As if the son of Aphrodite, he modeled
an aura longer then the Tigris river
that sang down Egypt. His heart
like fine gold sent from ships ova’ sea
was he.
His love like a woven basket filled
with fruits, he amazed a city. An
antique or a sculpture within a
uncanny piece of glass oh he was
mine.
He stretched like the Atlantic within
the green of my earth. His language
spoke french to my heart. I was
crochet in him, the salt within
the beach.
I never knew if I feathered his forehead
with my aura. I looked up at him---
a wolf howling to the veil of night.
Eeriness spoke still, wanting to know
if he loved me.
Gracefully stroking his heart with the lips
of mine yet he laughed like the wind.
I could feel the faint yet I wanted my grave
upon his feet. Love stood silent, it
couldn’t believe...
Author notes
Written September 30th, 2006
A poem I wrote about a love I thought was mine.
Gracefully stroking his heart with the lips
of mine yet he laughed like the wind.
I could feel the faint yet I wanted my grave
upon his feet. Love stood silent, it
couldn’t believe...
such as this that covers the whole accent of my sad heatrt that was dismayed
It was like a kiss that blew away
OPTION NUMBER 2
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Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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this left me wanting to read more. i loved this! great poem and i wish you good luck in my twin's contest. Merry Christmas!
~Dommi
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Wow, that's a good way to explain what you're feeling. You never really directly said anything which left people with a lingering thought about it in their mind. Nice write, thanks for adding this to my contest.
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this was soo sweet,and you did an amazing job with this peice.i loved the beginning of it because i love mythology.
thank you soo much for entering and good luck in the contest!!! -
I don't think I have read this piece before, this is really dope. I am like damn, your thoughts, oooweeeeeeeee, maturity is seen beyond the veil. Keep up the great work and God bless
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AWSOME WRITE KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!! THANKS FOR ENTERING!!!!
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this was a really great write..i liked the metaphors that you used..this was a powerful and emotional write keep writting your talented
~Chrissy~ -
interesting. has a good range of words, and an almost foreign flavor too it. very original. good write!
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I love greek mythology and the way you incorporated it is beautiful. <3 Granted, I wasn't quite looking for a story but it is beautiful nonetheless. Love is a powerful thing, no?
Goodluck in my contest! -
...
I dunno what picture you chose to describe that. Please add it to your authors note. Thanks
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I'm speechless
You have a beautiful poem and wonderful metaphor this is truely a tremendously perfect poem (<----my view of the poem)
what I hate----> Maybe u should read my contest rules. There are only two and u have done neither (the two rules r REQUIRED to keep from being DQ'd)
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I'm seeing the allusion to Aphrodite a lot in my contest. I find it interesting. Anyways, this was a well written piece that stayed consistent. Thanks for entering!
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I love the way you've written this, classical style. Great poem
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A breathtaking piece of artistry in every sense Aurielle, Bella
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Grood
This is very Purty-like. Very vivid and wprks at my feelings. I'm assuming you're talking about an antique statue, that catches your heart and soul, and drags you towards it till it's yours. Very nice. -
This is real purty-like. Very vivid, and I'm thinking of an antique statue, a one-of-a-kind piece that cathes your eyes and soul and drags you in until you have it. It flows very smooth and works at my head, and stuff. Nice job.
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Beautifully Written!!!!!
Aurielle:
This is beyond beautiful, it is strong, yet has the tenderness of a ture heartfelt love.....
Your use of metaphors is outstanding in this piece and the creativity of this piece is awesome.....
-you chose the proper words for same, carefully-
My most favorite part of this was:
"Gracefully stroking his heart with the lips
of mine yet he laughed like the wind."
You have a gift, and you use it well, keep on penning.....
Be blessed with lvoe and light always,
Your friend,
AngelicMIstress
*HUG*
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Ah to fall in love with the God of Love. Eros the son of Aphrodite casts a net of love that our psyches cannot resist! TO the edge of the underworld and back. We search for love lost.
Great write!
Marianne
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Made me wanna cry,
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Bravo!
Some really, really terrific images here! Some outstanding phrasing as well! Bravo!!! -
aww thanks love u bro u too
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dang.....love the metaphors man...you know you the great.."bowing down to you"...keep doing your thang sis
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This is a good poem that you had penned here good luck in the contest
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thanks you don't know how much this comment mae me feel. Can't wait to view your poem I wish I can applaud you.
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My, this poem is so deep and truly well written, as I can only aspire to be as good as you.
this is for you, and 
s, as a 
sings your praises as i write 
in hopes to become as good as you, I think I may need a little 
learning how to be profficient in my articulation & punctation! Wow!
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A fine piece of poetry portraying the depths of your love and his merits within that love and the reader could feel his charisma yet also a sense of aloofness from him.May I tentatively suggest considering replacing "weaven" with "woven?"Usage of metaphor was original and created a spell like illusion,well done indeed,enjoyed this and happily applaud your creativity
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I think this is sweet. The metaphors are great and your wording is passionate.
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i liked it...it was good, im not going to lie...but im not sure, the pacific really doesnt do much here for me...i'd have chose the atlantic...but thats just me...it goes more down the center of pangea....or so it would seem.
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"Gracefully stroking his heart with the lips
of mine yet he laughed like the wind."
My favorite line out of the entire thing. Strong and well written, though I would like to see a little more commas because my eyes need breaks inbetween reading
Just a suggestion, but no real need to change anything drastically. I liked it, different from most of the people written about in love poems. Sad but touching, I liked it a lot.
-BxBxBx -
thanks can't wait to read yours
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keep it up
nice metaphore at the end, this is sweet, it a great write, i bet alot of people enjoy reading this, keep o typin, talk to you l8ter
~fallnangel~ -
I love it. Especially the metaphor at the end. Great write. And Greatly Enjoyed.
XoXo
Sara.
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