Am broken and confused
Lost in my own thoughts
Scared of your world
That tears me apart
Tricked by poisonous bloody love
That eats my soul away
I'm lost with no where to go
Broken I am
With bloody tears I cry
Confused on whether
You love me or not
Shivering of what we came to be
Confused on what we should or shouldn't be
Time is something
You need to know how to spend
Rather talk to me
Or hang with your friends
Blindness is what you’re showing me
As if I am nobody
I’ve been tricked so many times
But made up my mind
And this is where it has come to be
I feel as if you’re just another want to be
Thinking that you can fool me
But am tired of being played,
Used as a game
So game over now
It’s time to make up what you really want us to be
It’s okay if you think I’ll be angry
Am used to being used anyhow
Do you love me?
Or am I being used as something,
I wish it could be?
Author notes
ForeverLastingComa
A contest entry
- OPTIONS! 8 OF THEM!!! by liduen.
600 points, ended March 21, 2008, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended April 6, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Betrayal by XXCrimsonRaineXX.
1380 points, ended April 27, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love and Confusion by Simply a Memory.
315 points, ended April 28, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Confusion by loveaswellashate.
500 points, ended August 5, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
-
this is very interesting and very well written... I love the whole thing even though to me in a small tense.. its sorta cliche... like ive read something kinda like this before..
but the way you wrote it was sort of refreshing so good job with that..
thank you for joining my contest and good luck...
Loves... -
its got good emotion but as far as 'wowing' me and showing me your absolute best it doesnt have that 'oomph'. on the other hand i really do love this and i can completely relate. i think my favorite part is actually this
Scared of your world
That tears me apart
Tricked by poisonous bloody love
That eats my soul away
but really its good.. thanks for entering
-
I love the Game metaphor you have going on.
its cute.
sadly your poem doesn't hit me. and i have been there.
Its a good piece, I am not saying that it isn't, but it is not what I
am looking for: )
Sorry. Good luck in the other contests though! -
This is wonderful. i like this poem its the best
-
Do you love me?
Or am I being used as somethin
i can completely relate to that line! great work!
thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox -
This is an awesome write thanx for entering
-
wOw!!DiS iS bY fAr Da BeSt OnE I rEaD iN dIs CoNtEsT!!.
-
-
thank you =D..which contest are you talking about though?
-
-
great!
wow this is great!!
-
this was just beautifully penned! i really can relate! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! CarnalNineTailedFox
-
great poem! i liked the reference to a game, and being played. A lot of emotion comes through this, and by the time I had finished I was really feeling for you! I was thinking 'I hope the writer just walks away!'
really great write.
Thanks for entering and good luck
Sunny
-
So game over now
It’s time to make up what you really want us to be
It’s okay if you think I’ll be angry
Am used to being used anyhow
Do you love me?
Or am I being used as something,
I wish it could be?
good job leesh.& Good luck too! =] -
WOW!~This is REALLY good!Wait...no...BETTER THAN GOOD!~AWESOME...not the used part...But how u turned your thoughts and feelings into a poem...plus it rhymed...I like rhyme!~
signed confused -
Broken I am
With bloody tears I cry
Confused on whether
You love me or not
i kno this feeling. crying the crimson tears bc u have no idea wut their feelings really are -
Great job! This piece has so much expression and emotion. The imagery and flow are great! Thanks for entering and good luck!
+ Jackie -
Congrats on making it into the finalists list, this means i read on further than the first four lines of your poem. Thanks for entering =] xx
-
this is great bravo!
-
creepy-much..awesome write thanks for entering my contest..sarah
-
thank you for entering and good luck
-
Thanks for entering, your poem was great!
-
this poem is jsut amazing like wow i loved it
-
pain pain pain. sucks that gain has to come with pain
love it. good luck in my contest! -
wow....I love this poem...I'd have to say my favorite part is:
feel as if you’re just another want to be
Thinking that you can fool me
But am tired of being played,
Used as a game
Great write and good luck
-
Time is something
You need to know how to spend
Rather talk to me
Or hang with your friends
Blindness is what you’re showing me
That was my favorite verse, I deffinatly know how this feels. This was verry well versed. Thank you for the advice. I really enjoyed this you are verry talented. Good luck!
