Burdened by the bittersweet numbness in my mind,
I find myself lost and clinging to one last hope.
The transparent brutality of having to look behind.
Finding it's much harder for me to just cope.
In truth, I see just what I have done to me.
A soaring reality that feels more like a living hell.
Pushing away all who dared to care, how could this be?
Bleeding inside myself, my hardened shell.
I've mechanically discharged this constant toil.
My strength surpassed by my own weakness.
Falling into natures wardrobe, blanket of soil.
I close my eyes to pacify my bleakness.
Knowing in the end, I can and will never be
anything until I confront my weakness, me.
Author notes
Written in the Shakesperean (English) sonnet form, with a rhyme scheme of:
abab
cdcd
efef
gg
Written September 29th, 2006
Ktulu Blackwolfe
In a list
A contest entry
- The Final Round by Celticmoon.
1000 points, ended October 15, 2006, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blow me out of the water by Soul Reaper -Crow-.
450 points, ended June 18, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Best of the Best, etc. by Heavenly Angel.
1500 points, ended June 13, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Prewrite 3 by Heavenly Angel.
475 points, ended December 12, 2007, 43 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW ONLY - Favorites by Asylaarix.
600 points, ended January 31, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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i like this, I can feel the emotion. Thanks for entering!
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I really like this poem a lot. I don't like the flow at the beginning, but it got better as it went. I really like the rhyme scheme. You did a great job with it, and once again, great imagery. This puts out an interesting message. You have to confront yourself because you're a weakness to yourself. It's very interesting. My favorite part of this poem was the line, "Falling into natures wardrobe, blanket of soil."
It was really awesome.
Alyssa
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This was a wonderful poem..
The imagery and emotions in it were just so vivid..
And heartfelt.. You did a great job here..
Thanks for sharing..
And best of luck..
Angel
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You are a very loving person ... with obviously some real painful issues ... this was so sad ... but so gorgeous at the same time ... it was beautifully penned ... with such raw emotion and such bravery ... thank you so much for your entry and good luck in the contest ...
Much Love
♥Jayda♥ -
strong message
i hope you have confronted your weakness...i enjoyed thiis...good luck -
Loved this before and I still think it's an awesome piece; thank you for sharing and for being part of the contest!!!
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Sorry, I didn't realize that I had entered this into one of your previous contests but I do still feel that this is one of my bests if not my best. LOL
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This I thought was a little cliche... it was good though... Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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AWESOME!
My friend, this hit the nail on the head for me; a truly fine sharing in this contest! Thank you! Puts a lot into perspective for me -
Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got. -
Another very well written sonnet, deeply emotionally charged write. Best wishes to you. Please alter text color as difficult to read on that background color.
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This is such a very well done piece. I think you did good. The very best of luck to you in the contest!
Kari -
Thank you Sis for your comment, you thought I'd have difficulty with it..I never thought I would be able to write it period....Guess the thought of writing in a new form is sounds harder than it really is.
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Well mt dear lil bro I must admit I am highly impressed and very much awestruck at your final piece for this challenge. I truly thought you would have difficulty with it but you have a flawless piece here. Bravo!
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Thank you Kristi, for reading and applauding this piece, I really appreciate your comment and you taking the time to score this as well.
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thank you very much for commenting and scoring this piece, I appreciate it very much
*Ktulu Blackwolfe* -
I feel like I can really relate to this poem and it is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
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NIIIIIIIIIICE!! THis is very well written my poet friend. There is NOTHING you CAN'T write! I would have to give it a 10. It flows well, the word usage is very proper, it's true to life....you covered it all! However, the quote that expired you...it's a pretty good quote, but I would have to say that you never know TRUE victory until you win the battle against satan through our savior Jesus Christ. The weaknesses in you are from satan himself, and you win that battle with and through the blood of the lamb. Anyway, got off the subject of your awesome write here. Great job!
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I think this is an awesome write, my friend! Truly awesome!
I give you an all round score of 10! -
thank you very much for your comment and score, I appreciate it very much
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This was really nicely done, the flow was commendable and the subject was really nicely handled. Overall I'd probably give it a 7
thank you for the enjoyable read Ktulu
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Thank you Scribs for commenting on this and leaving a score as well, I appreciate it very much.
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This relates exactly to what I'm going through right now. I'm glad I came across it.
Excellent work!
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8
Ktulu, I like the self reality of this poem. Well written, flows well. -
thank you Teresa for reading and commenting. I appreciate your score as well.
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Encore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wonderful poem and I think it gets a scope of 8.
and I always enjoy your poems too.
Roses to you
Teresa
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thank you, not only for reading this but for taking the time to comment and also score this. I appreciate it.
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting, I appreciate you taking the time to score this write as well.
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thank you very much for reading and commenting, I also appreciate the score tha tyou left as well.
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Magnificent Job!!
-Talks to Simon for Final Round voting-
(takes out notes for analysis)
When I inhaled this verse...I was able to feel the emotions
in this Masterpiece You have penned~
Also~ considering the Word Bank being a Challenge in itself..
The verse flowed with the phrases amongst them...
