There's mist in my head and weights on my eyes,
The world is pulling me down.
There's bags on my eyes and my skin is pale,
My soul is fading away.
There's razors in my pocket and scars on my wrists,
Secrets no one asks me to tell.
There's hope in my heart but it's fading away,
Hope I am too tired to grasp.
There's scars on my hips and words on my lips,
Neither shown to the world.
There's a mask that I have and wear everyday,
It's starting to wear a little thin.
My pulse is strong and a little too fast,
So why am I moving so slow?
I'm not bleeding but still I'm dying,
How is it that nobody knows?
Author notes
please leave a comment, even if you just say whether it's good or bad....
Written October 7th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow,
You know this poem actually spoke out to me on so many levels like you wouldn't believe.
" There's hope in my heart but it's fading away "
That line spoke to me the most. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I liked this alot.
-Mandi
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really well penned. very sad. well worth the read.
blu
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It's good.. "I'm not bleeding but I'm still dying." I like it. :
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thank you
that's my favorite line, actually
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This is very strong and emotional. I really like this. I hate feeling like I'm fading away. This is really sad. The last few lines are especially powerful.
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thank you. of my poem, this is probably one of my favorites
thanks for commenting
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Wow, I definitely enjoyed the content of this poem. It is emotionally torn and intense, and in that respect most people, including myself, can relate to this. I liked the wording and structure of this piece, it seemed... original despite the fact that this theme is commonly used. The way you expressed the mask, was brilliant, and I truly commend you on that. I also liked the ending of a question, that emphatical tool, is very vital to poetry. Well done poet!
I notticed a few subtle grammar errors, but nothing too serious.
Things you might want to revise;
"There's razors"
The word 'there's' really means 'there is'. But in that sentence it should be 'there are'; in other words the line should begin, 'There are razors...".
The same principle goes for;
"There's bags"
Grammatically correct this line would say;
"There are bags".
Some of the line capitalization isn't needed, but that's not a very big deal, and I often capitalize all of my lines... So overall this is well written, and the emotion is well-expressed.
I'm off to read the other poems you sent me!
Best wishes and many blessings, fellow poet,
Shirley
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I think its wounderful and powerful.
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I'm not really a big fan of emo-type poetry anymore, though I used to write myself. But this was one beautiful poem. I loved it. The emotion was raw and brutal. Write on. ~*~SpydurPoet~*~
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Secrets no one asks me to tell.
i love that line
it hits me hard
this poem reminds me of what i'm going through
*flying* -
APPLUAD
Wow.. powerfully, great. I really like this piece. I wish I could give you and appluad but I used mine all up today.. But heres one that isnt real lol APPLUAD
I really like the last stanza it is the best and most meaningful one and it is a great way to end this great piece of writing. The line "The World Is Pulling Me Down" is also good. It is strong. Great job!!
ps, i will try to remember to come tomorrow to give you one
lol
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