Get outta’ here with that love shit,
I’m a guy. Whatta’ you want me to do,
get all luvy-duvvy or somethin’?
Jeeze!
I can’t stand that crap!
All goggley-eyed and all,
just give me a friggin’ cook
an’ I’ll make the money…
Now that’s not to say girls aren’t smarter than guys,
in most things…
so why can’t they figure us out?
We ain’t complicated,
for Christ’s sake!
Now if girls were smart,
they’d play the ‘forever’ game a bit different-
for one, ya gotta’ just say it,
for Pete’s sake!
It goes like this,
“You want this, ya’ gotta’ commit to me- FOREVER,
you jughead!”
See? That ain’t so hard, now is it,
for crying-out-loud!Beats getting’ bopped by every Tom, Dick, and Harry
who don’t give a shit about you,
now don’ it?
What? What if he says “No”?
Then he ain’t worth a shit, now is he?
Man, I’ll tell you,
your heart sure scrambles your brain in these matters,
and you bein’ the smarter sex an’ all…
(20 years later…)
Hey, I made the orthodontist appointment
on her PSAT day, she should be out in time,
and we need to get the paperwork started
for her un-timed status for the SAT tests…I'm cooking stir-fry tonight when I get home from work,
I hope your day at work went well...
and did you IM your son? He’s thinking about
dropping out of ROTC- he claims he doesn’t
like all the uniform regulations, but I know what it is-
it’s the stress of being at a liberal college-
like that crazy 60’s guy who walks his dogs there
and who yelled, “Hey you, in the uniform.
BABY KILLER!” Isn’t that rich! A liberal yelling
“Baby Killer”! Now if he yelled that to me
he’d never hear the end of me… the friggin’ 60’s retard.
Author notes
"60's" refers to the 1960's in all it's social splendor... and I am not knocking it totally!
A respond to “cliché” and “uncreative”.
Cliché? In certain isolated aspects, perhaps, like the initial chauvinistic tone, the slang in the beginning… but those were tools to set up the second part; taken as a whole, the piece should ring in your ears for some time, as it goes against the grain of today's ruling liberal mindsets.
As for creative, I drew deep from within my personal life, and employed my talents of originality and creativity, as usual, I borrowed from no other artistic sources, I merely reflected life itself. If similar works exist it is due to parallel thinking.
As for this particular piece, I used the obnoxious contest introduction and title and the mood that it inspired as sources of inspiration! (and boy was the contest introduction obnoxious…) (and since my piece was removed from the contest, you’ll have to imagine what it was like… but let me offer some help: the words ‘pompous’ and ‘obnoxious’ are good for starters!)
Now I can only conjecture why my piece was removed from the loathsomely introduced and titled contest it was entered in- let me count the possible reasons:
(1) The poem was so bad it just had to be remove it, for I am a bit rusty, not having written much of late; but that is not likely, considering the other entries were of like quality; and the poem did not break any contest rules. Perhaps the contest host found the poem shocking and mocking...
(2) The contest host may have been a religious/conservative type offended by the poem’s profanity- and for that I would apologize, but considering the abhorrent introductory tone the host employed, I doubt that the host holds either of those sets of values...
(3) The contest host could have been a self-is-God liberal-tyrant who is intolerant of conservative views (and won’t admit it), and who was insulted by the poem’s conservative values, and, with the last line of \“friggin’ 60’s retard”\ ringing in her mind, deleted my entry.
(4) The host could have had a preconceived image of me, and received an entry that did not live up to that image, or dismissed it out of hand due to an unflattering image!
Whatever the reason, let me explain the piece, for it has many levels that can be easily missed due to the piece’s abrasive opening scene, which has been abused by cliche-driven writers:
The first level- was my reaction to what I saw in a dreadfully introduced and titled contest.
The second level- the character’s change from low-class chauvinist pig to acquiring a modicum of liberal tolerance and decent middle-class working values; or, as glassangel commented below, “the evolution of man”.
