Small baby, that grew underneath my heart,
Now out of transparent brutality;
Holds natures wardrobe for his precious start
Already gaining personality.
We're both seduced and driven by scripture
You are my only witness that I'm just
A simple poet;you are the picture
In lonesome heart, I hold with all my trust.
I am defined with your enlightenment,
Bittersweet numbness is my special mark;
Not always wise, the love that you have sent,
Small feet on my palm, my light in the dark.
Not mechanically discharged from shell;
Soaring reality, soft skin, milk smell.
Author notes
IMPORTANT
Due to contest rules all readers who will comment this poem must score it on a scale of 1-10.
Word bank used:
Nature's wardrobe
Bittersweet numbness
Mechanically discharged
Soaring reality
Transparent brutality
Following quotes inspired me and are incorporated into my write:
~ Seduce me and you'll find simplicity. Define me and you'll enlightenment. Read these scriptures I hold close to this heart, and for all to witness is just a simple poet. ~ B Chandler.
This poem is written as Shakesperian sonnet (10 syllables per line) with following rhyme pattern:
abab
cdcd
efef
gg
Thanks to all of you for all your comments in advance.
Written September 29th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- The Final Round by Celticmoon.
1000 points, ended October 15, 2006, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Thanks Lori, it was a great but nice surprise to me.
~Sonja~ -
Brilliant piece Sonja! I'm speechless! More than deserving of the silver! Congrats!
~Lori~ -
Thank you Celticmoon for this challenge. It was the hardest poetic work I have to accomplish on this site. I am glad you like it.
~Sonja~ -
Sonja you have penned a very incredible piece for your final challenge. I cannot stress enough how wonderfully you have pieced together all the required elements. Nicely Done!
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A 100 out of 10
A brilliant poem 
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Thank you very much for your kind comment and applause. Your coment is very precious to me because you know all about sonnet and how it must look like and flow. Thanks again. I will read more of youre great poetry soon.
~Sonja~
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Outstanding
This sonnet has a lot of sensitivity and charm. I thought it was well written with fluency and spiritual as well. -
Beautifully written !!!!
Hi Sonja,
Are we allowed to give an 11??? Great contest!!
Well since we are not.... a 10 will be just dandy!
This is one beautiful poem my friend!!! Very lovely and I read the rules also and you are flawless in every catagory!! Whoa! You go girl!!
Your talent constantly amazes me as I love to read Shakesperian sonnets, but never tried my hand at one
You are an inspiration to me!
I wish you all the best in this contest with this beautiful poem
Linda
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Oh and I rate this completely off the charts...beyond 10
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Ohhhh, I love babies just love'em and this is such an eclectic and delicate way to describe the experience of birth and the conclusion being a sweet tiny life that will bear testimony that we ever existed.
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Score: 10
The rhyming pattern is perfect.
You made excellent use of the word bank, and incorporated them into your sonnet very cleverly, and smoothly. I roar from the crowd, the sonnet is not my form, and you wrote a wonderful one. Good luck in the contest.
Moonshine Pixie -
lol i give your poem a super duper 10
Nothing more loving than a poem about a baby, such sweet and tender write. Reminds me of my little boy when he was small he's only two lol but they grow so quickly.
the wording was so sensual just breath taking
Edited on Oct 05, 6:57 because ''. -
SO TOUCHING
So touching Sonja, your words bring such a wonderful feeling from my heart. This is a most beautiful 10.
Edited on Oct 03, 3:16 p.m. because 'Forgot to add something'. -
I read this poem over carefully and I believe it flows with ease and deep thoughts I carry of my intupation as for a score its a ten in my heart but just to let you know I know nothing about counting syllables and stuff....the poem is very inlighting and thank you for sharing Good Luck in the contest..
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rate 10
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A very good edit of this piece, all lines now have a perfect 10 count. You've gained a good knowledge of the sonnet form and faced your problems with language and syllables very, very well - you should be very proud of your achievements with this piece! Well done mum I re-grade this as a 10/10 for the extra effort you've made to correct the few errors of your first draft. A good poet is one who is willing to learn and grow Love you
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Oh Sonja, this is absolutely beautiful sonnet you've penned here... your talent's oozing out from every stanza... In my opinion Shakespearean sonnet's the most difficult form of poetry to write when it's written in abiding by all the rules... and you've done extremely well... and it makes it even more difficult when one has to manufacture ones imaginations to match the given words... I think I would gauge this as one your best poems I've read so far... it embodies all the good elements that one nice poem should hold... subjectively and technically it's perfect... I've no hesitation in giving you 10/10 on this one my dear...
mina
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Mum, this is a very good entry and I rate it an 8/10. In the 2nd stanza, line 1, I feel the word "both" doesnt need to be there or put it as 3rd word to keep the 10 count It's a very beautiful poem, not quite a sonnet on syllable count & that is why I didnt give a 10 score. The topic you've written about is beautiful, the content very good. Thanks for sharing. Love you always. Laura
Edited on Sep 30, 5:02 because ''. -
i RATE IT 10/10
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SUPERBLY DIVINE
My dearest Sonja, whenever I think that imagination cant produce more beautiful words and pictures you astound me with your divine writing. such a beautiful writing, so transparant, so loving, so nurturing and so divine.
simply superb -
AWESOME JOB!!!!! ENJOYED IT!!!!!
Sonja:
How can someone like you be reated?
Let's see..... Hmmmm.....
Ok, it's a 10
Definately a big fat-juicy 10
Be blessed with love and light always.....
your friend always,
AngelicMistress
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sweet milk of life from the wife
Dear Sonja,
I scored it ten as well, the photo enraptured my heart and the poem was like twinking baby giggles. the last line;
soaring reality, baby skin, milk smell.
I personally thought was visually and olfactory great!
nice work gal
JD -
This is a very beautiful. To award this less then 10 would be a shame.. As a mother of two my heart melted with every line. My dear this is worth the most your contest will allow. A PERFECT 10. with love my dear.
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I do not think there is a number worthy of your poetry. But since they limit you to 1 - 10, I guess I am going to have to drop my number down to only a ten. You are a superb poet in so many ways. And this poem only proves just how special of a writter you are... You are always a perfect 10... good luck in the contest but if it was me... I would award you gold to match the true beauty of your poetic heart
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Sonja I read this as a poem not as a piece that had to be dissected as to comply with the rules.
When I read poetry I do so hoping to understand and enjoy.This I did with this one.
I leave it for others to judge the intricacies of what the contest required, as i am not so well informed on all the different forms.
So I will comment and judge this work on how i found it .I found it an excellent read.I would find no hardship in awarding this a 10 -
Excellent!
Sonja, A deep sonnet showing the closeness between mother, having touched on before birth and afterward. You have obviously thought about what to write before you put the words on the page. The sonnet form is one of my favourites, I did enjoy reading this, I read it over three times, each time I saw more of the picture as it unfolded as I read your words. I rate this 9 out of 10.
Well Done!
~Katie~
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Dear Sonja,
Bringing forth a new birth and a poem to reflect the delicate balance of life in poetic form. With all the constraints put upon you - still with grace you have not only hurdled but added grace.
I give you a 10!
Awesome!
Tang -
Very touching
Darling
I scored it ten
as baby sweetly held
by feelings of when
a mum's soul melds.
Smoosh
Janet
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