Step by step,
you took your time,
to state your rules.
And day by day,
you spread your rhyme,
to charm the fools.
And thus, you stood,
a different hymn,
in different schools.
You sway upon the strings of man's desire,
and move so well, between the shades of fire,
but just as when you're strong, and deadly higher,
it'll get you,
devastating,
your attire...
Whatever
treachery you
plan to make,
whatever
darker plots
are at the stake.
I see them through,
your twisted knots,
your kisses, fake.
Your sanctuary's with the sinner's dreams,
a solitude of hate, and darker schemes,
and I have been through all the hurt it seems,
to find myself,
and walk away,
in secret means
You've danced upon the strings of man's desire,
if man be man enough to quench his fire,
we might forget the sinners, and their dreams,
and cast away, the burdens, and the schemes.
Author notes
*To the woman:
who takes pride in every move, twist, twitch of ankle...... I hate you.
*To the woman:
who smiles at the end of the day infront of the mirror, at a reflection of a heart-tormenting beast....................... I hate you.
*To the woman:
who bares no responsbility towards home, husband, and children................................................... I hate you.
*To the woman:
who feels so proud, and so out of space, that all the punks in the world won't fit, and be good enough................. I hate you.
*To the woman:
who hides behind innocence, for deciet, behind obedience, for pride, and behind cries and devilsh smiles for self-satisfaction.................................................
I bunnyIN HATE YOU...
and I went beyond hate,
to write you these.
Written October 9th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
-
AMAZING!
This is so great as a oiece if writing and i dont care who disagrees with ne
excellent
i agree with you fully about these evil kind of women with no god damn souls. As a woman i feel great to hear someone preach aginst this. cheers for this poem
xxx
-
-
erm ... :)
I appreciate your beautiful critique, but this was a very long time ago.
Things change, and people do too.
the only reason I didn't delete this one yet, is that so many here have read it, and enjoyed it.
But if it was up to me I would have kept this one under the sheet, or so they say
I am very thankful nonetheless.
And by the way, I am in no position to preach against anyone..
I was just angry
-
-
Fuckin Awesome
Being a woman, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have written here. I know I am probably going to get bashed to bits here on AP, but who gives a shit. I see them all the time, working in a retail environment in which I deal with customers on a more than daily basis. I see women who use their Lone Star cards (food stamps) to withdraw TANF funds (government issued monies) to buy beer or cigarettes while their children are asking for naught but a bag of chips. There is a woman who comes into our store daily to buy Busch 6-packs and Basics. She is getting her money from her ailing mother who has alzheimer's and has no idea her wonderful daughter is stealing from her. (Who am I? I have said nothing. Am I as bad as she for not speaking?) My ex best friend had a child from a drug dealer. Three years later she had an 'abortion' because she was pregnant with another crackhead's baby. In order to not have to explain away anything or pay for the abortion, she OD'd on heroin, trusting she would kill herself as well in the process. That was around the time I stopped talking to her.
I am not saying that I am better than any of these women. (Isn't it funny how in our minds our sins are not as bad as those of others around us??)
Proverbs 31:10-12 says:
"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."
I think you did a fantastic job portraying your emotions. I did not feel that it was jarring in its verse, I think you did it very poetic-ly. Kudos to you!
Write on!
~*~SP~*~
-
-
I'm in your debt
And woah for all the events that this one piece have triggered !!
Yeah, it's kinda funny how our sins are much lighter in our own heads, rather when displayed.
I believe that what you said doesn not only prove me right about a certain kind of women (whom I find everyday, on the increase)..
but alo proves us to be human, I as man will definitly attack a woman for being filthy or for her abrasion in soceity, another woman would claim me wrong and attack me on the light of the same theory....it's all the same.
And though I really appreciate your brutal honesty and your courage to say what you said (I believe you have your reasons for not telling or compromising another person's already-destructed life, and it's certinly not cowardice, it's obligation towards friends and job confedintialities)
I want you to know that what I wrote here was my own sicknes, my own hatred, and my own (inner justice) which many will not find themselves compelled to.
