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In Tune With Misery

Soft patter of rain

like baby feet

scents of earth

and fresh wet fences.

Background voices murmur

and my music plays

but needing my

apartness

I drink in

sounds of silence

smell of rain

and the quiet of

this surrogate garden.


But that was summer rain.


Now the dark is down

and drops drench and blister

even on clothed body.

Soaking footsteps crash

through grey-green dusk

and still I stand

still as the garden

heads nodding to earth

light all but gone

stretching to pin point pain

I would die in that

wet grass.

Author notes

Started this when I was content. Finished it a couple of days ago, when I felt it would be good to die in the wet grass.
Written September 30th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 42 of 42
  • GordonR gold member
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful on every level. You have that skill to give the reader an experience, beyond the words you write and write so well. "Stretching to pin point pain" just nails it.

    BTW.....Only farmers die in the wet grass.
    XG


    • chills gold member
      July 26
      Edit | Reply

      G man....

      Why only farmers?? X Mrs Thicky X

      Thank you so much for taking the time. You are a mench!! xx d

  • this is amazingly beautiful. the imagery and the message...really well done


    • chills gold member
      July 26
      Edit | Reply
      thank you my dear. I hope things are better for you now. xx Debs


  • SteveS gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply

    Aaahhh.

    There's most always a point in a poem which makes my face soften and say "Aahh" Yours did it with "fresh wet fences" great imagery.


    • chills gold member
      July 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Steve - that was a lovely comment. xx D

  • I am breathtaken by this. Such good imagery, I can image it all. So beautiful, you have a gift.

    The first and last two lines were my absolute favorites. Bravo.

    • chills gold member
      April 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. It was lovely of you to 'return the favour' so quickly. Enjoy allpoetry, it's a pretty good place to be! x Chills

  • thericker gold member
    March 10

    Edit | Reply

    Very good!

    Just got around to reading some of your works and this one stood out.  Unlike one other reader, I really liked the double use of the word "still" as it demonstrates a careful selection of words. But beyond the words, the contrast presented in this poem is palpable. Rain that "patters" and drops the 'blister'. Brilliant!


    • chills gold member
      March 10
      Edit | Reply
      thank you! 'Still' stand by both my stillnesses!! x debs xx value your comment


  • lunarlunacy
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    smell of rain

    and the quiet of

    this surrogate garden.


    - wrote in a manner that the reader can immerse themselves in. well done.


  • KayJay
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A lovey write with a gentle hand... peace and a longing sadness imbue your words. A beautiful penning of emotions. Excellent.
    Ken

    • chills gold member
      October 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Oh Ken

      Just read this again myself and life doesn't change much round here. big love. debs ps only popping by - life is rather full on and nasty just now. Hope you are smiling and stretching.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    this might be a poem that is

    written in a tender layer, if you read between it, i hear
    the anguish sediments of a longing young mother, missing
    those little pitter patter footsteps. Ahhh..but Joy
    is reborn in the next generation who now we have plenty
    of wise stories to tell.
    ears/Seattle beautiful poem this is!


  • CelticQueen
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, debs, I have one question and one suggestion for this, then my comments.

    Question - why is it a "surrogate garden?"

    Suggestion: In the second stanza, you've used the word 'still' in successive lines. I know they have different meanings, but still (sorry. couldn't stop myself) it caused me to stumble both times I read it. Really brought things to a halt for me.

    Comments - I really enjoyed this. You have some really evocative phrasing here:

    scents of earth
    and fresh wet fences.

    but needing my
    apartness

    and drops drench and blister

    Very nicely done. Yep. celtic queen

    • chills gold member
      May 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Sorry CQ, haven't been here for a while - well only 'popping in and out'. Surrogate because I didn't choose the house or garden so they are both 'bearing with me' and then washing their hands of me!!
      I use 'still' and 'still', as you very correctly say, in both their meanings and very deliberately. Still stand and stand still have altogether opposing meanings.... thank you for your time. It's a luxury!! xx


  • internal heights
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    I'm brand new to allpoetry and I have to say if I didn't find another author I'd sit here contently absorbing the wonderful pictures your poetry puts in my mind. Your visualizations gave both the dark and the sad beautiful aspects. Loved it.

