The taste of life brings me to my knees
The blood once thawed begins to freeze
And I lay my head in the hands of the devil
As I touch the sentiments on a different level
Longing to breathe without strain
Laying numb I compose this pain
Staring into the most deceptive eyes
Its my life I killed when I believed your disguise
You slapped my face with reasons of mine
Chose the tears and drew another line
Now color them red and paint my face gray
If I live we'll dispute my decisions another day
So I hold out my hands while my soul glows within
You laugh as black magic drains down my skin
Cremate my laughter and sew my lips shut
Pictures I saved burn the person you cut
Gather those ashes and dig a whole deep
Chain them in paper Im yours to keep
Wave at my name. its folded and aging
Through my lifes stairway Im solemnly paging
Crawling with strings sewn into my wrists
You move my arm with a twitch of your fists
Felicia S. Hughes
Author notes
Written October 7th, 2006
A contest entry
- Battle of The Poets Contest! by Previn.
300 points, ended November 10, 2006, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Intense Sentiments by Never Fall in Love.
700 points, ended February 6, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness, Let Me See Your Darkness by AshesFromFire.
700 points, ended July 21, 2007, 79 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Raven Contest: Uncovering Genius in the Written Word by Raven Contest.
14500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The very best you have (ROUND 1) by Xgeekdreamgonewrong.
340 points, ended August 12, 2007, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Chain them in paper I'm yours to keep
Wave at my name. its folded and aging
Through my life's stairway I'm solemnly paging
Crawling with strings sewn into my wrists
You move my arm with a twitch of your fists
I really like these lines they display deep dark feelings of this write.It not overly stated so it gives the reader room to think and feel what is going on in this scene.
I like how you wrote this write. I would not of thought to wrote a write about the devil company. Very creative in nature. Good luck on reaching the final round.
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puppet making poem
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There is a singular obsessive self-awareness at work here even if it is portrayed in a relatively elementary fashion. What I appreciated most about this piece was its frank, unassuming nature. While the subject matter itself may be a bit hard to pin point in specifics, the over all feel is basic and down to earth. This work lacks trickery in the form of obtuse pseudo-intelligence and we can all certainly live with a bit more of that in this new poetic world of seemingly random free verse musings(1).
The short-fallings of this entry (as mentioned before) are found in the reality that we never quite know what is going on. We can follow the line to line to determine an over all feel, but we can never apply that feeling to any substance. Perhaps it is the author's intention to show only a sense, like an apparition glimpsed for but a moment, and if so, well done. But even if that is the case, it serves mostly to confound judging as we are loath to write or make opinion over what which we do not understand in the truest sense possible.
Be that as it may, it is clear that you are proud of what you have written here and I feel no need to tear that asunder. Thank you for your entry.
~Das
1 - Or for that matter, anti-communication done in rhyme. -
From the very first line this poem creates a feeling of complete darkness and despair at life and also a sense of loss of oneself. I personally like the use of rhyme and think in this case it’s been done well and adds something to the flow of this authors work. Some of the lines I particularly like are “And I lay my head in the hands of the devil” as this depicts the lowest level that has been sunk too, and “Cremate my laughter and sew my lips shut” for the intensity of being destroyed. I also like the references towards the end of the poem about pages and being chained in paper as this made me think of life being like a book. I think readers of this work will clearly understand the depth of emotions in it and relate to the strong conclusion.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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I really enjoyed reading this, some very interesting and creative imagery, thanks for the contest entry, sorry for the late judgement
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wow
this is really dark
exactly the taste I wanted
Cremate my laughter and sew my lips shut
Pictures I saved burn the person you cut
great write!
good luck in the contest
~* NeveR *~ -
Wow this is a great poem, conveying your thoughts and feelings scarily beautifully. Good luck in those contests and I hope life does get better for you soon..your poems are great so keep it up x take care always x
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What surprised me most is that no one commented on this poem, its such an awesome piece!!!
Well its their loss I guess. Its amazing what can inspire us to write, and you've brought out that internal voice with strength and clarity.
I love this poem.
So many great lines in here, let see, lemme pick a few that struck a chord with me,
"Laying numb I compose this pain"
"Its my life I killed when I believed your disguise
You slapped my face with reasons of mine"
This whole part was fanf#ckingtastic!!!
"Cremate my laughter and sew my lips shut
Pictures I saved burn the person you cut
Gather those ashes and dig a whole deep
Chain them in paper Im yours to keep
Wave at my name. its folded and aging
Through my lifes stairway Im solemnly paging
Crawling with strings sewn into my wrists
You move my arm with a twitch of your fists"
Great stuff and definitely keep it up.
Sorry for the late comments but this contest has been damn near impossible to judge, all the entries being so awesome.
Kind regards
Previn
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This poem is about being depressed and unable to tear yourself from such a perminent situation. Questioning life and its so called perks. Being tempted by the devil and being sucked into sadness, and how hard it is to challenge those feelings.
I wrote this to release my frustration with life and all the things that put up a struggle. I know things will get better but sometimes it makes you wonder.
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