Much is the meaning of the word Distrust,
Much is the meaning of You, Me...Us.
Shortened by the cadence from the deepness of our hearts,
Is the fast tap of the distrust in us.
We've known each other before we can remember,
Although the world we don't trust since November.
The cold breezes blow, and the snow does fall,
The rivers froze and we did call,
For one another long and tirelessly,
As the birds flew and the coyotes did sound.
Days flew swiftly over land and hill,
To a little soft paradise where all was well.
No one to trust but us and ourselves,
The world it seemed could not find itself.
The breezes warmed, as an omen we took it,
The rain fell and for that we were strengthened.
Yet much is the meaning of the word Distrust,
Still much is the meaning of You, Me...Us.
Author notes
This is an emotional piece meant to be discriptive in an unique way to everyone.
Written October 10th, 2006
Freestyle, The "other" option with the freestyles about something completly different.
A contest entry
- Welcome To My World.... TAKE A LEFT by pimp daddy satin.
300 points, ended November 6, 2006, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for fun where onlyWelcome 2 members are welcome! by Crimson Lotus.
525 points, ended January 5, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me how it's done (My second contest - be gentle) by Vagabond.
550 points, ended February 14, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything! Prewrites allowed by lucy sky-diamond.
1100 points, ended February 6, 2007, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want Your Unawarded Pre-writes by Errant Panther.
455 points, ended February 11, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Only the Strong Survive by Quixotically Yours.
550 points, ended February 21, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want To Feeeelll The Emotion(prewrites allowed) any subject.. by dragontuba.
600 points, ended April 3, 2007, 135 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round Contest!! Anything goes this first round. by FightOffYourDemons.
300 points, ended April 7, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show, Don't Tell! by loveisthemoment.
330 points, ended April 11, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Under Lock and Key. by Poetryintheblood.
300 points, ended May 14, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blinded Sorrow by EvenStarsBreak--x.
450 points, ended June 3, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sadness and Darkness by My Darkness.
600 points, ended June 26, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Prewrites You Think Are Worthy Of Gold by KittieLyyn.
330 points, ended July 25, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No work required for this contest. Prewrites only. by yoopea.
617 points, ended July 21, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me Poetry better than my own (Pre-writes Allowed) by McRae by nature.
1000 points, ended August 14, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Poem by AshtrayBaby.
2100 points, ended August 22, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Nam.
900 points, ended August 25, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm sick of the same old crap! by Trent plus pen.
1100 points, ended September 13, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Easy to please. by lilblueeyesmine1978.
425 points, ended September 6, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Good Poetry by Lj-.
300 points, ended September 10, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Something Dark by Lost Memory.
350 points, ended September 23, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite me! ~~ One day only ~~ 500 points to Gold, will be judged tomorrow. by Naridill.
625 points, ended September 28, 2007, 145 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
-
Excellent use of repetition at the beginning and end.
Not overused,
which makes it juuust right.
Overall, the write had a good stability
and was nicely presented to the audience.
Thanks for entering. Good luck.
-
I agree with the comment on the background choice. It is an awsome one but I could not concentrate on the poetry, so much. I think I lost touch with the meaning. But I could feel some confusion in your emotions... Ithica
-
hmm... an intriguiging piece... i quite liked it, thanks for entering
~Nick -
Lots of emotion.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck. -
very good
very well writtenbut it was very hard for me to see against the background sorry. I liked what i say though and good luck in the contest. -
God, I hate rhyming.
But I do like this. It's a bit beautiful, though. A little too beautiful for me. But I digress.
Good luck! -
I really liked the first and last two lines. They were a really perfect way to begin and end your piece. Good job abd good luck.
Carrie
-
Unfortunately, I've been removing entries as I'm judging that aren't what I'm looking for. And I'm sorry to say this happens to be one of those poems. But I wish you the best of luck in your other contests.
-
Ooh.. this is a great poem. It held a sort of mysterious feeling towards it and it was still a little blunt all at once. This poem kind of left me with a feeling of... well.. I guess mystery and wonder. Wondering what's to come next.. wondering what's going to happen. Great job.
Darkened
-
I think you have a wonderful talent my friend!
Great job but I dont feel it fits into my contest.
Thanks for entering this beautiful work! -
very emotional.. i like this, it's a cold feeling left in my heart, but nevertheless it is feeling.. great write and thanks for entering!
-
This piece of poetry appears to be somewhere between free-verse and rhyme which I personally found a little confusing and didn’t aid the flow in reading it. The content is somewhat elusive in certain areas but this could be what the author intended as although this poem is written from a personal point of view it is mentioned in the author notes that it will appeal to each reader in a completely separate way.
I think the language used is fairly transparent and the flow is a little choppy but it could be improved upon by restructuring or rephrasing some of the sentences. The images created by the author are fairly ordinary as far as use goes in poetry but I liked the lines “Shortened by the cadence from the deepness of our hearts, Is the fast tap of the distrust in us.” as they took me a little deeper.
The thing that works for me and retrieves my view of this piece is that it can easily apply to so many people in circumstances similar to the author. One very poignant line is “We've known each other before we can remember” as I’m sure the majority of people have experienced this feeling at some point or other in their lives.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
-
beautiful... loved it... good job and thanks for entering my contest... ^-^
-
It has it's moments but I just felt it lacked in a lot of important areas. The rhyme is convenient and a lot of the phrasing was redundant, the same redundancy I think actually helped the flow though.
