You've edged yourself away from who you were like I am contagious
Is that what you think of your former self.
A thing to hide in the dark corners of the rooms that we once occupied
I haven't heard your voice in so long you'd think I would forget your tone.
But sometimes my memories catch me off guard.
I can hear you speaking the soft syllables of every word that I wanted to hear
A year too late.
The full impact of my regrets hits me like a tidal wave when I see your smile
I'm silently dying inside to be the cause of one of those heart crushing grins
But my courage fails me fast and I can't make myself move towards you.
The brick wall you build between us holds strong
I guess you knew I would be too faint of heart to press through it.
I should have known you to know me better than myself.
Author notes
option 1
A contest entry
- Cut-throat Poetry---A Competition by grm.
2000 points, ended October 15, 2006, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 5 options for the creative poet (12) by bananasfoster42.
525 points, ended April 19, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mildly Melancholy Options Contest by Cavca.
500 points, ended October 23, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The last line kinda confuses me. It actually distracts me from the rest of the poem because I don't understand that last line. In any case, good luck. Thanks for entering the contest.
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i like this. and i think it fits the option well. thanks for entering!
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ditto to all of the above..
this has good potential
well done and thanks for entering
clue:
You edge yourself away
from your contagious being.
what of your former self; thinking out-loud.
A thing to hide in the dark corners;
the rooms that we once occupied.
(only my thoughts)
good luck
G.x -
I agree with both grm and AJ... this has potential, but is quite wordy as it is, right now. With some revisions, cutting lown the lines and playing with this a bit, I think you would have something real good here.
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yes, grm is right... this can be pared down to something quite good, i like it but it is loaded with potential...
very nice...
al -
i kind of like this piece, the ideas and sentiments in it, but i would recommend some judicious editing. it's a tad wordy, and would benefit greatly by some paring down.
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