The old home place stands there all alone
Gardens forgotten, unkempt overgrown
With weeds that are trying to bury the past
The crumbling foundation is now falling at last~
The shutters are crooked and slightly askew
Windows broken looking so bare
The roof and chimney are falling
Not much left there
Shatters of glass covers the walk
The old home place if only you could talk~
You were once a home someone's pride and dream
If only you could talk of happier days you had seen
Once you stood so straight and tall
That once echoed with voices
Now no one is there at all~
Once young and proud so eager to taste
You had all that life offered nothing to waste
Now old and empty standing forlorn and alone
Abandoned, forgotten
A place once called home~
Author notes
Was out at my grand ma's and grand pa' the other day
The old house looked so lonely all alone
I can remember the happier times there
( This visit inspired the write)
Written April 25th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Home by dp robertson.
300 points, ended January 6, 2004, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your old home by Hihamburger.
500 points, ended May 8, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Lots of nostalgia in this well-written poem!
Best of Luck in the contest!
Love Ya!
<3 Maureen
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I still have that photo you sent of you and Danny on your grandmother's property. You wonderfully, yet sadly described how you feel about the house. I just visited the mansion where I lived as a child with grandparents. It is now a four rental apartments. How sad to know that all that beautiful woodwork is gone. Your words are very nostalgic. I would work on the last two stanzas, and even up the meter. Don't change a word, just smooth it out like in the first stanza. I love it!
Love oyur sis,
Shana XOXO
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Hello great poem good luck in the contest
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Wonderful
Such a terrific and creative expression. So very well done and touching. thank you for sharing.
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I found the meter and writing of the first stanza great. After that it loses its way and repeats sentiments and all in all the remaining stanzas need a good tighten.
David
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ohhh this is fabulous!!...i just love it....you did such a great job on imagery as well as giving us perfect flow and rhyme!!...very impressive...hugs....leanne xxx
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Awww I feel so sorry for the poor old house all abandoned. You wrote an excellent poem. Good luck in the contest.
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give me an old, worn home any day
over some sterile condo in the burbs
the living that went on within the walls
are almost palpable
as are your words, susan
(an idea - you and your family move back in there and fix it up!) -
Thank you for entering
David -
I love your descriptions in this one and the feeling that is put into it. It recalls good memories from many who read as it did me. Excellent job Blushfulmoon. Loved it! Good luck in the contest. Irene
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WOnderful poem blushfulmoon, such reflection capture like this makes the poem more endearing....and real for me.
comment? You have a strong sentence that for me, seems to be a cornerstone line "if only you could talk". So to keep that one, the first quote a strong line, you might think of an alternate word for 'Talk' in the next stanza, (whisper, speak, tell), so the first line remains unique....I think you might hear difference without the repetition.
Loved the poem. -Darmok -
It's rather interesting that once you leave home you cannot go back. It isn't ever home after that. You seemed to capture that thought in this, the sadness of that thought. Thank you. - SG
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Such a sad story...I often wonder, if only someone had looked after these old homes, taken better care, they'd still be standing for some new family and new memories...those old homes sure seem to have a personality all to themselves...a wonderful and thoughtful write Susan, beautifully presented...I liked this a lot!!!
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Nostalgic--that I like. The old house that I lived in for most of the first 20 years of my life is gone now. My nephew lives there, but he tore the old house down and moved a double wide mobile home. It is much like the old house was. Our house was in an L shape the mobile home is too, but the house had an L shaped porch on the front side, the mobile home has a smaller square porch with the house itself wrapped around the porch. Nostalgia always gets to me, so I will go now, but I do want to say that you did a wonderful job on this one.
Damon D. Brewer -
I have an attraction to structures like this, abandoned. I think of all the history myself. Always feels kind of sad to see them fall. I live in a old house myself, in nine years it will be historical sight and I love my old house.
Red -
oh my gosh susan, this poem just wowed me, this one took me in and it totally made me see this house, it was so sad, and it was so lonely feeling
very well done and well put though susan, i really really enjoyed this
especially this:
"With weeds that are trying to bury the past"
very very cool comparison, never really thought of it like that, and that was a very interesting way of putting it.
kayla* -
ohhhhhhhhhh if walls could talk in the old houses we find in so many places...
the stories they could tell...
some may be good, some sad, and otherwise...
sometimes when i'm in an old house, i put my ear to the wall...
i almost feel i can hear it's stories...
incredible write here!
blessings,
mike -
delightful
i love the mingling feelings of nostalgia and sadness this poem evokes. my gut response at the conclusion of my reading was "wow, what a cool poem!" -
This is a poignant piece, Susan... The imagery and emotion are something almost everybody can relate to. I am bookmarking it.
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I know just how you feel, I saw my old house from when I was growing up, and whoever lives in it now must be a bunch of pigs...
That house was beautiful, now it's falling apart, but what good times we had there, you got to love those good ol days!!!
Thanks for sharing and pen on!
-Timothy -
I like this poem of your I thin you did a fine job with it it said so very much , thank you ever so much for shareing
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Very beautiful write, Susan Very nostalgic, and heartwarming
Loveya,
Karen
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It's hard to tell someone that the home is nearly an entity all its own. With personality, thoughts that are streaming through the rooms, and carved shadows of earlier visitors. Something left behind for us to grab. Something sure and outside of being finite.
This is a lovely write depicting what home should be. It's delapidation from the ruins of living and the glory of its rest in spite of it!!! Thank you...very good. I truly enjoyed this. -
This is something with which I can relate. There is usually an old house in most people' lives that hold fond memories for them. This one brought back memories. Thanks. Freeways Mom
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Well wrote Susan nice memories with touched sadness.....Hugs,Sherry
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Well done, Sis! Really enjoyed this! It is very sad when you think back on all the memories of good times and happy days spent together with your family in the house that now stands empty, uncared for and abandoned. sniff
Love Ya, Sis!
< 3 Maureen
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Excellent
To me ... this is a fantastic write Susan ... So many "homes" are seemingly left abandoned where once joy and laughter were the order of the day ... If those walls could only talk ...
Mind you, I am a sentimental romantic ... and that applies to old homes as well ...
Thank you for sharing this one ...
Take every care, Dear Susan,
Sammy.
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Excellent! Very nicely done!
sad poem...i liked it very much!
paddy.
Edited on Apr 25, 6:52 p.m. because 'Excellent!'. -
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this brought a smile to my face my friend!
this reminds me of my grandfathers place in Marble falls, texas
I did enjoy this!
I needed this today!
Keep bringing me to places like this my friend!
Keep taking me to places that I've never been to before!
Bill
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