There is good and there is bad, but in one's fury you find it easier to lash out and do damage, than to sit back and rationalize...
Thank you, and be well, fellow poet.
-
-
What I've seen..
Your poem refers to experience in life as i can see. Hate is a big word and we some times dont realize what it realy means.. You've concentrated so many feelings that you portray in your poem on hate, . It seems to be the centre of your discussion obviously.
why does there gotta be that much hate?!?!?!.. lol ( i donno if wer allowed to use that word around here) ..2e7em.. seemz lyk a very serious place though!!...
nyway.. I just wish that one day your views would change and you'd look for another side of women nature that is incredible and you just dont see it. I dont say that because I am one.. but we gotta learn to see the best of things. and i hope that some day u'l realize that.. .. amazing poem though,
-
-
Ana fe mawqef mo7reg gedan right now
Oooops, should have hidden this one from you..
I hope you can forget the amount of nasty words in here..
It's just..it was one of the very dark times you know..
You are right, I am learning to forgive and forget, and by time I think I'll be able to differentiate between my (outrageousness), and my localised hate ...
You picked the most weirdest of them anyway..lool
(That was cold, and unaccounted for)..
GRRRRRRRR
Why do I have to appear as a monster everytime I try to elaborate my feelings..(sophisticated I guess)..
Nvm, you be well, Poet Princess..
-
-
much applaud
For some reason i seam to agree with you about whatever i have read that you have written...could it be that we have experinced the same things to a degree.maybe.who can tell.we are two diffrent people from two diffrent walks of life.it seams."If being evil means reclaiming my self, and being strong against love and women, then I have to say that I am evil to my very core." But i do not understand about how this can be evil it is merely a way for you to heal because what can be more healing than reclaiming yourself? "thus I remain in my shadows, looking from outside, allowing no intrusion -- devastating..yes, but it enables me to reclaim my scattered manly pride" this i to see as another way to heal from a...yes devastating ordeal but it is not inhearntly devastating...so i do not say that this is a bad thing.but alas this is only my opinion amid a thousand thousand opinions.
I am awaiting your reply.
H. -
-
My friend
Yours was the most close to the point, and the most righteously near..
I am that person who suffers at my own expense, who wails his hate and yet, lives to hate some more..
Sometimes..just sometimes, I think I am addicted to it..
It's a way of life yes..
But to me it's more like a way to live..
(For the time being I guess)
Thank you for your deep analysis and your precious time and comments.
Raven Dark
-
-
I don't know if you know the song, but there is a song by The Plain White Tees and it goes, "Hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like you." Well, one day I changed it singing, "Hate is a strong word and I really really fucking hate you!"
I think this piece has the same sort of emotion and your author's notes are just as powerful.
I think that this poem sheds a new light on your other pieces about woman. It sounds like you've been hurt and seen woman hurt others a lot - yet to meet a woman who changed those views.
Sad, but understandable, because my heart has been recently torn apart and though I don't hate men, I find myself disgusted by things that portray love in a happy sense. Maybe I'm just jealous, but I think it's more than that. Love just seems... jinxed and when you find out you couldn't trust the one person in the world you trusted more than anyone else, who can you trust?
I hope that you find a lady who not only shows you the love you deserve, but that deserves you too.
Keep writing. Interesting format.
-
-
I have heard that song
I also understand the reason of your hate as well.
And I do hope that you don't dwell with it much longer because when you do, you lose track of love, and it becomes quite irrelevant.
Whenever me and my friends strik that conversation up, it is quickly known what I harbor is nothing but spite for the race, and for the love as an entity.
And you'll find me always saying this favorite phrase (Love is a weakness), and then thier sarcasm and jokes will start...but hey.
Hopefuly a light is at the end of the tunnel (or are we even inside one).
I am glad you took this deep dive into my poems, and I see you've chosen the most resembling ones of my personality.