The third level was political, of course. I am guessing that I touched on a few liberal tyrant’s nerves in the beginning and at the end.
The fourth level consisted of conflicting social values existing side-by-side- the conservative Christian values- commitment to one woman, seeing through liberal hypocrisy, the work ethic; then the liberal Christian values- tolerance of the wife working, the man actually cooking dinner, and the man being actively involved in the family and kid’s lives rather than being a distant bread-winner.
The fifth level reminds women who that most guys are not romantic by nature, therefore do not have high expectations, and disappointment will not so easily follow. It goes further, and way beyond cliché, when the man gives actual sound advice to the woman being addressed rather than simply trying to use her and dump her, and it is also non-cliché where the woman turns and successfully uses that advice on its giver, and where it jumps ahead 20 years later.
The first part of the piece I drew from my social values, the second, from my 20+ years of marriage and from specific personal experiences that are embedded in the second part of the piece.
So the piece about a man who is caught up in his chauvinist culture, realizes he is basically a jughead, gives sound advice to a woman who then uses it successfully on him; and it reveals his change over the course of 20 years. It also eflects the social upheavals of the past half-century in Western civilization.
Written October 2nd, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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OK, you may be right, maybe not... so if you don't mind, and if I can get a piece in on time, I'll attempt a more subdued, thoughtful, vulnerable, sensitive, and revealing entry... oh damn, 7 hours to go! and I teach a class tonight... that leaves me only a few hours... now do I have anything stewing in me that is worthy, that is the question... I do have thoughts on religion and politics at the moment, but no, those are letters to the editor of my local liberal rag calling itself an objective news source, and I believe your judges are more into relations... I'll have to do a bit of research on that... if it's liberalism you want to hear, then cram it!
Edited on Oct 10, 4:54 p.m. because ''. -
thanks, suseann, oh poetry aunt... I'm not knocking the 60's totally, tha would be unfair! But when the kookie side rules the land, it is time to rebel! (once again!)
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try reading some of the entries, and you'll see you are mistaken all the way around.
as for 'deep and profound,' try reading the judges' work and realize yours is about as deep and profound as cellophane.
i have read things by you that were quite good. this isn't one of them.
the contest title and splash page were obnoxious on purpose...in the obviously futile attempt to scare off crap entries.
have a nice day. -
thanks for giving me a chance here… sell-out? perhaps, change? definitely! The politics- I voted for Ralph Nader the first time... lol (anything but politics as usual...)
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thanks for the critique, sorry my piece didn't make the grade... but that was what was inspired by your contest! I did make it deep and profound, but that was missed due to the opening tone... and some sage advice- don't expect the best writing to be entered into your contest with that obnoxious introduction and title you have- you'll only attract the shallow and greedy! Your challenge did spur me to explain the piece in my author's comments... as for entering another piece- it would only appeal to my shallow and greedy...
Edited on Oct 07, 10:05 because ''. -
ah the evolution of man...you captured it brilliantly...hahaha. unfortunetly not everyone gets past the "jughead" stage...but anyways, amazing job my friend!
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oh dear, oh dear then we dear lady can no longer associate...LOL, and I voted for the idiot the first time.
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wbiro
it started a wee bit stereotypical for me, and the title just a tad obvious, but I gave it a chance.
I liked your natural tone and uncoventional non queens english, it made it seem better.
Probably the thing that put it over the top was the sell out guy ending, like look I ain't so tough and boy was I just full of piss and vinegar.
thanks for sharing. -
LOL... This is an awesome poem ap daddy!!! keep up the interesting work!!!! I really like this one!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
i find this gimmicky. i've also heard the same story too many times---the treads have worn off that tire. i think you could dig a little deeper in your orginality bag and come up with something a lot better.
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fantastic!
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Well,at least we were movers and shakers.Might of moved everything the wrong direction.But hey,beats following like sheep to slaughter.Innocent as we were in comparison of the kids today.This groovy fab right on piece doesn't surprise me at all,not! Great write my lil' younger friend.~~Suseann
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