On top of that...Having to generate from a quote...
in Shakespearean Sonnet form-I have to say
-tallies votes from the audience-
You did a Magnificent job on this one my Friend!
and a Ten it shall be
The title very Interesting for I see this Journey
that will build Strength~
Kudos to You for braving such a Challenge!
Many blessings to You
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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this poem was veryyyyyyyyyyyy gooooooddddd i like alottttt your seem like a good writer keep it hahaha commment my pomes
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Perfect 10
I too, give this a (10). It is true that we are our own weakness, and most of the time our own greatest enemy. I can relate to this in that sense. You made good use of the word bank, it did not seem forced, it was smooth from start to finish. I have seen this on the featured for two days now and curiousity got the best of me. I'm glad it did, so I give you my applause and a standing ovation. Merry Part and Blessed Be. -
TEN
Oh my goodness! This is a TEN!!! (10)
The write is wonderful with excellent flow and rhyme but the message within is the masterpiece worthy of GOLD.
You have penned a profound and powerful wisdom within your well chosen words.
I so admire your ability with the sonnet form. Very well done indeed.
Good luck in the contest. Blessings! Tammy
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8
A very well written poem that conveyed your inner turmoil well, i only marked you down because you rhymed me with be twice. -
Darling
I see you laughing
dancing in the wind
though the wind chaffing
your spirit mostly wins.
I wish I was
like you in ways
solid in your cause
doing what you may.
You are a lord
protector of your clan
hidden is your sword
protecting woman and man.
Smoosh
Janet -
vey good my dear, well thought out. I carefully read each stanza, each line and thought you got this down perfectly, good luck in the contest.
I would have to give you a 10.
Elizabeth
Edited on Sep 30, 10:19 because ''. -
grade 8
Very interesting piece. Great flow and lots of imagination. -
excellent
excellent...we are our own worst enemies..love the line"my stregth surpassed by my own weakness -
Thank you for taking the time to read this and leave both an applause and a score, I appreciate it very much.
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10.
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Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment and also leave a score, I appreciate it very much
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This is a VERY well written piece! I love contests that go sort've off the beaten path, and add something new and exciting to things! Good luck, and I'd give this poem an 8 1/2...unless I can't do halves....then I'd give you a 9. Good luck!
~Robby
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a very strong but true poem we must all face our true selves are we will never be. very good!!!
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read this and leaving both a comment and an honest evaluation of my work. I appreciate it very much.
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4/10
A very strong poem which rhymed well. It had a few errors, however like ‘natures’ rather than ‘nature’s’ and I couldn’t detect use of iambic pentameter, one of the basics of a Shakespearean sonnet. If I’m wrong and you did use it, sorry for giving you such a low grade.
As a poem this would be around a nine or ten. But I don’t think it carries off the form well enough for a high grade (sorry).
Keep writing, this was an excellent poem. I liked the rhyme here. Good luck in the contest
All the best
Pozo
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your ending was fantastic, really summed up the entire piece perfectly..
having said that, i am in absolute love with this part:
I've mechanically discharged this constant toil.
My strength surpassed by my own weakness.
Falling into natures wardrobe, blanket of soil.
I close my eyes to pacify my bleakness.
amazing! -
Thank you very much for taking the time to not only read nd comment but to also leave a score, I appreciate it.
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this is a well written, well thought out piece of work. I like the form, the flow, and the way it made me think afterwards. I give you a score of 10 - good luck!
Love,
Lane -
ops sorry about that Master Ktulu...I give it a 10
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Thank you very much for reading, commenting and also taking the time to leave a score as well. I appreciate it very much.
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deep
Master Ktulu..this was dark and deep.You've done a wonderful job.The very best of luck to you in the contest.This looked real hard to do!
Kari -
Thank you very much Krystal for your comment and I also appreciate you taking the time to leave a score, Thank you.
*Ktulu Blackwolfe* -
thank you for writing this poem. soemtimes i feel like i'm the only one bringing me down and all the beautiful people i have in my life are always trying to make me feel better. but it's true, when i confront myself i feel tonnes better. very, very good write
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thank you for reading and commenting I appreciate it very much.
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10! Or can I give you an 11? You came up with all that from a little quote? Incredible.
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Very well written, I love the sonnet style of poetry, I never wrote poem like that but I wanna try one of these day. The imagery and vocabulary was just amazing and flow was smooth and carried along without pause from start to finish. Excellent work!
Much Love 2ya
UnderSTAR
Edited on Oct 05, 10:29 p.m. because 'to remove spam'. -
William would be proud...
well done...
and that goes so well with the pic...
and you thought it would be bad....
my score on this a : 9
good luck to you in this..
Krystal -
What a wonderful poem. I loved the form and the rhythm... to tell the truth I did not even notice it was a rhyme till halfway through when I went wait a second... it rhymes...what?(but for me that is a good thing.I hate forced rhyme and this did not seem forced in anyway..though when I rhyme it seems forced..that is why I don't do it..) lol. I loved it.. Thanks for sharing it hon. Great job and good luck in the contest!!!
~Krys~
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