It carried a lyrical appeal I thought, but as it stand I found it weak. -
This piece reflects talent. It goes far beyond the words on the surface and develops into a write that actually says something... It draws a picture that is sad and dark and cold...
Your choice of words actually gives this poem the strength as you have chosed words that really shout out to the readers.
This is a well written piece.
Well done.
tender-butterfly
-
very nice heart felt piece of art you have written here,good luck in the competitions!keep up the good work.I really like this,with all the feeling you have written here
-
I don't like the herethere rhyme...It doesn't seem to flow in the beginning. Trust and us don't really rhyme, if you might want to fix that?
Just my opinion.
You should probably either pick a rhyme scheme...and try to stick with it...or only rhyme a few things...Again...Just a suggestion. -
Thank you for your heartfelt entry, Josephine
-
distrust is a horrible thing to live with. thank you for sharing your heart with me and i wish you the best of luck in this contest we both have entered. viyanna rosemarie
-
it makes cry a little... such emontions such trust and distrust what a nice little poem
~~Chef W.B.
-
Loved it! Thank you so much for entering, and good luck!
Love always,
~GC -
Okay, so I didn't like that you randomly abandoned the rhyme in some places while in other you pressured the poem to fit into a rhyme scheme. It just really did not work for me at all. I do like the meaning and message of the poem. It is always good to write about emotions. But you really messed up the flow. You should really work on it as it causes awkward moments for the reader when the flow is off. It makes your poem a lot harder to read and usually that makes it less enjoyable
Thanks Nikki -
I like that you have some points to this that no one but you is meant to understand, and other features that are meant for the reader alone to interpret. I like poetry that doesn't tie itself down to a meaning, and that's exactly what you've delivered.
This was, however, a little difficult to read because of those personal references. The one that made me go "huh?" the most was: "We've known each other before we can remember/ Although the world we don't trust since November." Your rhyme scheme could've been a lot neater if you had kept a consistent meter; poetry that goes from ten syllables to eight syllables to fourteen syllables is considerably more awkward on the ears than poetry that deviates between ten syllables, nine syllables, and eleven syllables.
Finally, to take this poem to its fullest potential, I think you could've use a little more enjambment than you did. The end-stopped lines with the commas are good for bounce and rhyme, yes, but tied in with your couplets like you had them, they made things a little dizzying. All in all, I think this was a very emotional write, which, judging by your author notes, was exactly what you were going for. Congratulations, and thanks for entering! -
Trusting others takes much courage, even more so when our trust has been taken advantage of in the past. Very deep write, well done.
-
a very unique poem, i loved it, the imagery and ideas were great. thank you ver much for the entry, and good luck
-
I can't tell you how much I loved this. In a way it was like reading a mystery novel, wondering "who done it and why" but in this case, where did the distrust come from? I fully expected an answer by the end of the poem, and the fact I didn't find it was wonderful. Leaving the poem open makes it relatable to any reader, while at the same time imparting the truth and importance of your last line, and with much power..."Still much is the meaning of You, Me...Us."
I've bookmarked this for future reads. As many contests as this has been in, I wish it had been in one of mine. It reads like a winner, and I wish you the best of luck in the current contest.
Best wishes,
~J.
-
Wow!!
I really like it.
Remember, I am a fool, so if this comment seems off, take that in consideration.
Is Shorted(3): supposed to be shortened?
eachother(5): two words?
tirelessly(9): IMO, bad word choice, but hey, it is
your poem
I really like it, best of luck,
TheDjin -
In concerns to the rules
There are a few things lacking from the author notes in concerns to the rules for this contest, Please amend them. -
I love this poem. Every word floats across the page and it's so deep and powerful. I like how it speaks clearly but at the same time is nebulous in a way in which it's open to personal interpretation.
Trust is something I'm working on developing myself and this this poem was very inspiring, deep and true. -
a wonderfully written poem you have here and i like it, you did a great job keep it flowing and this is just deep
-
Very descriptive indeed and well so well....flowed so beautifully across the page....great job! Keep the ink flowing....smiles, Terry
-
Nicely written poem. Thank you for your participation and will return to leave full comment upon the closing of the contest. Good Luck...Minoo
-
I loved the emotions in thie poem and I'll be sure to leave a more detailed comment after the contest closes for judging. Good luck.
~ Mia
-
right on point
a bit thick in lines, however it does have all the points of a good piece. love the emotional value and imagery highlight.wolffe
-
Beautiful cosmic transendental fabric
I like the flow of this almost as feint music upon the eaves, the description pulls you in and presents it's self! Wonderful verses! I like it much.
--Robert
-
-
thank you!!!
I appreciate the thought, and the complicated words so much,!! I will read one of yours, I'd like to!
-
-
Great Write!
Wow...this poem is beautiful. What an amzing write. i like the flow of the poem. I think my favorit lines were:
Much is the meaning of the word Distrust,
Much is the meaning of You, Me...Us.
Shorted by the cadence from the deepness of our hearts,
Is the fast tap of the distrust in us.
Very beautiful piece. I love the creativity and the usage of vocabulary.
-Brittany
-
i like this one its veary similer to how i feel sometimes.lol
chel -
Thanks for asking me to read this! This is a beautiful poem. It has a very deep but true message to it. It's wonderful! Great imagery here. Keep penning! ~ Kerri
Adding your comment:
1 - 39 of 39
