ......
    ......)../.. ...Oooo.. ..
    .....(_/.... .(....).. .....
    ............ ...)../.. ......
    ............ ...(_/... .....
    ............ ......... ......
    ....oooO.... ......... ..
    .....(....). ......... ......
    ......)../.. ...Oooo.. ..
    .....(_/.... .(....).. .....
    ............ ...)../.. ......
    ............ ...(_/... .....
    ............ ......... ......
    ... I WAS ............ .
    .......... HERE ......


    Alianne

  • Headstrong2TakeUOn
    October 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    well not neha but but many others though i do give out my critques(?ihatespelling) to her every once in awhile lol


  • RavenDragonmind
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    DO you also cririsize neha that much or is it just me?

  • Headstrong2TakeUOn
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    lol yes i like a lot of urs though i just enjoy critcising u cause its funny!!! lol nonojkjk


  • RavenDragonmind
    October 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    - ing ding ding:- FINALLY!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE A FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Headstrong2TakeUOn
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    yes one of my favorites of urs


  • RavenDragonmind
    October 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks, but I only write what pours out of my heart.


  • RavenDragonmind
    October 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    is this onr of my best one's then?


  • RavenDragonmind
    October 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thnx.I just wrote what came to my mind.No biggy!


  • Losing Hope
    October 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Not a sinner,
    Not a demon.
    Yet condemned as one.
    What am I really?

    That's one of the best parts in this piece. But the whole thing was amazing. You made it flow so well, without making it rhyme, and it takes so much talent to do that. Amazing write. Good luck in the contest, and keep on writing.


    -Flo_<3

  • Headstrong2TakeUOn
    October 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i really like this one!!! :E lol ttyl


  • ChemicalArtemis
    October 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Your welcome!


  • Congruence
    October 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    The us eof langauage is excellent - it is very descriptive and the variation in language and style is really good.

    I like this, like the creativity and the ideas - it is very well written and deserves more views.

    James


  • RavenDragonmind
    October 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thnx.It means a lot to me!!!!!


  • ChemicalArtemis
    October 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ... wow!

1 - 15 of 15