Your mother was mistaken—
When she named you.
No one can put their fingers in your skin
Leave whorls upon your complexion
But I can’t blame her.
So rare is that foresight.
How was she to know
That you could not be molded?
Maybe it’s my fallacy.
You were already shaped when still you were wet
Sometime after you were taken from the riverbank.
Someone else wound you in coils
And spun you round in circles
Till you were dizzy.
Smoothed you here, pinched you there,
And put you in the flame.
So, when I came to behold you,
You were already someone else’s masterpiece.
Though you were formed somewhat haphazardly,
You were meant to be viewed, not used.
That must be why, when I stretch my hand
Out to you, I hit glass.
Author notes
To a dear friend,
...bastard
Written October 5th, 2006
This poem, I am proud to say, won third place in the Wayne College Poetry contest of 277 entries.
What did you think
Comments
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A re-read has shown me that if I paid mor attention, I may have been able to guess the name for myself.
"You were already shaped when still you were wet
Sometime after you were taken from the riverbank
Someone else wound you in coils
And spun you round in circles
Till you were dizzy
Smoothed you here, pinched you there
And put you in the flame"
Such a shame that I had to have it spelled out for me. Great job pn this though. I still think you're pretty durn clever. Thanks for walking me through it (I feel like a goober for not seeing it myself). You've done a great job here. -
You were the closest yet. Yes, the comparison is clay because his name is Clay. Not so clever now, am i? But thank you for reading and commenting. It means so much to me!
Arielle -
thank you for taking the time to consider my poem. The person's name is Clay, as in ClaYTON. Try reading it now and you'll see I'm not so clever...just able with metaphysical conceit!
Arielle -
Thank yuo for your comments and compliments! The person I had intention of shaping (but,alas, cannot because as i stated, someone else has already made him, namely: his parents) is not me, but my friend Clay. maybe that is more helpful?
Arielle -
Ah, pixiepoetess, I shall put you out of your misery! The name of the person described is "clay". Good guess with the reflection but let me clarify:Throughout the poem I was comparing this person to clay--molded, formed, fired, put on display. The last paragraph:
So, when I came to behold you (to view as one would ina gallery or museum)
You were already someone else’s masterpiece
Though you were formed somewhat haphazardly
You were meant to be viewed, not used ( meant to be asthetic not functional)
That must be why, when I stretch my hand
Out to you, I hit glass (the sculpture is displayed behind glass; i hit a "barrier" so to speak whne i try to extend the hand of friendship)
Thank you for reading!
Arielle -
giggles. nay, not rumplestilskin...but Clay. Thanks for reading.
Arielle -
Thank you for tAkng the time to analyze my poem. This isn't about my reflection but about something versatile. Good guess. Throughout the poem I was comparing this person to clay--molded, formed, fired, put on display. The last paragraph:
So, when I came to behold you (to view as one would ina gallery or museum)
You were already someone else’s masterpiece
Though you were formed somewhat haphazardly
You were meant to be viewed, not used ( meant to be asthetic not functional)
That must be why, when I stretch my hand
Out to you, I hit glass (the sculpture is displayed behind glass; i hit a "barrier" so to speak whne i try to extend the hand of friendship)
Does that clarify? This person's name is Clay.
Arielle
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Well, you said it was a 'he' so unless it's your twin brother [and even then he could not be identical] it cannot be your reflection. I am thinking a sculpture, created on a wheel from river clay. But who or what is not clear.
Anyway, I digress...
I do very much like this piece. It is clever and witty and flows beautifully, keeping the reader's attention until the very end.
Someone else wound you in coils
And spun you round in circles
Till you were dizzy
Really lovely visuals here.
Best wishes
~ PF
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ell, first I thought Pinnochio, but I don't even think Io spelled it right. And then I agree with pixxiepoetess, it's your reflection (if she's right though, give her all the credit. I would have never come up with something that clever.) But if it's about a guy, and your not a guy, it can't be about you....You've succeeded in confusing me more than you'll ever know. I liked the poem, but I'd really like to know the answer to "his name". Thanks and great write
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this poem is great.it makes me wonder if it is you that someone is forming and shaping. are you trying to shape yourself? or are you trying to shape someoneelse? maybe to your own standards. maybe you feel like someone is shaping you and you don't like it. anyway it is great and unique. i've never read a piece quite like it. great work.
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Ok, I may be wrong here, but I read this as you addressing your reflection. I took that to be what "I hit glass" meant. It made the ending extrememly powerful for me and changed the entire meaning of the poem. Is there any way I could find out what the name is? The curiosity will eat me alive.
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Rumplestiltskin? Anyway, great write. Its a lovely riddle.
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I'm guessing that the name of the person means versatile or something similar to that...easily molded, perhaps? I don't know any name that means that however, this is really an interesting poem and a creative way to describe someone, comparing them to glass as well as using the meaning of their name.
My favorite part of this poem is the middle stanza. I'm not really sure why but I think it was the visual imagery that you used like "Smoothed you here, pinched you there/And put you in the flame" or just the way you described the concept of shaping someone's personality like that.
However, I thought the end was a bit abrupt. The other stanzas seem to be a bit longer than the last one and your last line, "Out to you, I hit glass" just seems a bit too incomplete to form a real ending. Maybe you could could expand on your feelings for this person or explain to the reader, more in depth, the parallelism of glass/something that's molded to your friend.
However, other than that, this was a wonderful piece! Really unique and I truly enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
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