I hope that you find a man who's true t you Frodo...you are a delicate person with a kind heart, and you deserve someone who appreciates you.
Be well,
RD.
By the way, my state is better described with Kelly clarckson's (because of you).
-
-
wow
i jst read this and alot of ur comments and dnt kno wat to say really tht everyone else hasnt..i thought it was really unique and intense..ur hate for this person is just overwhelming..i never learned to hate so i dnt kno how tht feels but i do kno about betrayal and hurt beyong comprehension.i kno how it is to want to hate someon tht bad and how alot of women have those false pretenses..maybe after some have read this they will change..great poetry huni..
-
-
I don't know what to say
Looking back at this now...many things lay unknown to me (will I ever be forgiving again, will I be able to stop the ravaging flow of hate that sometimes consumes me to the very interior of my heart).
Nevermind..
All I can say is, I am happy for you, that you have not learnt to deal with such agony, and such a burning ache that is hate.
It pulverizes the mind, and trackes down any steep of hope of forgivness, then wipe it out...
I just hope it doesn't make me lose more than I have already..
Thank you and be well,
RD.
-
-
My heart feels broken after reading these lines. Not for the women of whom you speak, but for the woundedness in the poets heart. To see beauty is a gift, but to parade beauty is a farce. Many of the comments here are full of some misplaced need to speak for the unjustifiable. The anger and hate you express here is from a true heart of love. To hate a thing that has been perverted from it's original purpose is not evil, it is sensible. Just my opinion. This is another raw and visceral piece of honesty. Peace to you, Raven Dark.
-
-
Thankful
And please..don't be that sorry
this issue has long been past, and I intended to post that poem in order to adjust myself for celebration, every time I read it.
It's to me, more like a date of victory, a parade of waking up, and realising that I still have lots to learn.
I agree that there came a time when I have riseded in hate so long that I became a part of it.
But I guess nature and its wheel can never leave one thing untouched by difference.
I am healing, and I am glad that I am.
Thanks for your deeply heartfelt comment.
RD.
-
-
The eesnce of the eloquence and diplomatic choice of words in the poem reflected in the hard hitting expressions in the author's notes. It made me think of the dark tradition cultivated by Catherine de Medici. Evil has its own malignant geniusses. Thank you for creating and sharing.
U
-
-
Catherine de medici..??
Shamful to say never heard of her, and yes I agree that my comments were harsh and bitter and loathing....I intended them to be.
But being Evil is in exacting revenge..!!
Are we supposed to just pass a momment by, knowing that we loved and been betrayed.
Funny how a woman cheats on her BELOVED man, while he can do nothing, and she eventually gets away with it.
While on the other hand, a MAN should be punished relentlessly for showing even a subtle disrespect to the beauteous queens of our (desperete without you my baby) life.
If being evil means reclaiming my self, and being strong against love and women, then I have to say that I am evil to my very core.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
RD. -
-
Perhaps the metaphor was too strong. In my life I have given all I am (which is what I do in love always) without ever getting in return what I hoped for. Today I will no longer search for love inside a relation. I was fortunate to find my twin soul, but she is - like I am - committed, living ten thousand miles away from where I am. Life is multi-layered and hyper complex - a joy for few, an ordeal to many. Better places and times are ahead beyond the scope of this life in space and time. I hold on to that thought, knowing that life is merely a transient platform to learn and prepare for times to be.
U
-
-
Understood
Everyone has his issues dear poet, but we all -men- cling to what we hold dearest...pride, even we knew it or not.
Eventually it's the one real thing that remains in this ordeal-supplied life.
Thanks again.
Be well.
RD.
-
-
-
-
the poem is quite unique but what you wrote in the author notes box is shoking! *surprise* wao....did you meet all those kinds of women ?...it's quite childish though to judge them without knowing all the details...each has her story and each has her reasons...hmmmm.....
-
-
Well..
Judging never came through childish out-prespectives, it came through grieving experience if that's what you ask, and it's not just mine.
