Every day we see it.
Every day we feel it.
Every day we touch it.
The hard marble of a tall building.
Different shades of black, grey, silver.
The vibrant colors of the rainbow on flowers.
Bluebells, Red roses, Purple violets.
The deep blue of the ocean so clear.
Look around you.
See the people.
Listen to the shrill of the train whistle.
The engine that was built for track 49.
Walk down a street and see the new fall fashions,
Spring,
Summer,
Winter...
The plaid skirts, the french white blazers..
It's the words we read each day.
The beautiful flow of them.
It's the color of the marker we just used.
Royal blue, blood red, canary yellow, or sea green.
It's the knowlege we have always known.
The chair we use to sit in.
It's plush leather exterior.
Some as black as night,
Some white as pure snow.
We all have felt it.
We all have heard it.
We all have tasted it.
And we all have seen it.
Progress
Author notes
Written October 2nd, 2006
A contest entry
- What Does it Look Like? by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended October 13, 2006, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Well, the first thing I notice is that you don't know the difference between showing and telling. Let me explain it if I can.
The hard marble of a tall building... this line tells. To make it show would be to describe it without using the word building:
Marbled pillars rise into the sky
Okay, I am sure you could do better than that, but it is just a quick example. I'm not going to critique the whole thing, but I hope that gives you some idea of how to show rather than tell.
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