Wreathed in smoke
A battle ensues
Carnage, destruction
of a sensual kind
My life before me
Set ablaze in a paler shade of grey
And from blackened, charred remains
My foe rises incessantly
The cliched Pheonix rising from the ashes
Taunting me with perverse glee
Coaxing me soothingly
I am falling for a hoax, springing the trap
The bait nothing more than a leprechaun
Wiggling its one fingered hand in my face
Tempting me,
and knowingly I engage the challenge
A battle royale
Led on by the delirious call of this sweet siren
soaking it into the recesses of my fragility
Each riposte parried with the delightful ease
of a puff, a pull, an inhalation of blended balance.
A rounded smoothness resting on my palate
makes me drop my guard for the killing blow.
Author notes
Was just contemplating the perils of smoking and came up with this. Well I must lick my wounds until I battle Mr Peter Stuyvesant and his cohorts once again.
Written October 10th, 2006
A contest entry
- the war in my head by serenity silvermoon.
311 points, ended February 11, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best by Teesa.
300 points, ended February 22, 2007, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Congestion of Options- Ignite the Muse by FunnelWaxFate.
1000 points, ended June 22, 2007, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by HerbalGoat.
456 points, ended May 24, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything At All by Heavenly Angel.
26000 points, ended June 9, 2007, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best/Worst Day Of Your Life...So Far by Death of the Author.
525 points, ended August 25, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Intrigue me! by Jfd.
550 points, ended October 24, 2007, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To smoke or not to smoke by Darkened Seraph.
800 points, ended November 20, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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I love it.....
Ha Ha.....Having been a smoker, and watching my dad, and his mother smoke.....This poem reminded me of the sensualness....and how perverse it is to choose to do so anyway....nice read...ttfn
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This is a very good write, thanks for entering it into my contest. Take care and good luck x
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THis is very deep and poetic, wonderful job, I want to quit smoking just put the pack down once and for all you make me feel disgusting and weak.
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Very creative
Never imagined writing about smoking before so I found this unique
Thank you for sharing -
This piece was full of imagery and truth from many angles! Smoking is a horrible habit to take up, and a difficult one to break. From the surface, we find comfort, but throughout time, the cancer grows through our addictions....it seems as though what addictions help us through the days may be taking away our days. I hope all is well with you and that if you are fighting such an addiction, that you win the battle and war!
Your writing is of so much poetic talent and I could only wish to amount to such. Keep up the great work, thanks for sharing, and good luck in the contest!
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Incredible write! The great aptitude and insight of this poem are amazing. Very intelligent, descriptive, and grasping write! It surges with life, displaying a very unfeigned and powerful image. The wording in this is amazing. The flow is superb. The imagery is brilliant. The lines that I loved the most were, “I am falling for a hoax, springing the trap/ The bait nothing more than a leprechaun/ Wiggling its one fingered hand in my face/ Tempting me,” The poem in its entirety is very well structured, conveying a powerful, emotive and gripping message that arrests the reader. Fantastic write!!!
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Well Done!
Being a slave to the tobacco myself this made me smile and the simple fact that we know we are killing ourselves, yet we continue to do so! Ah the irony
'A rounded smoothness resting on my palate
makes me drop my guard for the killing blow.'
Thankyou for your great write
Luv Tez xxxx
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Hey thanks so much, I'm really chuffed with the praise!
Kind regards
Previn -
WOW this has a major kick to it...can't say much for it nearly left me speechless congrats on winning the gold here
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i think i might indulge in a stick of cancer, why not, we only live forever spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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hey this one's gr8 too...i love ur poetry
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Wow! Your praise humbles me milady. I am but a student of the language. Thank you for stopping by. You're more than welcome to check out my other works.
Regards
Previn -
I tried smoking as a teen and for some reason just didn't like it. I am so glad after seeing so many people suffer through trying to get away from them.
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I was as fascinated by what you had to say about cigarettes in some great metaphors......as I was when I read the name "Peter Stuyvesant". I had not heard it in ages (actually had forgotten it) but knew immediately what it was.I was born and raised in Europe (now residing in USA)<----hence not having run across that name......but anyway, it brought back memories of a very cool looking 13 year old chic or so I thought I was then anyway
My friends and I skipped High Mass........and went to the park , and it was there that I took my first drag.......yes, it was a Peter Stuyvesant. Thanks for the memories
reenie
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wholly sh*t ive no idea how you managed to write all this; your grasp of the english language quite simply astounded me to be honest; id love to know all those words xD
Very well written; i have no criqitue in what to say except for that it was just a joy to read this 'high' level of writing. Very intricately done - bravo and nice job!
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Hi
sorry for the misunderstanding, I never quit. I'm also 'trying to' -
I'm quitting smoking. Not succesfully. But it's a devious sort of addiction. I hate people who tell me they just simply quit. Thanks, that helps alot. You just quit. Fucker.
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Thank you kindly. You're more than welcome to check out my other works.
Regards
Previn -
Great poem, enjoyed reading it, well done
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Too true! Well I've been drinking for 10 yrs as well but have no intention of quitting that. There's nothing like wine, women and merriment, lol!
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I love the line "The cliched Phoenix rising from the ashes" for reasons I cannot fathom at first thing in the morning without food and caffeine.
The way you blend the temptation with the dangers is very good because I do think it's something a lot of smokers face - knowing it's a horrible habit, but being unable to stop. (Hah, I could say the same about drink...)
- Tez. -
Thanks! Peter Stuyvesant is a brand of cigarettes sold here in South Africa. I started smoking ten years ago, quit for 4 yrs and started again. My gf recently quit smoking.
Thanks for the input. -
Thank you so much! Appreciate all your feedback!
Regards
Previn -
I don't remember who Peter Stuyvesant is or was. Could you please tell me? As to the poem, it's pretty good. I've been smoking heavily for a million years, and I don't like to go anywhere without them. I don't give a damn what anybody says. Life is full of stress, and cigarettes help. They suck, but they help. I guess it's as they say: pick your poison. - oce
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Thank you for the comment, I really appreciate the feedback.
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Never have I been a smoker but I assume that you are talking about the need or the draw (at least that's what I pictured) I enjoyed reading this it was full of imagery. Great Write.
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very nice write that you had penned here
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