Take your time, and watch, in every house, in highschools, in a swimming pool, even in Tv shows.
It's always we-men- the victims of woman's arrogance and self-satisfactory pursuit of pleasure.
A woman wants to be looked upon as charming, beautiful, breath-taking, and well..to be a sight to see, they are naturally attention-seekers, but I don't mind that, nature has its ways, what I do mind, is my pride being on the verge of insult, and that -dear poet- is one thing I'd die before I see happen.
No woman, no matter how beautiful, nor charming she is, can trip on the sacred and never out-spoken talisman of my pride, I for one am sure about that.
I could be over-reacting, I could be aggrevating a feeling of hatred, but believe me, it's far more than a heart-break that has made that impression.
It's the truth, that many people refuse to see, it's my truth, and till the day I die it will always be.
I am not saying that women are all THAT disgusting to me, all I am saying is that many of them don't deserve tenth the attention men showers over them, to me it's just a plain waste of time.
And as regards to their stories..!! honestly !!! who gives a damn about how an unfaithful woman who tells her tales of remorseless deciet.....I don't.
Thank you for your kind and observative approach, and I am sorry if I have offended you, I don't know you in person, and I can pretty well know that many people will disagree with my point of view, but with all due respect....they just won't know, because they ain't me.
Raven Dark.
-
-
Seems to me she's going to lose the man who really loves her. I'm not aware of the circumstances involved in the storyline nor do I have to know them to feel your pain. I still get a sense despite the harsh, bitter language of your comment that you despise the ways not the woman.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
-
-
Fairly said
You are right,
thanks for the comment.
-
-
"Hate" is an extremely strong noun. It is evident that you have been hurt and now, love is a major task. Time is a healer of wounded hearts. In all actuality, until you remove the hatred, the ability to love, care, trust, endure is lost.
Your poem is solid. It seems sincere. Poetry is a blessed vehicle that can be used to rid ourselves of such extremes as hatred. It is my hope that you not allow your resentments because of one or even a few misleading, and untrusting women to create a poisonous venom toward all women.
As a youngster, a cousin I trusted raped and molested me. Not until I forgave him, did I begin to heal. A man came into my life that allowed me to see that not all men are the same. We have been married for 33 years. My hope is that we meet death knowing that we LOVED!
Your writ is thought-inducing. It is extremely well written mixed verse. It causes the reader (especially the female) to respond to the personal portrayal of a man that was hurt to the tenth degree by someone he trusted. Now I understand why you said "a man against-a-woman" in your response on my poem. That had me confused until I chose to read this poem as a returned favor.
Very well written with passion and heartfelt emotions.
MUCH LOVE ♥
Renee
-
-
*sighs*
You cannot imagine..
Or maybe you did, but I have been dealt the blows from both inside and outside, I do not blame all women, I blame what I can see.
"Women cheating on a ever-labourious and loving husband, who only tries to provide care and passion -- women who take pride in the way they look, so as when a lover passes by he should be matching enough to their (Ohhh so beautiful) faces and attitude, women of all sorts of deciet, who would claim a chance of a better life rather than remain with someone who can only offer love.."
You are right though, about hate..
I shouldn't hate that much, for there comes times where I feel so consumed that my eyes become so dim to the scarce and limited truths which are extinctly left.
I thank you deeply for your detailed insight, I can never repay your favour, and I cannot make no promises of healing either.
When someone like me shielding himself from the world of hurt gets hurt again, it's a sight no one wants to see, thus I remain in my shadows, looking from outside, allowing no intrusion -- devastating..yes, but it enables me to reclaim my scattered manly pride from my lost battles of love and hope.
However, I applaud your strength to forgive, and your courage to share these memmories with a total stranger -- as I am.
Not so many people have that power you contain, especially me..
I mean no disrespect, in fact you proved me wrong today about women (if they be like you that is).
But healing and forgivness are not my kind of things..
Thanks so much for your time, and in depth comment, it meant a lot.
