Hyper drive disengaged
Early for Rendezvous
Anti-matter properly en caged
Blue planet coming into view
Remote viewing; time to kill
Gladiators battling; what a thrill
Out the window grass is tall
Bartles and James in the freezer to chill
Outbound excursion, twin rotor
Zero-turn Grass disruptor
Point Energy motor
Arachnids and Orthoptera
Fleeing in terror
Swoop up hill and soar
Loops and swirls, figure 8
Tired of process on the plate
Going to when this crucial race
For all the time cooped in Espace
Solo rendering of propagation
Needing more of affirmation
Clatter of pebbles too near the drive
While my turf is skinned alive
Sipping ice, I sit aloof
From the vantage of the roof
To see the art that I have made
Swirls in sun, ripples in shade
Why must a good job be so pristine?
And obliterate my geometric scene?
Author notes
Keep your dreams, Vera. Stay detached and serene while the Chemotherapy brutally battles for you.
Written October 1st, 2006
Option 3.
A contest entry
- Cancer Decision by aslanlight.
500 points, ended February 24, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding? by Aphroheidi.
721 points, ended July 11, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Circles - BIG POINTS!! by CelticQueen.
1500 points, ended September 9, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cancer [PWs Allowed] by LeilaJayne.
400 points, ended October 17, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ode To The Twilight Zone by skilter.
775 points, ended November 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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thank you.
Lane
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too cool and relaxing of a read, i let my imagination run wild with this one. thank you.
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Thoughts while mowing the lawn! Oh, sorry, while creating crop circles!
Anyway, thanks for entering. cq -
Hyperspeed through a poem rich in comfort and battles faced. I like the image of the roof, the necessary detachment that allows a full view. Sometimes we have no way of knowing what we have created until we detach enough, climb up onto the roof.
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UGH, Ummm, AWESOME!!!
I'm sorry...there are a lot of entries and this is my first contest...I am trying to be fair and read them each in line as they came in...which I am still doing. I have to say, however, that this one...ummmm, ugh! There is no way that anyone could understand...you don't even know me!!!!
This, no matter how I end up judging my contest (I have not yet read all of them), is AMAZING!!! I have just overcome my third series of treatments...this is so inspiring!!!!!!!! Thank You!
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Thanks for your entry - great rhyming and mitre and fascinating imagery - loved it
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Greetings Joy. On crop circles on a random planet- It was written to honor Vera Rich in her cancer battle. I thought of the task, while mowing the grass, and used the mowing as a metaphor for the brutal technology of chemotherapy and radiation, with the earthereal parts; looking out window, looping and soaring, the attempt to find a place to go, uplifted perspective mentally while in process (on the plate). It begins, arriving early for a treatment of radiation (anti-matter encaged). Cobalt Blue is a radiation machine. Vera had to put off liquid comfort, hence Bartles and James in the freezer to chill (saved for later). It is about the loss of art and mundane tasks being too exhausting; sitting, nauseated slowly surfing the internet for something...(time cooped in Espace). The machine kills the good with the bad (Arachnids and Orthoptera), and crop circle, and turf skinned alive, are metaphors for loosing your hair from the treatment. If sipping ice is the best you have to look forward too, its a pretty screwed day; and the roof represents optimism, with danger of falling. "When the race" is dual; optimism and uncertainty. Clatter of pebbles- reminded me of time spent in an Magnetic Resonance tube with all its rattles, clatters and thumps I found frightning, which is as close my experience has come to what I understand patients go through. The space metaphor is hoping for a futuristic time when cancer is cured. Thinking of the battle to maintain sanity, I steered my mower in a maniacal way, thinking my pathways random. Finding from the perspective of the deck and then the roof, taking a break, sipping my icy Bartles and James Fuzzy Navel, that the pathways in the grass were surprisingly pleasing... Knowing convention insisted I must trim it all pristine, like in the border.
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i love the imagery in this poem, i am a massive science fiction fan, many many books here - a great poem. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
Edited on Oct 17, 5:37 because ''. -
this was really different. interesting. i like the title, original. drew me right in. as for the poem, i probably didnt follow it completely...but i enjoyed anyways. good luck in the contest.
i also enjoyed your authors comment.
blu -
crystaldust 08-10-06 16:14
Now I know why I've never come to terms with outerspace writers - you are all far too clever for me to catch up. However I loved what I could understand of your poem - probably about 60% by inference to my own cosmic understanding. Maybe I'll try for it next time round, though I have high hopes of not having to come back again, perhaps because I don't think I'll recognise anything of what the next precession will leave.
