I travel long the Hollywood strips to find a heartless soul,
dealers turning left and right it has grown out of control.
Another day another place it all just seem's the same;
more addictions I come by with year's towards dying age.
I frolic indiscriminately down cluttered crooked streets.
something to fill--the something, that makes me incomplete.
mimicking the magazine's--hooked on Hollywood's scene,
I'm dry I'm broke out of smokes'--a developing routine.
I'll go to where the city lights illuminate the sky.
tell me where, I'll go there--to obtain a steady supply.
to walk with me in you're company, my mind would be at peace.
my heart will give all it's love, for this pain will soon release.
now your lost and I'm in too deep, fading reality away...
'down the left--first door to the right, is where the skeleton lay's.'
broken bottles upon my door imprisoned in a room.
shards of glass and crimson rage--form to build this tomb.
Author notes
so much for this to be only for him.
well it looks pretty hopeless and my love to weak for him.
he could never want me im too broken to fix.
Written October 4th, 2006
A contest entry
- So This Isn't A Great Title x♥x [Contest] by E t e r n i t y.
500 points, ended October 21, 2006, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Its always Rainin' in my Head by A.N. Divine.
450 points, ended January 23, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is truly sad. Its relatable. Brutal Write.
-C. -
haunting (in a shitty way)
i know the feeling,sorry you do too.
-cheers -
Very Good
On the language level this is excellent, sure you could pick on the punctuation and English but I love the creative use of lanaguage and there are many poetes who know how to use grammer and such - but can't use their imagination.
I think is superb - skills like English can be learnt - this kind of writing can't, it is a natural talent.
James
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i felt the pull of addiction as i read this
if that was your intent it worked well 
i also see the emptiness of losing someone you love due to that addiction.
well written poem, well said thoughts. -
A strong, beauitful powerful poem. Can have so many meaning depending how you read it, when you read it or just the way you look at it. The immageary was great, It was so clear and made the poem so deep and beauitful. well done with this one, it was a success
Well done
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great stuff
very interesting write.i loved it.i would never have known this was about a him.i was thinking drugs.it was a very clear and accurate portrait of many years ive spent as a heroin addict.it seems to me you must have an intimate knowledge of such things.i really loved your imagery in this.it was spot on perfect.reading this was like a walk down memory lane or deja vu or some such thing. -
this is good
it's very realistic yet you've left enough room for the reader to fill in gaps with their own thoughts or experiences
you would definitely get more readers if they didn't have to highlight in order to read this your poem is too good to not be read because of font color
Edited on Oct 06, 6:36 because ''. -
aweeeesome!
so powerful.
i loved every bit of it
ye it did KINDA have a rap thingi going on -
I know I can highlite to read your poem but perhaps you can change the colour of the typing so readers don't go out as soon as they go in. Personally I did the highlighting but usually I just go out. Anyway, hope you are not offended. This piece is absolutely fantastic and I loved each and every word. Powerfull and remarkable. Well done
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Although the color contrast suits the content of the poem, it makes the words harder to read than if the colors were more clearly contrasted. You might consider black text against white background as a backdrop or something like this that clarifies the text a little more. I noticed a few typos here and there. However, the images in this poem really bring out well the subject matter and theme that you want to illustrate. I also liked the internal rhyme that you had here and there in this poem. It has a "rap" sort of sound to it which I thought is perfect for the subject matter. Well done!
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wow this was a great piece!
i like how you were veryvague in these lines...
"I frolic indiscriminately down cluttered crooked streets.
something to fill--the something, that makes me incomplete."
"something"-- as in like drugs? makes me wonder what kind
i also liked your last stanza...
"now your lost and I'm in too deep, fading reality away...
'down the left--first door to the right, is where the skeleton lay's.'
broken bottles upon my door imprisoned in a room.
shards of glass and crimson rage--form to build this tomb."
the imagry was amazing and so dreadfully wicked!
thanks for sharing this and keep up the writing!
♥ Lynn
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Wonderful !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This write is awesome and so wonderful. There is always light. No matter what you think. I've been a drug addict, hooked on cocaine. Been down the nasty streets, won't travel there again I said, but I did, and learnt my lessons. Now I'm complete, the scars are there, but the lessons are learnt. I have found so much wealth in my connection the God. No freaky shit, just the love that I connect to. I asked and begged and realised I had closed the door to everybody and eveything. My choice. My fault. I'm sorry if i'm rambling on. Love this piece. My heart goes out to you! and whoever else.
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thanks for your comment, lol however, my title says dont read...i wasnt finished with this piece i dont even know if i wasnt to keep it posted if and when i do finish it.
anyways, i'll let you know when it is done if you would like to read the rest.
take care dear friend,
♥
~SomeoneNobodyLikes -
sounds like the (familiar)restless mundane tragedies of everyday life in a hopeless existance.
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