Among your mighty trees my spirit found true liberty,
A sanctuary found within the boundaries of life.
I've wandered through your mystic land of spellbound fantasy,
Enchanted by pure magic, it enlightened inner strife.
My sanctuary found within the boundaries of life,
The gift regained to see the world with infant's innocence.
Enchanted by this magic, it enlightened inner strife,
Gave glance at immortality and changed my views immense.
The gift regained to see the world with infant's innocence,
By flying on the mighty wind of dreams and make believe.
A glance at immortality has changed my views immense,
While riding with the Unicorns from early morn till eve.
By flying on the mighty wind of dreams and make believe,
And wisdom found within the dragon's truthful golden eyes,
Made riding with the Unicorns from early morn till eve,
To let the faded mysteries of Avalon arise.
New wisdom found within the dragon's truthful golden eyes,
The veil - concealing life - now lifted from my blinded sight;
Inside the faded mysteries of Avalon arise,
Old lessons learned anew in seeking truth within the light.
The veil - concealing life - now lifted from my blinded sight,
I've wandered through your mystic land of spellbound fantasy;
Old lessons learned anew in seeking truth within the light,
Among your mighty trees my spirit found true liberty.
Author notes
Pantoum
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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First let me say that the description, imagrey, and ryhme were just great! This sounds like a story that a fairy would tell at the end of a long journey. Such imagination and clearity should be appreciated greatly. I love to read this type of poetry, because I know that the author really knows how to reach to reader. You must have good talent to be able to make me belive that it was a fairy that wrote this. Are you sure you're not a fairy?
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Hi Munda, hadn't been on your page for a long time and look...I found this incredibly beautiful pantoum here.
Enjoyed the read very much.~Titia~ -
Superb write
Holy, what an incredibly visual poem this one is, so full of magical spells and a total delight to read. It has great form and meter and a really good pantoum. -
This almost sounds like mantra, with the repetition of lines and stanzas. It really engraves it into the reader's mind and sounds like a chant or spell. It kind of enraptures the reader into reading the rest of the poem. The repetition made it more powerful and strengthened its meaning.
~Grace
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I agree it is still a amazing write and diffently holds up to marvelous! I love it makes me want to leave this world behind for a far off fairyland. Beautiful Poem I love it!!!!
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a good pantoum, nice form that to work with i think. a good flow and rhythm here. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Even having read the criticisms above, I still think this is an amazing write. It may not be the perfect Pantoum, but it stands as a marvelous piece of poetry in its own write. Superbly worded and constructed 'fable' Well done.
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wonderful and mystical delight
Munda, Dear friend, you have crafted a wonderful and mystical delight here. You should be satisfied with the end result because it is GOOD! You Rock! Peace my friend, Dennis
Edited on Oct 16, 5:52 p.m. because ''. -
And I will read the "rules" better next time.
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I can understand that, but the contest asked for a certain thing. Although a pantoum can go for any length, the numbered one in the description asked for twenty, with the lines being repeated.
You bring up an excellent point, and I will be more specific in the contest criteria.
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I'm sorry Barbara. I thought you requested a pantoum, but didn't realise it could be no longer than 5 stanzas. Since a pantoum can be from 3 stanzas to how many you'd like, I thought this to be okay. Also I have learned from my poetry teacher in the past to write within the rules when you start, but, once you master a form, take the liberty to change a word, or maybe two, to make the pantoum more intersting.
I've put a lot of time in this pantoum and it is exactly as I want it to be. If you specifically require a pantoum of 5 stanzas and exact copying of the lines, please let me know and I will withdraw it from the contest. No hard feelings. However, since I have to be true to myself, I cannot change it.
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The repeated lines are suppose to be repeated word for word. Lines 5, 7, 11, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and 20 are not a repeat of the lines required. There are words changed here and there in them. Also, you have an extra stanza that is not called for.(you have a 24 line poem where a 20 line one was requested)
Please consider changing it to fit the contest criteria, otherwise, it cannot be considered....which would be a shame, since it is a beautifully crafted poem, full of imagery and meaning. -
This is a magically woven piece of poetry with the power to uplift the mind, and delight the heart. Great going. I am really impressed by the vivid images that are painted so descriptively, it almost becomes a painting!! Keep up the brilliant work. God bless.
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Your not supposed to reword the repeating lines, like the first one "My" and "A" sanctuary.. but it's otherwise quite good!
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WOW!
Here's the nagative comment: Well, your first stanza and second stanza were not as enrapturing as the rest of the poem. The flow was a little vague there. But by the third stanza you had me perfectly. Anyway, that's just my opinion.
Here's the positive comment: Oh Wow!! You are one of the really talented few I've seen who can write well, capture the reader's interest and make it rhyme, all at the same time. And this rhyming Pantoum is beautiful. Great job!
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