Keep writing and sharing with us: there's always a chance I may catch up before I leave earth.
blessings of whatever kind you wish for. Joy
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A unique corrralation between the sufferings of chemo and it's random attacks on the body and soul. mister breeze
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This is a really interesting fantasy piece... and apart from the off-beat rhyme disruptor/orthoptera (which grates a little on my cisatlantic ears), the prosody is well handled...
Sorry, I cannot really go into a detailed critique at the moment... But I do like this very much indeed... -
hell ey gots thu reel xplunashion fer dem crop cerkles. mi unkel lieks to driiv his john deere trakter wen he is drunk. he is allwaaas drivin rownd in cerkles and sangin dem songs bout perty womin and coon dawgs. of coorse heer in alabama thay look thu saam.
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deercatcher (don't want to be just thrown stuffed toys),
the judge's homepage is sympathetic for timing when can have any trophying as an Im to her was publicized summarazizing a special readership this for her, reprinted there I suppose as a reminder on a fridge so to speak. But above this were snack entances not too enthralled with her iller self so she was probably looking for something easier.
The # of words you used now might have trimmed the rerading to two if you put such perception into author's comment, very insightful about "Thought of all the mundane things (Like mowing) she wouldn't be strong enough to do. And of all her art she doesn't have the strength yet to complete."
Regarding weaving a fantasy, infantile is not what we're left with but just as even while walkers we don't know how to direct ourselves, Jeremiah 10:23, so sppech can either go pessimistic or optimistic for this very celestial circler of the sun depending on if we nuclear threats etcetera won't make that unclear. Isaiah 48:17 has us not stop being nautical on the "blue planet" though we've devised astronaut capacity because the earth was not made for nothing but even to be inhabited. Proverbs 30:4 had a lining up with a need to know the maker and his son, as we are made in their image, Genesis 1:26.
And today I was the cheeriest to remember Isaiah 9:4 as this son of God would be our Eternal Father if turned to rather than the charlie horse run Adam gave by leaving the King of Eternity. 1 Timothy 1:17 is for consentment not resentment.
Psalm 90:2 has no undermining of him, time indefinitite to time indefinite, but a human with a modicum of time that can know him will have beams as a Psalmist to know a day with him is as a thousand, strengthener, but what was it for who could have millions exponetially potentially and gave it away.
So promises have been woven and from Jacob that had 12 children the AKA Israel was known, but later with that sorely last minute abandoned to affirmation away from a kingdom not from base sources, own power would be to re-peruse spiritual Israel that had already started 12 apostles adoptively picked by Jesus, even Paul by the resurrected one sequeling the betraying one's story line. So we have a Kingdom smessage spreading and 144000 to be the unifiers throughut that time, would accumulating with the Christ [Revelation 14] for the last days to dwindle to the beautiful new world... not tritely reiterated, the meek are to inherit the earth. Psalm 37. It's not neutered as the heavens weren't by Satan Revelation 12, thus the one-will accomplishments of 2 Peter 3:13 soon.
Is subservient to that enough space travel of just prayerfully knowing a sender of help, which fits understandings of endurances when raves can't be but to enslavement that isn't robotic just of flesh but reflex. John 5:5:28,29 is with refills that won't be little miracles for such judgment with marvelousness not of another location, correction is to be.
Psalm 115:16 is a navigator but in margins of "But the earth he has given to the sons of men," not Pluto etcetera!?
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Judge dumped my poem. Apparently symbolism doesn't count. I thought of vera, as I mowed the lawn. Thought of all the mundane things (Like mowing) she wouldn't be strong enough to do. And of all her art she doesn't have the strength yet to complete. Of how many people get "mowed" down by cancer, and how it is a battle, with chemotherapy mowing the spiders of cancer. And through it all I tried to weave a fantasy of space travel. Hoping by then, by that time, we will have defeated cancer.