  • chills gold member
    March 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your kind comment. I'm glad you liked this. I have an annoying tendency to throw myself into the grass when sad. As you can see, it was a warm September night... I'm not stupid enough to go out there tonight when it's about one degree below. I'd put my eye out on the spikes of frozen grass!!


  • Sprite silver member
    March 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very nice.

    "Scents of earth and fresh wet fences" is a wonderful phrase. I can see and smell it. I can feel it. I love the solitude and calm in the first part of the poem. It made me feel relaxed to read it. (And I am not fond of rain.)

    The fact that it changes in tone in the second half reminded me of life, how it fluctuates between the good and the bad.


  • aslanlight
    September 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your emotions leap off the page. You skillfully drew me in to your visions of those moments. In other words your poetry is alive and that's a worthy gift.

    Peace Georgia


  • iamthebeatles
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow
    Love this poem here. I love how it started out as a happy poem then turned dark on us after the summer rain comment. It is great. Wonderful job!
    *peace*


  • Swan song gold member
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is heart felt and very beautiful. It is one my read again lost because it crooned to me and I want to ingest it even more. Thank you!

    • chills gold member
      June 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. This was a hard time for me. Not the first verse, cos i started to write in happiness. And then. Well. I'll recover but not quite yet. Let's say I'm mending.x


  • moment liver
    November 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Love this! I love the images you create with the words you've written! Awesome job! keep writing from within!
    See you around the deep end
    moment liver
    ADHL


  • chills gold member
    October 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    But your'e 'arite'? So hope so dear boy!!xx


  • Bungalow Bill
    October 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I'm ok, been in and out of docs and hospital last week or so, with toothache this week and a problem with my chest last week. Nothing too serious but didn't do much for my week off on holiday

    I don't really tell people when I'm ill because I don't like to worry people and all that fuss, without sounding too much like a martyr.

    Written some stuff lately and am having a poem published in "Wales Poets" so I'll try and get you a copy xx

  • chills gold member
    October 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    You Ok? I've not been here much - just getting shit faced and depressed - and no good reason for it either! Wanna know my Welsh friend is 'arite' (that's hard to put into the Welsh accent - which we love, my girly and I) xx chilli xx


  • blondone
    October 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    interesting write the words flowed with ease and like the form just went over my head this evening its me I'm too new to all this different styles and forms but I'm learning thanks for sharing and good luck to you....


  • chills gold member
    October 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Rudi - that night it was all rather true too. But I'm soonest mended (but not least said...) x chills x

  • chills gold member
    October 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Romanee, thank you darlin. I'm fine now but that wet night was a real 'blip'. Life just seemed like very hard work that evening. xx chills xx


  • Romanee
    October 3, 2006
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    My goodness, it's amazing how this changes, in that second verse you could really feel the pain in your words, it was intense. I hope you do not feel like this anymore, because I identified with that second verse and it is NOT a nice feeling, if you ever need to talk, just send me a message,
    Romanee, xx


  • Keith
    October 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hope the wet grass turns to warm hay. That's all their is to say. Best wishes.

  • Rudolf
    October 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    An interesting write this is,it starts out kind of warm and cuddly but voilently shifts gears steering us into a rather dark place most of us would never chose to be,this was all cleverly accomplished with surprisingly few words.
    rudolf


  • mitimse
    October 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    amazing how quickly the trip from hope to despair. Mr. Joe

  • Harlequin
    October 1, 2006
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    Great poem, very heartfelt and sad....Harlequin

  • surreal realist
    October 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is sweet, a bit haunting and in the honesty of the moment.


  • Bungalow Bill
    October 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is the best poem you've written in my opinion.

    Bill/Martin/Kite.... x

    • chills gold member
      May 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Long time no speak - life has taken a busy (and not too pleasurable) turn. Log on here about once a month..... How's my martin and moll?? xx debs


  • chills gold member
    September 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks Karen. I'm climbing up and out of the grass now. But I did get very, very wet. x debs


  • lonely and free
    September 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    To want to die in such a sensual place is earth wisdom, chilli.. the warm summer rain is there just deeper than before ... xxx

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