You gave me wings you know..
that first day we met
i didnt ask for them
but to you my heart was set
you lift me up higher, than ive ever been before
since you gave me those wings
my feet dont touch the floor
This happiness
is like a drugged up dream
gives me every emotion
and i just want to scream
That day in the city, when i told you we'd fly
at the top of the building
i didnt think we would die
but maybe it was best
as now you can let me go
because you didnt die that day
and a better life you can grow
Author notes
Ok..yeah...i dont really know wat this is.........i jst kinda wrote it in 5 minutes...after reading a poem that my girlfriend wrote..lol yeah its not that good, but im jst gonna put any random stuff i write up n hopefully ppl will comment n maybe shall help me improve.
but yeah, i know the ending is poo but maybe i'll change it later if i can think of something else.
Written October 8th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I really like this. it's really cool!
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loved it girl
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I think that this poem started off kinda simple and plain but then you stepped it up a notch closing at the end. The ending is actually what makes this poem so good to me. It was unexpected til the point that it was revealed. A very good job in that aspect. If you touch up the typos in it and make the 3 line stanzas into 4 liners to ofit the rest of the poem I think this could be an outstanding write. A job well done that could be off the charts with a little revisioning. A very enjoyable read. I especially liked how while one died another got freedom from it.
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Thats not true that it isn't good! Most of the random stuff i do is the best of it. LOL and i'm not very gifted as a poet so I'M NOT WORTH THE CLICK your gf sounds cool and if you'd belelive me i've already checked out her sight. very coolio. have a "asi asi" day!
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I think this is really good...and the ending definitely isn't "poo"!!! Lol this is super sad but definitely powerful and in some ways I feel like I can relate. Good job<3
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I love this poem. I (again) can relate to it. I felt like this with my boyfriend my feet not touching the floor. This is very heartfelt and it flows brilliantly. Although you say your work is poo it really isn't your work is amazing. Keep up the good work
XxStephyxX -
Hey, thanks for the comment!! lol and no i dont mind, i should probably check back on spelling and things like that but im a bit lazy sometimes..lol but thank you. your comments are appreciated.
xXx xXx xXx -
I found this poem a little sad, but it did have the hope of life in it. This is a good poem, but it has a few spelling/punctuation errors, for example, ‘didnt’ should be ‘didn’t’, ‘i’ should be ‘I’ ‘dont’ should be ‘don’t’ and ‘ive’ should be ‘I’ve’. Keep writing, this was a good personal poem
I liked your use of rhyme although I felt a consistent rhyme scheme might help the poem seem more consistent. This was a good poem which overall showed a lot of love
All the best
Pozo
PS I hope you don’t mind the critique I noticed critical comments weren’t invited but I saw you inviting in your author’s comments instead so figured it was ok
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Awwwwwwwwwwwwww so touching and very heartfelt,This will just goes inside of you,angels that has always been you,I'm so glad you met her,This is like a song to me,Just so amazing and beautiful......like you....
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aww, this was awesome!
sad though
as i wouldnt have a better life without you...
just commit suicide again
lol
but anyways...this was written awesomely!!
the words flowed beautifully...and it was really sad
Great poem hun <333
xXx I love you xXx
xXx xXx -Ree- xXx xXx -
this is really good and cute. The figurative language was really good, and usually poems like these aren't my type but i really liked this one good job.
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