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deercatcher (unguarded they can be in outer hopes),
Your last point to me was funny, your middle is given an you're welcome, and your first had alreadly been not for interruption to my husband's, 'bedtime is for bedtime and daytime is for daytime.' I wasn't ^working^ on AP of AllPoetry as my apparatus of staying up but Attatchment Parenting editing to undo the dot of a clot that clutters the not infintisimal however small flourishing of a twosome if there'd be a prolapse, yet all pulsed for up/down that is getting proprtional. I don't mean to boringly look at my one thin thing.
I try not to be man-made maudlin nor sweeping the unfavorable under the rug to have a stand of maud anyway though losing beauties while hospitably being though Hebrews 3:4 beings with even a communicator for it to not to go on untuned. know what's no'd to haved pianoed so to speak. Flexing is with the rester then sensibly having flax also that can't be a xanadu dew if its undermining meaningfulness.
I hope I'm not overloaded for you.
Edited on Oct 02, 9:07 p.m. because 'paragraphing'. -
wow this poem is simply amazing. i love the line "Why must a good job be so pristine?
And obliterate my geometric scene?" this is such a great poem full of imagery and it is so chaotic yet so peaceful. amazing job. -
My heart goes out to anyone suffering from cancer. All power and strength to Vera, with hugs. I like the metaphor of crop circles ~ I walked around one that had appeared overnight in Wiltshire, England, two years ago. Very surreal experience, and very eerie. It was way too geometrically perfect to have been made in the dark by humans, no matter how clever or mathematical! My fingers are crossed for Vera...
Edited on Oct 02, 9:17 because ''. -
You are up mighty early. Hope you are resting well. Thanks so much for the fisking. Its wonderful, and right on. May you be receptive, and productive.
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tripsy like lithotripsy
deercatcher (with a few ironies),
"Crop Circles on a Random Planet" reveals a tractored effect where rushes are cropping crops of "arachnids and orthoptera" in duplex increases as we collide for control and such is the aeration our body can get periodically or powerfully towards cancers pocketing.
The quiescence of the introductory education has at its omset a revving of determination for the gamma rays or treatment so a restfulness but a restlessness* :
"Hyper drive disengaged" ... "Anti-matter properly en caged"
Exploration brings us back :
"Blue planet coming into view" as dioxins can't offshoot us.
Adrenal igniting the writing is with the pantings for good riddance to overgrown masses of internal imbalance as even a lawn needs tailoring with a straightening reward prepped too :
"Out the window grass is tall
Bartles and James in the freezer to chill"
Ecclesiastes 2:24 says our expenditures of energy want to be revitalized with cheer.
There are different grasses that make harder jobs as our habits to be frazzled with.
Mechanized language of the next stanza muscled the mower before us, sort of this isn't your Dad's landscaping with the "Outbound excursion, twin rotor" in a retreat of making clearings of our own wildernesses only now becoming endemic with catch ups after too many ketchup barbecues or other carcinogen cares crept in and cuteness isn't the territory now but "Arachnids and Orthoptera
Fleeing in terror"
There's a chamionship that can become tediousness from
"Swoop up hill and soar
Loops and swirls, figure 8"
to "Going to when [win?] this crucial race
For all the time cooped in Espace" when exhierating could've not needed a pacer.
Blipped is a look for balancing a unit's impacts on regrowths :
"Solo rendering of propagation"
The distancing scares of the turbo bow :
"Clatter of pebbles too near the drive"
makes me think of shockers to transient watchers not forewarned.
But when finalized those are steering's extraneous side effects :
"Sipping ice, I sit aloof
From the vantage of the roof"
The closing of this made these punches as sweeps in perspective but for an earth's measure it's against other delays we should have.
An elegy for those annihilations when we strongly lose all threads?
*Apologetic if I didn't get it with all forms as I'm with tenths thinking of birth.
Edited on Oct 02, 6:04 because 'straightening'. -
Your language usage is amazing. I had to read this three times to get an understanding. I see your words as saying; "cancer survivors are warriors". Indeed they are. My Mom has been in remission for 27 years. She's a trooper. I know Vera is as well. I am accustomed to praying, and I will do just that for her. Your work is intelligently written. There is forever hope. Very well done poet. I wish you and Vera the very best.
Always ♥
Renee
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"To see the art that I have made
Swirls in sun, ripples in shade
Why must a good job be so pristine?
And obliterate my geometric scene?"
A curiously intelligent penning, Ben~Jammin'...a war of words & images to portray the internal battle between body & spirit...Well done, Scribe...Good luck in the contest, my Friend... Wanda
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