Dearest reflection, this question I ask;
why have you abandoned your reverent past?
Dearest reflection, this query I pose;
Why have you altered? Or do you not know?
You once were a maiden, unladen with lace,
A natural beauty your manner once graced.
Your figure was regal, your conduct was true,
Oh dearest resemblance, what happened to you!?
You once were the woman refinement adorned,
Who over the death of chivalry mourned.
Your dreams were the substance the world has not found,
Since the fine Scottish kings on Iona were crowned.
You once were untouched by the world and its view,
Of what is true beauty, Twas not painted on you.
Tell me my friend, have you also with truth,
Abandoned the things that once made you, You?
There was never a need to be seen as the rest,
No desire to be loved but for the heart in your breast.
Tell me where are you? Where have you now fled?
Have you left me to face this, alone in your stead?
Have I been awakened to guard and conceal?
Or am I the face of the loss of what’s real?
Dear friend do not flee do not leave me for long,
I need your old honor and faith to be strong.
I seek in remembrance, the glow you once owned,
To brighten this face, now colder than stone.
Return if you dare youthful innocence’s face,
And fill me again with your elegant grace.
For this face I now bear, I can not fight,
Till you return to your past, and redeem your plight.
Author notes
2007RC005
A contest entry
- Dark Intensity by Lone Defender.
600 points, ended February 9, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - More than just a pretty face... by aligurl.
625 points, ended February 25, 2008, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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You once were a maiden, unladen with lace,
A natural beauty your manner once graced.
Your figure was regal, your conduct was true,
Oh dearest resemblance, what happened to you!?
I love this part. It's so easy to read and follow. You truly do have talent and I wish all the best in the world for you. -
THANK YOU FOR ENTERING MY CONTEST
You must forgive my tardiness as I've had comp issues in judging! Thanks, good luck!!!!!!!!!!
(Well done!!!!) -
Oh , this is a stunning piece lassie.
This makes your comment on my work all the more valued.
Articulate with well placed wording.
Thank you for taking time from your life to read my work.
My Irish grand ma use to tell me...
Lowell!!
Write something grand,
for you may be
entertaining Angels,
Unaware.
She was always right.
Many many blessings child,
LOWELL POE.
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WOW!!! Absolutely amazing... I'm speechless. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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Excellent!!
This is an excelent composition which is well versed and structured---It's flow is to perfection and a pleasure to read! You've done yourself proud!
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Its funny that the poet below me mentioned those lines, because I was just about to comment and name them as my favorite lines. "Or am I the face of the loss of what's real?"
FINALLY someone who can write in rhyme and manage not to lose the rhythm or beat- this is, in my opinion, exceptionally well-written and eloquent.
However, one of the requiremnets for the contest was that you were not already awarded gold, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to DQ you. I'm sorry- good luck with this piece in other contests and congratulations on your win!
~Cordelia
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This is a well written poem, but I'm not sure what you mean when you say
"Have I been awakened to guard and conceal?
Or am I the face of the loss of what’s real?"
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Intensely written
Too many people see the change in their reflection way too late. Beautifully written and sad imagery at the loss of self truth and awareness..... our images change... better or worse up to you
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Astounding..
Pure and eloquent. Perfectly well defined. This is a poem that can withstand the test of time. Overall great job. Your rhymes your style it all was superbly brought together. Excellent, excellent. Write more. All in all this poem is beautiful and spectacularly done and is the very essence of what poetry is. Congratulations and thank you for writing this poem. Why? because that has given me the opportunity to read this masterpiece. Thank you once more.
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wow... this is really awesome... i hope you win more award for this... it deserves it
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The topic of this poem is one that I think most readers will be able to relate to as at some point in out lives, and age having little bearing, we have all looked into a mirror and asked ourselves about what we see reflected back, what has gone, changed or could be possibly be resurrected, not only in looks but in character and mannerisms too.
I think the flow within this poem is good in general though the last two lines are slightly longer and have a harsher sound than the rest of the poem, but I feel this doesn’t detract from the pleasure of reading the poem. The rhyme is also good and my preferred style, but again, there are a few areas where it feels a little forced, for example in the first four lines and lines fifteen and sixteen. I personally found reading this had an easy ‘jog along’ feel and I came to the end before I knew it. I think there is only one minor spelling issue which needs looking at, Scottish should have a capital letter.
I think the real strength of this piece of work lies in the use of repeated questioning, colloquial language and good imagery which has been interspersed throughout the poem, yet not over done. My favourite lines are “There was never a need to be seen as the rest, / No desire to be loved but for the heart in your breast” because I think they reflect a reality that many people view in life.
I can clearly see why this poem has already earned a trophy. I feel it is interesting, easy to read, relatable and well thought out.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Very good write
I enjoyed reading your poem very much...eventhough I usually do not read long poems this one was okay... I have problems with my eyesight so reading the dark purple on the black was a little difficule but I did okay... this write is very deep and steams with essence of the poets brillient imagination.... It is unique.... One of the necessary qualities, I feel, for a true poet to posess.... excellent choice and flow of words... A very good write...
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your rhyming is pretty good and your flow smooth. congratulations on the well deserved gold. thank you for sharing this with me. viyanna rosemarie
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i see a good poet this poem is elegantly penned i see it as a love poem yes? is it for someone at all if so why good luck in my contest
OMG this is gonna be a hrad judging contest for me tooo many good poems now a -
Wow, now that's what I call perfect poetry! The flow and rhythm and rhyme are incredible. Congratulations on the gold... you sure earned it!
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This is the poem I wanted when I made my contest.
Rhyme, form, and intensity. The author has managed to offer exactly what I enjoy most about poetry.
Just noticed that the option number isn't in your author's notes. Do me a favor and toss that in when you get a chance.
Best of luck to you,
...Will -
Oooh, I really like this! It's a great piece, and it's different from the kinds of poems that you normally read. It's funny, but there's something in poems about reflections that always gets to me... anyway, great job, and your style is awesome. Reminds me of my own style... only like, a million times better!
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wow tht was briliant..i love ur style of writing
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Outstanding
This was an outstanding write, you had incredible flow, this piece was enchanting, just carrying you through on a magical ride of imagery, fairytale and realistic inner thought... you did a great "mirror, mirror on the wall" concept. I think this really reaches in deep as you read through and is just thought provoking as we imagine standing in review of our reflection reaching in to pull out what has been hidden deep... almost a rejuvenation! I could go on and on with how this poem captured me, but I am pretty sure at this point you know I loved and recieved a message, whether that is the message you sent or not... it is the message I recieved. Keep up the outstanding work! You are certainly a talent and I look forward to reading more of your writes ~Tia -
Wow, this is actually a great write. I had almost given up hope on finding any talent. Thanks for not letting me down
keep up the great work
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Well, done and thank you for sharing. I think you did an outstanding job on this poem. Another magnificent poem to your collection. This is a great poem. I love it all... the poem, the background, the topic....it's all great. there is a depth and undertone to this that goes and flows excellently. keep writing......you have a lot to offer. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways. You rock....
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