Raven Dark.
-
-
Wow, I find this a fascinating contradiction.... Calling for the death of the sinners, the women this is directed to, and yet it is so full of hate... And I think many people feel hate is a sin as is infidelity....
However that's just my own silly little observation, poetically this is strong and intense. The wording is powerful and not overdone, yet supported by each other.
I enjoyed the rhyming parts as well as the freeversed parts, I find it awing that you can combine multiple styles and yet keep consistency... It speaks strongly of talent.
I enjoyed this very much,
Shirley :} -
-
Thanks
This mixed verse was luckily stable, as for I never tried it but this time.
I think it worked fine, and I intend to combine free verse with metred verse again.
Thank you, you made my day,
Hopes for the best,
Raven Dark.
-
-
Seems that the poems with the darkest edge always are some of the most beautiful.
Perhaps it is merely the fact that emotions breed, giving birth to true poetry. Perhaps it is the ability of poetry such as this to illuminate those we know, and in this case...grateful to not see ourselves.
I enjoyed this...
My best to you...
Mary Ann
-
-
What should I say..
It's the hurt that every person reflects...
and believe it or not..you don't have to be a poet to do so...
You'll kick, scream, cry...
and eventualy you let it go...as another day dies..
As for not seeing one's self...well *sighs*,
I am pretty sure someone out there hates the entity of me like I hated the entity of her....for any justified reasons...
Thank you for you approach, it's much appreciated.
Raven Dark.
-
-
You do have apoint in considering that all we write, is empowered by personal reasons..
but does an opposite opinion change anything,
sure I was alrming, and hostile in my reply, but I only explained myself in a mommnet of fury, and that by no means offended her.
"If thou seeketh justice, then I am not the one to blame for delivering anger, for revenge is a language of the impure, seek revenge first upon thyself, before waging it on others".
I am learning to live with my hate,
and I frankly don't care about what other tortured minds think of me...
thank you for the time, and the effort.
be well, poet.
Edited on Oct 30, 7:37 p.m. because ''. -
(in response to your reply of my reply on your poem)
we all have our reasons for writing what we write. *nods* she writes hers as a testimony of overcoming hardships, not so much as an attack. but as an "i finally did it and i'm proud" statement for herself. she doesn't dislike all men, but more so just the ones who hurt her and thought she wouldn't recover.
it would be the right thing to do, to show her that not all men are nasty, that some can be encouraging.
so i hope you can acheive that with your gift for words! ^__^
-
interesting that i find this poem allpoetry.com/poem/2282635 which seems the complete opposite of your poem's idea. I also agree with teh comment above mine about the french title, it would fit nicely
You were vicious, but with great maturity. No nasty spit-in-your face things, just a biting, angry honesty. Last stanza, second line: "if man be man enough to quench this fire," EXCELLENTLY worded.
-
Good poem
Great poem I loved the rhythm and rhyme!very well written,Great work Lisa K Haslett raytown Mo. -
First I want to say that this mixed verse presented very well.
As a subject it is very strong, so strong in fact that I must make the assumption that this is deep and personal, for in between the lines it is as if one can feel the fire of the hate and the depth of the pain.
As a woman I can only hope that not all women are thought by you in such a way, and that this is strictly up close and personal and that eventual healing will come.
You asked for title suggestions. The only thing that came to mind to me immediately is a French title "Bete sauvage" as in "Savage Beast". That one for me fit both the one or ones this might be addressed to , as well as the savage beast of hate that comes through in the words....
In correct French grammar the e following the B in Bete has an "accent circomflexe" but this pc is not set up for French , and I am not sure if the site lets you use different symbols ar characters to accomplish such. Personally I have titled some things in French without using any of the accents (aigue, grave or circomflexe)
Not offended if you make no use of suggested title
reenie
Edited on Oct 10, 6:00 because 'typo'. -
good
I really like this. It reminds me of someonw I know...
Adding your comment:
1 - 34 of 34