Stormy
-
awesome
the picture is so...fits perfectly...with the poem
i like the 1st stanza the most...ive felt that way...
overall...um...awesome...yeah -
Very sad!! But it was truly amazing! It was great of this contest and had some great parts:
Broken I am
With bloody tears I cry
Confused on whether
You love me or not
Shivering of what we came to be
Confused on what we should or shouldn't be
Great job!! Thanks for entering! -
aww so sad. wow so sad. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luc!
-
Wow, this was an amazing poem. I really loved the lines
Tricked by poisonous bloody love
That eats my soul away
The second stanza also blew me away. Excellent job, and good luck in my contest.
XXCrimsonRaineX -
This is a very good write has a lot of feelings yet so sad
Thankyou for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
Wow.
Beautiful and yet very painful. It seems like I myself wrote this, seeing as how I feel as if I'm in the same situation.
Thank you so much for sharing this and entering, and good luck in my contest
-
Time is something
You need to know how to spend
Rather talk to me
Or hang with your friends
i had a friend who went through a relationship like this and i know its tough...really enjoyed this poem. good luck and thanks for entering -
I really dont see anything in the poem that stands out to me to make me say, "Wow, that was really nicely written!" But there is this one part that I think can be rewritten:
"Scared of your world
That tears me apart
Tricked by poisonous bloody love
That eats my soul away
I'm lost with no where to go"
Mostly the third line in there, Tricked by poisonous bloody love, that could definitely use a rewrite.
In this entire thing I feel like you have no pulse, no rhythm, no flow to go with. Also you need to at least use some punctuation so that there can be more rhythm, it is like one long long run on sentence if you have no punctuation. -
This have very vibrant images. You definitely covered the pain and confusion. I would've liked to have seen more about love, but it is still a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing.
-
great
Wow! You've entered this in a smorgesborg of contests. Thanks for making my contest one of them. Nicely written. Good luck to you.
Brian -
A strong and emotional piece. Thanks
-
Very nice....The words really speak (if you understand what that means...it makes sense in my head...) and the flow and rhyme are in just the right places. (noticeable in the right places, I mean) Very nicely written, thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest!!
-
I enjoyed reading this.
I don't know exactly why, but the whole "Am broken..." part made me continue reading it. With some work, you could become really talented eventually. Good Luck.
-
WOW> So amazing. The title is stunning and so well said. I have been in this kind of situation before. I know the pain. I loved this part:
Am broken and confused
Lost in my own thoughts
Scared of your world
That tears me apart
-
nice write!
thanks for entering asn best of luck -
Powerful write! It has a lot of good metaphors. Great job and good luck in the contest!
-
Oh, it was the first one....maybe you meant it, but I didn't really know. you're great at this tho! you should get a real blog and post poems on it.
-
thnx 4 the comment but in which line u were tlkin about?
-
I totally understand your feelings, this poem is so touching and great. I think you meant for a I in the beginning? good job tho, I had a good time reading it!
-
I said I would return comments, but I meant real ones. Your short 'i really liked this' comment didn't really help me at all and it didn't look like you put time into writing it. I, however, promised to return your comment... so here I go... straight to the critiquing. (no, I'm not mad at you... just upset that people try to take advantage like that)
* torn should be changed to tore (tense disagreement)
* if you're going to go through out a whole poem with the 'am yadayada' thing, then stay consistent. The line 'broken I am' changes the perspective of the piece.
* I don't know what you meant by 'shouldn't't' ... perhaps a typo? Please look into that.
* if you're going to compare something to a slang term, use the slang term... 'want to be' doesn't read on the same page as 'wanna be'
* 'used as something' would make better sense as 'used for something'
Worthy writing attempt. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Edited on Sep 30, 5:56 p.m. because 'typo'. -
being used is bad 
wrong, a manipulating game
GREAT job portraying that
diggin it majorly
Adding your comment:
1 - 45 of 45
