Tall standing trees shade the hallow myrrh and mead
Witnessing the salt off my back crisp and fall between toes
To the oceans that leave graveyards of youth inside of what is me
What I coax out before judgment
Flatten and fold into something I call my own
Nebulous shaky essence that wallows in saline pride
Wide breaching star shine boils whats to come
Every need stretched out in perfect disarray
Every intent forged in the discernment of the sun
Trepidation shields my unformed, outstretched hand
Within the harbored pockets scattered lightly upon my heart
I wear a frown that frames my formal chin
So before we begin
You know where I come from
Author notes
Written October 9th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Who are you? by kyuuketsuki ai.
350 points, ended October 19, 2006, 37 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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*GOLD*
OHHHH!!....forgive if this sounds overly emotive, but...not only was this just genius in selection of words, flow,...it....is actually making me teary. This is ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!! GOLD
Thankyou for this!!! and bearing your heart and soul with such talent!!!
this was so beautiful...i can't....deep breath...sad too...and ....makes me wish i could just hold and hug you right now....except i'd make your shoulder all wet with my tears...lol
your talent blows me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all the best in the contest....i don't think you need any "luck"....
wml............................Lionslove
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I enjoyed it very much and glad i read it you have great talent this poem should make it in the top 3 of the contest good luck...................WRITE ON ROCK ON READ ON!!!!!!!!
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This like the others have said in their own words is exceptional and very descriptive. You may want to check the spelling of the last word though.
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Great
OMG I love the way you've worded this poem! Especially this line "To the oceans that leave graveyards of youth inside of what is me" it's just a wonderful way of discribing and everything! -
6
This is good. It's always good to know where people are coming from. In their wring or otherwise. I like your style. You write with a passion that is hard to find. -
Excellent write. My favorite lines are "...To the oceans that leave graveyards
of youth inside of what is me
What I coax out before judgment
Flatten and fold into something
I call my own..."
Great job. -
There is nothing to edit in this poem but the line breaks and a few comma/apostrophe items. Oh, and the spelling of mead
Keep full thoughts together. Split the line only at natural transitions.
Tall(,) standing trees shade the hallow(ed) myrrh and mead,
Witness the salt off my back crisps and fall between toes
To the oceans that leave graveyards of youth inside
of what is me, what I coax out before judgment,
Flatten and fold, into something... I call my own
Nebulous, shaky, essence that wallows
in saline pride.
Wide, breaching starshine boils what(')s to come,
Every need stretched out in perfect disarray,
Every intent forged in the discernment of the sun.
Trepidation shields my outstretched hand,
Unformed, within the harbored pockets
scattered lightly upon my heart.
I wear a frown that frames my formal chin
So, before we begin, you know
from where I come.
hope this helps,
df
Edited on Oct 09, 6:47 p.m. because ''.
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